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Where The Mind Ends

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Nick S.
Where The Mind Ends
Summary: The end is near.
They don't care for us.
Dont hide or join them
Fight them with us.





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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

applesauceHater said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm:
OMGEEEH!endings intense! One thing is that you should write a little more emotion and feelings. Like on the first page, you should say how he felt and how it hurt as he gasped for air when he was being choked. Or when he found out that guy was his father. You should have wrote how he was hurt, or confused, anger. Did he have mixed emotions. Did he feel anything towards the mom because of this? Or when he was strapped to the table in the second page, was he scared, nervous?But other than that(hop... (more »)
 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm :
Thank you for the review. I am currently working on a follow up book for this series. I can't wait until I finish. Oh and BTW, I dont mind reading you work
 
kingofwritersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm :

This story was good, but there are a LOT of ways you could've improved it. The plot seemed weak, and you didn't describe the mother telling everything to Iggy, so him learning about his powers kind of seemed like a minor event in the story compared to him renting a motel room. 

You also should've described what the characters looked like, and used higher vocabulary. The whole story seemed to go by really quickly, and it's because you didn't really take the time to describe your en... (more »)

 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm :
BTW you wote the same thing twice but im only in 7th grade so im still working on it.
 
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