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Ch1: Butterfly

My mom and dad always told me I was special but they never told me why. When I turned 16 I found out why I was so special.
RINNGGG, Yeah School is finally over now I can go home. I just walked out of my class room when I heard someone say.
“Rose wait up!!!” I turned around to see my best friend Erik.
“Hi” I said cheerfully “what’s up”
“Sooooo it’s your birthday tomorrow” Erik said sounding excited.
“Yep it is” I told him not seeing what the big deal was.
“So what are you going to do for your birthday?”He asked me.
“I don’t know. I think me and my family are just going to have a little family party but you can come if you want” I told him
“Ok thanks I’ll be there” he said smiling at me.
“Ok well I’m going to head home are you going to walk with me?” I asked
“No not today I got to talk to my teacher” he said sounding bummed “But I will tomorrow”
“Ok I’ll see you tomorrow then”
“Ok see you tomorrow Rose” I smiled at him then left.
My house is about 7 minutes away from school so I always walk to school and back. My mom is a stay at home mom so she is always there when I get home. I walked in the door.
“Hi honey” I heard my mom call from the kitchen.
“Hi mom,” I said as I walked in the kitchen.
“So what are we going to have for dinner tonight?”I asked
My mom smiled and said “Were going to have shrimp pasta and some rice”
“Oh that sounds good” I told her. My mom always makes awesome food.
“So tomorrow’s going to be a big day for you” my mom said with excitement in her voice.
“Um it’s just my birthday mom” I told her she was acting like I was graduating from college or something.
“It’s more than that honey” my mom said
“What more is there?”I asked kind of irritated everyone was making a big deal out of it.
“You’ll see honey you’ll see” My mom said without saying anymore about it.
Well that was weird I thought to myself. Oh well ill find out what’s so special about it tomorrow. After my dad got home we ate dinner then I finished my homework then went to bed.
I was standing in the school hallway alone. I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around but no one was there, then I turned back around.
“Awwwww” I jumped. A woman just appeared in front of me.
“Sorry… I dint mean to scare you Roza” the woman said to me.
I studied the woman for a minute. She looked like she was in her middle twenties. She had long red wavy hair and she wore a red dress that showed of her legs. She was pretty.
“How do you know my name?” I asked the woman
“I know all my daughters names Rose” she laughed. Her laughter filled the room; it was powerful in a way. Did she say Roza? Roza, that’s how you say my name in Russian.
“But I’m not your daughter” I told her
“Oh but you are and I have chosen you now that you are 16 my daughter”
“I’m chosen?”I asked “what that the heck does that mean?” I asked rubbing my head in confusion.
“Your life is going to change Rose” she said instead of answering my question. “You are special Rose”
“Um ok” Was all I could say.
“Give me your hand Rose” she said. I looked at the woman unable to move.” Rose” she said “you can trust me. Give me your hand”. I gave her my hand. She turned my hand over then touched my wrist.
“Awwwwww” I yelled there was a sharp pain in my wrist. I felt like it was burning then it started to cool but it still stung a little bit. I looked up at the woman but she wasn’t there a red butterfly was.
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 Next »

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This book has 6 comments. Post your own now!

emilybwrites said...
Aug. 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm
fantastic job, keep up the good work! please please check out my free-verse poem "Forgotten Domain" and please comment i hope you like it!
Rozaa said...
Jan. 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Thak you! i will do that in the next chapter i write, and i will look at your novels and what not to :)
Rozaa said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Please coment on my book if you read it and tell me your opinion on it. Thanks :)
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

I like it, but it feels very dialogue heavy. I want to know what the characters are feeling and doing, not just what they're saying!


Please check out my novel SuperNOVA and leave your thoughts on it, it's in the novel section.

rainbowwaffles replied...
Jan. 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I agree, it's very good, but there is a lot of dialogue. Lots of dialogue isn't necessarily bad, you just need to show some emotions from the characters as well. Also, with the dialogue, you should punctuate it correctly. "Hi," he said. There should be a comma before the closing quote, and then the "he" "she" "they" "we" "his" or "her" should be lower case after the quotation mark (as shown here). Unless it's a name, of course. Just a bit of constructive criticism :)

Maybe you could ch... (more »)

Rozaa replied...
Jan. 30, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Thak you! I will do that in the next chapter i write, and i will look at your novels and what not to :)

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