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Diary of a Teenage Sociopath

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »

In the Begining

“Inside every one of us, there is a dark side.
Most people rise above it, but some are consumed by it.
Until there is nothing left, but pure evil.”
Halloween

No pain. No joy. No emotion.

That’s my life. I wake up every morning different then everyone else. When I walk through the halls of the psyche ward, I hear the screams of my fellow inmates, yet I feel nothing. I’m used to it; I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. I suppose your wondering how I ended-up on the eighth floor of a nut-house behind the doors that say “secure ward”. I am a Sociopath. And for those of you who don’t know what that means, the literal definition is, without emotion or morals.
My name is Erin, and I am sixteen years old. I was adopted when I was five by a young couple in Phoenix; my parents had been killed in a car accident when I was two, or at least that’s what they told me. My life has always been a constant game of trying to get the people around me to think that I am normal. And I seemed to be pretty good at it. It was almost fun.
My daily routine started when I woke up. I would do every thing a normal person would do, take a shower, brush my hair and my teeth, and I would always practice my emotions. I would sit there for ten minutes trying different smiles, seeing which one looked more natural, I’d try to make my laugh sound good too, but laughing has always been hard for me to pull off.

~~~~
Dec. 4

This morning I woke up shivering. When I looked at my clock, it said 5:30 a.m.; I didn’t have to get up for another half an hour. I tried to go back to sleep, but when that failed, I decided to get up early and do my “smile exercises” as I called it. As I walked to the bathroom, I noticed that every one seemed to be asleep. I tried on different smiles in the mirror until I found one that suited me. I heard a quiet knock on the door and the voice of my little sister, “Erin? Is that you in there? What are you doing?” I sighed, irritated. “What do you want Lilly!” I hissed at her as I opened the door. She jumped startled “I-I-I just had to go to the bathroom.” I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. “You shouldn’t even be up yet.”
She looked at me surprised. “But it’s 6:30?”
I looked at the clock that hung in the hallway, and sure enough, it said 6:30.
“Oh. Alright.” I said as I walked towards my room, still irritable. I could feel Lilly watching me as I walked away.
I closed the door behind me when I entered my room. Lilly’s constant chattering and nosiness was getting on my nerves. I was going to have to do something about her. I thought about different ways to get rid of her as I got dressed. When I was done I went down stairs to eat breakfast, ’hum, I could always just push her down the stairs.’ I thought morbidly.
At breakfast, my parents were talking excitedly about our up-coming Christmas party. I thought it sounded like a good challenge, to try to get every one to like me.
“Erin, can you drive Lilly to school today.” My mother asked. I saw Lilly’s eyes widen.
“Sure.” I said as cheerily as I could manage. “But why aren’t you taking her?”
“Oh, I have a big meeting at work today.”
“Oh, ok.” I was done with breakfast so went to get my backpack. When I walked past Lilly, she noticeably leaned away from me. Yep, I was definitely going to have to get rid of her. She was a threat. Somehow, she knew my secret. She always had.
When I had gotten my backpack, I waited by the door for Lilly. I looked at the clock, we were running late, so I decided to go and get her. She was in her room talking to our mom.
“Lilly relax, your being ridiculous. She was just in a bad mood that’s all.” My mother said reassuringly.
“But mommy, there is something wrong with her.” She said, almost panicky.
“How could you say something like that about your own sister? Now stop being so rude and go down stairs.”
“But I don’t want to be alone with her!” She hesitated, “And she’s not my sister.”
“Lilly!-”
I cleared my throat to make myself known. Lilly spun around in alarm. “Um, we should probably get going or we’re going to be late.” I said trying to hide my fury.
“Lilly, go down stairs so I can talk to your sister alone.” My mother said harshly. Lilly turned and went dawn stairs without speaking.
My mother turned to me. “How much did you hear?” she asked.
“Not that much.” I lied.
“Good. Are you still ok with taking her?”
“Yes. I think I need to talk to her. We’re going to be late. See you later.” I turned and walked away.
On the way to Lilly’s school, we drove mostly in silence. When we pulled up to the school, Lilly had the door open before the car had even come to a complete stop. I grabbed her wrist as she turned to get out, “Wait a second Lilly. I want to talk to you for a minute.” I could see her breathing speed up.
“About what?” she said it almost in a whisper.
“I just wanted to say,” I hesitating for affect. “You know, it would be really easy for you to trip and fall down the stairs.” I made my voice menacingly low.
She looked at me shocked. “What do you mean?” she said hesitantly.
“I just mean that you should watch your step.” I squeezed her wrist as I said it. I dropped my façade just long enough to see the fear in her eyes. I let her go. ”You should get to class.” I shot her a menacing smile. She gulped, got out and ran towards the school.
When I got to school I was half an hour late. When I got to class the teacher said,”It was nice of you to join us Ms. Fuller. I’ll expect you to stay after school and make up for your missed time.” I sat down without looking at him. After class I explained, as nicely as I could, that I had to pick up my sister after school and that I could not attend detention. He agreed that I could do it some other time and let me go.
The rest of the day passed without incident, until English. At the beginning of class, the teacher announced that there was a new student. She gave the new girl the only open seat in class, the one next to me. I sighed and moved my bag so she could sit. “Hello,” the girl said as she sat down. “Hi.” I gave her a fake smile, hoping that she would stop talking to me. “My name is Nicky. What’s yours?”
“Erin” I said simply, hoping that she would sense that I didn’t want to talk to her.
“Erin, that’s a nice name.” I didn’t answer, and she stopped talking after that.
It was time to pick up Lilly after English. I took my time. I didn’t mind if she had to wait for a while. I was half way to the parking lot when Nicky came walking up. I sighed, thoroughly irritated.
“Hi Erin.” She said smiling.
“Nicky.” I didn’t look at her.
“Are you heading home?” she said.
“No. I have to go pick up my sister.”
“Oh you have a sister?”
“Foster sister.”
“She’s adopted?”
“I am.” I didn’t know why I had such a hard time acting in front of her. I had never had any one, except my foster parents; ask me so many questions in such a short time, before. And I didn’t like it. “Look I have to go. She’s waiting for me,” I said dismissively.
“Oh, ok.” She turned and walked away.
I pulled out of the parking lot muttering to myself, ‘Man, I blew that one. It’s her fault; she asks too many questions. I wonder if she knows.’ By the time I got to Lilly’s school, I was furious. She was on the curb in front, waiting. I was almost surprised she hadn’t tried to walk home. She stood up as I came to a stop, but she didn’t get in. I rolled down the window, “Are you coming or not?” I hissed. She jumped and got in. I pulled out a little to fast, just missing a parked car.
As soon as we pulled up to the house Lilly had the door open.
“Lilly,” she stopped and looked at me, “remember what I said.” She nodded and got out. I followed her to the door. When we were inside, Lilly dropped her backpack on a chair and started looking for our mother. I followed her. We found her in the living room, cleaning. She looked up and smiled at us, “Hey girls, how was school?” Lilly hesitated, “good.” My mom looked at me, “How about you?” I shrugged.
“Lilly, why don’t you go change? I want to talk to your sister.” Mom said. Lilly looked relived and ran away.
“So did you talk to her?” she asked me.
“Ya. I think we worked things out.”
She smiled, “That’s good. I don’t know what got into her.”
I smiled back, “ya, I don’t know.”
The rest of the day passed without incident.*
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »


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This book has 40 comments. Post your own!

HorrorLover28 said...
May 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm:
WOW! i love tis! i totaly didnt see the end coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Bka341997 said...
May 13, 2011 at 10:29 am:
Read the first page thingy of it...nice:) cant wait to read more, but for its time for me to write.
 
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kristibell852 said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm:
an ending that you dont expect .... verry interesting
 
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Jonesychic said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 9:31 am:
Ok, I absolutely love it. I'll be putting up my new story "Secrets Kept Within" I'd like it if you could look at it when its posted. anyways, back to your story, the concept is like amazing and how you portrayed the charachter is just brilliant. I mean, how did you know sociopaths only feel their emotions? For themselves and no one else? You'd have to be like studying the chronicle behaviors and analyzing them ever so carefully. I'm doing that to be able to understand them much more efficiently ... (more »)
 
-MidnightAngel- replied...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm :

Thank you:-)

I read mostly about antisocial personality disorder in the DSM (diegnostic and statisitcal manuel of mental disorders). I also read some articles online about famouse child and teen murderes and interveiws people had done with them. sociopathx (dot) c o m is a pretty good site on the subject too:-)

 

 
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PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 3:48 pm:
a very unique concept and a very good story   id be interested to read some more of your work  could you please take a look at and comment on my story  Manso's Shame  i would really appreciate it
 
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Anon said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 12:37 am:
You have a wonderful concept, but I find that it doesn't really feel like a diary as I'm reading it. When writing diaries, people generally don't include much dialogue, because they usually don't remember conversations word-for-word. I think you might achieve more of what you're aiming for if you summarize conversations more, but keep the more important important quotes, such as "You know, it would be really easy for you to trip and fall down the stairs."
 
-MidnightAngel- replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm :
Thank you for the sugjestion, but I did acomplish what I was trying to. And I called it "Diary of a Teenage Sociopath" becuse it sounded catchy and it took place through her eyes.
 
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Halfing_Scribe said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 9:40 pm:
This is an amazingly written piece, but I do have a question. Why does she feel rage as a sociopath?
 
-MidnightAngel- replied...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 2:54 am :
Sociopaths do feel there own emotion just like anyone else does, it's just that they do have compassion or empathy for anyone else.
 
Halfing_Scribe replied...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 9:03 pm :
Sorry, my schools taught me they feel no emotion
 
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CWells_521 said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm:
Wow, this is amazingly creepy. I loved the way you wrote it, it made me feel like I was actually there. I love these kind of topics and you portrayed it perfectly. Keep it up!
 
evergreen232 replied...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:03 pm :
YES YES YES!!! i totally agree w/u!!!! this is a really great peice!! KEEP IT UP!!!!
 
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MysteryHeart said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 8:44 am:
I love it would totaly make the perfect twilight zone episode
 
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InsomniaticWriter said...
Feb. 17, 2011 at 2:31 pm:
This is amazing. You captured the extreme side of the disorder really well. Keep it up, and don't ever let anyone tell you that your writing is too creepy or too scary or even that it makes you sound crazy. After all, some of the best authors are/were crazy.
 
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Halfing_Scribe said...
Feb. 14, 2011 at 10:38 pm:
Wow... Just wow. Erin was crazy, and this may sound crazy, but I was hoping she would make it (only because she was the main character)
 
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WillowFalls This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 9:47 am:
This girl is insane! Really creeped me out! Good writing though, keep it up! :)
 
D.B.Kinkers replied...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm :
I absolutly love this.
 
Pedophobic replied...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 12:39 am :

Great story

at first i thought the writing was a little to much like stephanie myers, a plus for some but i dont like her writing style, but as i read further it became very interesting to read

the only problems i see are the visual descriptions of the characters

what do they look like? Is erin short, tall, fat, pretty, ugly? is she white?

that most is sort of implied unless her hair is bleached, but what about everyone else?

and the only other thing that bo... (more »)

 
Demons.and.Angels replied...
Feb. 29, 2012 at 11:06 am :
Sociopaths do have emotions. I know this because I am one. I've three emotions, angry, sad and happy, but it hard to make fell one of these emotions.
 
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