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Death Pact

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None0
Death Pact
Summary: Riku Alcastar had no idea how he died. It all happened in a flash, the creature, the pain, and then nothing. So, with the injustice of his death clearly in mind, he makes a contract with the Hands of Death. And thus the journey to reclaim his old life begins.

Alice had always hated her life. Everyone always mocking her, no one ever understanding her pain. Finally, she decided to run away from it all, and thus death claimed her. But, when she wakes up in a cemetery with a wraith that claims she is his partner, Alice is unwillingly dragged into a world of impending darkness.





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This book has 17 comments. Post your own now!

LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 7, 2013 at 8:56 pm
Hm, this is an interesting story. I like the idea of expecting to feel pain, but it's not really there. I think maybe you could limit the use of ellipses; it doesn't seem necessary in some parts, but if you prefer them there, that's perfectly fine. It's your work. Other than that, I liked it and I think i'll read the second chapter too because I'm curious about what happens next. Good Job!
 
None0 replied...
Sept. 8, 2013 at 3:55 pm
Okay, I just have to comment on this point. My chronic use of "..." in dialogue is because of Test of Metal, in the scene where Tezzeret is running away from the magma scorpions with Doctor Jest. He's really out of breath from the running and the author uses "..." after every few words to show just all of the pausing in his speech. I just thought that was an ingenius use of ellipses, so I'm kind of copying him to an extent.
 
guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:48 pm
I found this a very interesting read, enough so to continue reading past the first chapter like I originaly planned.  It is a very neat idea and I like the originality of it.   I feel the emotion was lacking in scenes that should've had some. For example, when Riku first died he was just seemed at little bumbed out .  "Alice", when she turned, also seemed to lack a bit of the emotion that most people would've been going through. *shrugs* But that is just me. ... (more »)
 
None0 replied...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:03 pm
Yeah, I'm pretty bad with emotion. I just can't tell what my characters are supposed to be feeling.   Although Riku's reaction was on purpose. He's ultra-paranoid (I make this more apparent in later chapters) and expects to die at any moment of his life, so he's not really surprised when he dies, but he is a little disappointed because he died early.   I really have to work on Alice. All of her scenes just seem lacking whenever I read over them. Sh... (more »)
 
vegangirl0725 said...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:40 pm
I read the first part, it's very creative and awesome, but there were a few parts where I got bored with the story.
 
None0 replied...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:14 pm
There's generally a lot of setup in my stories, especially in the beginning. I need to introduce world mechanics, entity abilities (wraith, vampire, etc), locations, and character relations (this takes a long time) before I can thoroughly spam actions scenes.
 
Carly_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:45 pm
I absolutely loved this! It's really original and very interesting. You have a vast vocabulary. And I really enjoyed reading it. If I were to give a little critism I would say that there wasnt really any tone to the story. But other than that it was amazing. Keep writing!
 
None0 replied...
Jul. 27, 2013 at 1:51 pm
I don't really get what the whole tone thing is about. If you're talking about the characters, Riku is a relatively apathetic character (as in, he doesn't really care what happens as long as he comes back to life), and Alice has no idea what's happening half the time. Eron is more or less the same as Riku, since he's used to being near-invincible.   I'm also pretty bad with emotional scenes, so I like to keep my story logical instead of reflecting on feeling... (more »)
 
nelehjr said...
Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:41 pm
Wow, what an interesting concept. I'll try to read more later. (Reminding self: end of p2) Just a little constructive critism, I think you should add a bit more of what the characters look like in greater detail--Like what did Alice look like before she became a vampire? Just a thought. She knows but we the readers do not.
 
None0 replied...
Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:47 pm
I purposefully didn't include what Alice (not her real name) looked like before she became a vampire so I could have a nice semi-reunion scene at the end (won't go into too much detail because of the potential spoiler).   Riku's description is somewhere in the Third Flight chapter. He's always wearing a hooded cloak before then, so Alice never gets a good look at him. Although I feel like I didn't describe him very well (Riku has a very "normal" appearance,... (more »)
 
RoyalCorona said...
May 28, 2013 at 1:58 pm
It is so great so far!! I am hooked and I am only stopping so I can write this! Great job!
 
None0 replied...
May 28, 2013 at 11:37 pm
Spoiler alert: it ends with a cliffhanger (and probably always will until I finish it).
 
KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2013 at 10:24 pm
I finished reading this and it was AMAZING! You have a knack for words. The only criticisms I have are extremely minor and barely worth mentioning as they do not affect your overall novel. In the scene where Alice is committing suicide, she's sniffling and tears are cascading down. However, a girl does not delicately cry unless she's an actress. (Note: not for the faint of heart) In reality, her cries will most likely include a severely runny nose and loud sobs. Also, Riku is n... (more »)
 
None0 replied...
May 2, 2013 at 12:50 am
Long comments are fine. I write them all the time. As you can probably tell, I'm not very good with emotional scenes, which is partly why it takes so long to write this book. Thanks for the crying clarification; I'll try to edit that on my version. I did try to show that Riku is gradually warming up to Alice, but he's not quite there yet, since he's not the type of character to trust someone within a few hours of meeting them. Maybe they'll get along better in Italy... &nbs... (more »)
 
KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 2, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Well, I think it was beautiful, regardless of the emotion bit. No problem, and good luck with the remaining chapters! I'll definitely be reading the next ones since you have me hooked. :D Have a nice day!
 
LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:43 pm
Hey there, None0! Your work is very, very impressive! You have so much talent that you so clearly show in your work. At the rate you are going right now you will have books on the shelves that everyone, including myself, would love to and will be purchasing. I love the title, it's very mysetrious and sets up an open perspective for the reader, the book could go so many ways. And it is very appealing to readers. The summary and tags also caught my attention very easily. You have a way with wo... (more »)
 
None0 replied...
May 1, 2013 at 12:20 am
Thank you for the kind words. I'm very glad you liked so much of this book. I found it much harder to write than my other books, due to the massive number of character interactions and emotional scenes (had to be very careful not to screw up on those), and proofreading through them takes forever. Anyways, glad you like this book; I'll be sure to update when I can.
 

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