Are You There God? | Teen Ink

Are You There God?

November 30, 2016
By laurennharriss SILVER, Hemet, California
laurennharriss SILVER, Hemet, California
9 articles 3 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"you never believed in heaven before her, and now all you understand is how to pray, and all you do is thank God over and over for her presence."


It seems that everyone has a religion. A god. It seems that everyone bonds about attending the same churches and their purity promises and things similar to that. They have funny pastors and participate in church fundraisers. I am the outcast. I don't attend church. I don't have a cool pastor. I don't participate in events pertaining to church. I don't have promises i've made to god. I don't believe. I've tried, but I can't make myself feel something that isn't there.  Looking at me, everyone assumes I have a god. I have a baby face and for the most part, I'm very optimistic. I'm the girl that's sixteen but can get away with being twelve at restaurants, for the sake of a cheaper meal. I've got the voice of a cartoon squirrel and I'm almost never seen wearing black. When they hear I don't believe, their whole idea of me changes. As if this baby face of mine suddenly grows fangs and horns. My hair’s curly blonde ringlets quickly morph into snakes while my eyes dissolve and are quickly replaced with unforgiving black holes. I don't think my disbelief makes me a bad person, but not everyone feels the same. I don't worship the devil and sing evil chants to candels. Even my mom is disappointed. I think she doesn't want to see her little girl as anything other than innocent and pure. I've gone to churches, i've prayed, and i've been respectful of the religion. Yet, when I interlock my fingers and close my eyes, I don't feel that anyone is listening. I don't feel a glow and I don't feel safe or protected in any way. Religion feels like a cult with rules and expectations outlined in a book. We all base our lives around a story book and still have no proof that any of the characters exist. I feel that horrible people can simply attend masses or prayer groups, and be promised eternity in the afterlife because they attended such services. I think people can commit the same sin continuously, and can be continuously excused, because they attend and donate to the church. I don't find it fair that I'm considered the heartless one. I may not believe, but I am still a person with morals and goals. I am still a person.



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