I feel that with the subject matter at hand I should just get this out of the way, I do not believe in god. In case you’re wondering yes that does make me an atheist. It’s funny, no ironic, that I don’t believe because my entire family is full of devout Christians. I have a feeling that my disbelief has to deal- partially- with having religion shoved down my throat all of my life. I had to go to church every Sunday, pray like fifteen times a day, read the bible, and as if that wasn’t enough my grandfather is a deacon at his church. Another reason probably deals with my strong reliance on science. It is one of my best subjects, and with all the proof of science things in religion just don’t add up.

Although I do not believe I have nothing against these who do and I am not trying to change your religion or even the way you think. I merely want to share my opinions and experiences. I feel the need to assure you of this because when people find out I’m atheist they tend to shy away. They act as though I want change there religion, of course if my mere opinion can change you mind did you believe in the first place.

I want to say that I stopped believing in god around the third grade. I was a fluent reader and at my father’s wishes, he forced me, I began to read the bible. I don’t think he expected it to backfire, but hey what do ya know, it did. As I began to read I though okay this doesn’t make much sense but hey whatever. I began to read farther and it made less and less sense as I continued. Now while I enjoyed reading the bible I look at it as more of a cultural text. As something to reference how a religion or group of people think. I never looked at it as though it was real, or even for a second believed it could be how I (the world) came to be. The first time I read the bible it was a unique experience, but not something I would categorize as truth.
Now my father is of course extremely trusting in the “word of the lord”, and even says that god “talks” to him and sends him dreams. While I’m sure this could be true it has just never clicked in my mind. I mean I personally feel as though the first thing to do after hearing a bodiless voice is to have a psycho analysis performed, not to kneel down and pray. But to each his own I guess because I highly doubt I would every change his opinion. So on with my story.
At first I first I figured that the reason I didn’t understand was because I was young not the fact that god doesn’t exist, which is the way I now feel about it. Of course upon my lack of understanding I proceeded to once again read the bible. You see I felt as though if I were to read it again it would make more sense and that I would understand. My second reading of the bible reassured my family that not only did I believe in god I had a great interest in the matter. Which I did it just wasn’t in the way that they had imagined. I was only interested because I didn’t understand, and when things didn’t make sense to me I felt the need to figure them out. Anyways so I am in the middle of reading the bible again it’s about the fifth grade, it was taking longer to read as I was losing interest. So I’m in fifth grade when it starts to become clear to me that maybe there is not god.

Now as I began these thoughts of there being no god I paid a bit more attention in church. I soon realized that not only was a lot of this stuff implausible it was also improbable. I mean if you think about it, many of the things in the bible are not possible. I an sorry but you cannot bring the dead you life, make the blind see, turn water into wine, and you most defiantly cannot come back to life after three days of death. I do not mean to offend anyone by disrespecting there religion, but in my mind at least in is not possible. Now maybe I’m narrow minded for my inability to see past fact. Or perhaps my mind is strengthened by these facts that make god, or at least in our terms, an impossibility to behold. As I see it there is no way for a god to exist because every fact, from dinosaurs to creation beginning with only two people, points to there being no god. At least not a god in the way we imagine.
Let’s imagine that this god really created the world, there are so many inconsistencies in that theory. For one thing how was the earth populated? A bunch of people just popping out of the ground is not a possibility. After all god says he created two people, Adam and Eve. This pair had two children, two boys, and one killed the other. So, how does this work out, eve reproduces with her son (just saying ewww) it still wouldn’t make sense to how the world populated this way.

So I was about 8 when I realized the existence of god didn’t make sense. But I did not admit it to myself or anyone else until about the eighth grade. Even now I have difficulty seeing how people believe in god. But then again when people need something to hope and believe in they will go to anything or anyone, hence the god thing.
I have trouble explaining why but I still fail to tell my family about my disbelief in god. For some reason I am afraid to tell them, especially my father and grandfather, it is the fear of them not accepting me that holds me back. I am so afraid that when I tell them they won’t understand and that they will treat differently. With the fact that my entire family believes god I fear the worst. I am afraid of what will happen when I tell them. I guess only time can tell.
Perhaps I have changed your opinion of god but in truth I hope I haven’t. When I started this I merely wanted to share my views and I ended in the same way. If I did change you mind I’m sorry of maybe I should say you’re welcome? If you think about it if I managed to change your mind did you really believe?