Pride and Confession

I've been going to this camp twice a year the past couple of years called World View Plus, and it's become me battery charger for the year. After the first year, I've been a small group leader and God has really challenged me in different ways. I've done some devotions in front, and I'm doing another one this year.

If I could, I'd take an hour and go through everything God has been teaching me lately. But, I only have about 5-10 minutes, so I've been asking what He would like to share in particular. The topic that kept reappearing was pride and arrogance. I know that I've always struggled with pride, in the most stupid ways sometimes. Even when I'm know I'm being a loser or vain or selfish, I'm still proud, and it really affects me in all areas of my life, and not in ways that help. One thing that I've recently learned though, is that no only do I have pride in the way I think, but arrogance too.

Even though I know I'm only seventeen and still learning, and I've tried to keep myself humble, I am very proud of my writing. I stink at essays, but I'm very proud of my creative writing. What doesn't help is that my mom and friends also think I'm very talented. Of course my human nature just loves the praise I get from them and I take every opportunity to flaunt my awesomeness. (Imagine me blushing here.) So I've developed a major pride issue.

That pride has also become arrogance. I assume that I'm going to be good. When I write something, I assume that it's going to sound amazing. What I keep finding out is that I'm really not so awesome and my pride gets hurt. Still, I'm arrogant enough to push it off and think myself good anyway. This has pushed me to think in the same way about other aspect of my life and it hurts others around me because of the way I speak and act. Arrogance isn't just something that rich people might have, it can occur in front of your nose and you won't see it. Pride is something Americans deal with every day, but without a proper check and balance, that pride become arrogance, which ends up disrupting your state of mind.

Another side effect of pride is masks. I've developed a tendency to hide myself to the point where even I'm not sure which character is the real me and which are the masks. I've got one for every hour of the day, every situation. This takes away from people knowing me, the person they can/could trust, and it betrays them. I'm betraying them.

Going back to how I'm going to talk about this in my devotion, there's something about confessing yourself to a group of people who support you that is amazing. It's liberating. Not only are you confessing yourself to God, but you are laying yourself out in front of people and willing them to stomp on you. I am so blessed to have amazingly supportive friends so that confessing to them gives me peace. I've gotten tired of all the hiding that I do. I want to be a real person with them, but I can't if I'm being arrogant and wearing masks. I want to tell them all about how awful I am!

It sounds crazy, but giving yourself up as a sinner is not nearly so painful as you might think. I've done it enough times that I just feel relieved to be rid of my secret burdens. God my Father already knows everything that I don't tell others, and willingly letting him know give me peace in my mind and my heart and my soul. Deceitfulness, willful or not, doesn't help your life at all. Living openly is the only way to life peacefully.

It's hard to stay humble, I know. And I suppose I don't sound so humble when I'm telling everyone else to be that way! But I'm just trying to pass along the blessing. My God is amazingly merciful. Even if he wouldn't love me again, I'd still want to confess to him, to pour out myself at his feet and ask for forgiveness. Being forgiven and loved by Jesus is a life that cannot be described with human words. I can only say to turn to the Bible, God's holy word, for more answers. I can only offer suggestions that pale and fade away in comparison to his everlasting wisdom.

I've been wanting to find more ways to show God that I'm really his, that I want to give him praise. I think I'll create a worship dance. There is nothing that would be too humbling or lowly for me to do for my creator. I know that now, and I'm sure I'll be relearning it next week. I'm a sinner and I need God to give me the air I breathe every day. Thank you God, for loving me.





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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Saved_By_Grace said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Thank you very much for the wonderful reminder. I often get very prideful about things, too. Oh, yes, and arrogant. I do that a lot.

I notice, though, that I get incredibly angry when any bit of my pride is wounded. ANY bit. I lose a board game to my mom for the first time, and before you know it, I'm yelling at her and walking away from her. Ugh. It's an ugly feeling, knowing that you're only acting out of idiotic pride.

Anyway, thank you for reminding me of God's grace through... (more »)

 
HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm
thank YOU so much!  I love to encourage people, but these comments always encourage me.  it's win-win!
 
WiseGirl said...
Jun. 21, 2011 at 10:44 pm

You are amazing for confessing this. I commend you.

My problem isn't pride; it's standing up for what I believe. I'm afraid of being shot down, so I tend to not share my opinion. The only time I really feel like I can is when I go to my, as you called it, "battery charger" camp: Uplift. I'm going this week, and I've been looking forward to it pretty much since school started, because I want to get away from the kids at my school who don't believe. It's people like you I admire, who are... (more »)

 
HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Thanks so much, and I can understand not wanting to stand up for things.  I've had a mask for those times, but I've decided that I don't want to wear masks anymore.  Even if it costs me friends, well, "friends", I will carry myself like a believer wherever I go.  I don't want to live a lie anymore.  I'm so glad this encouraged you, that's just what I wanted to do.  :):)
 
RandyA. said...
Jun. 17, 2011 at 7:48 pm
This is great. It is very difficult to humble as you said, but you are walking  through  a good path. I always try to humble myself  and be a good person. It a great step that you have found God and i know he would do everything you ask him because he did i for me. I love God too and i believe in him. I hope that i would never forget him for the rest of my life.
 
HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 18, 2011 at 9:28 am
Thanks so much!  I've had God in my life since I was six, when I accepted him as my savior, and I've grown up in a Christian family.  But I make my own choices.  And God has been getting more and more real to me through the years.  I would just like to say that God's doesn't do anything we ask him for because we ask it, even when we have faith.  Whatever he gives us, he gives it because it's in his will.  I'm kinda particular about that, since I had in pounded into ... (more »)
 
. replied...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm
You are welcome... that great
 
. replied...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm
you are welcome.. thank God
 
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