Parents are not only responsible for themselves, but also for their children. A parent becomes the one who a child will depend on for shelter, clothes, food, and most of all, love. The love that is indescribable, and unchangeable. The love that will never die, the love that is warm, caring, and ever lasting. Becoming a parent takes two; it is a need for the child to have both mother and father for as long as possible. Both mother and father have an effect on their child. There are needs that a mother can provide that a father cannot, and those that a father can provide that a mother cannot.

Being A Single Parent

I am not a mother nor do I have any children. However for the past 19 years I have only had one parent. I have watched my mother raise six children on her own, carrying the burden of trying to provide clothes and food for us when needed. Although she loved us unconditionally, and was a hell of a parent on her own, there were still those aspects that only a father could provide that a mother could not. We needed a father figure in our lives, and not someone who was only there financially. This absence had an effect on each of us differently. My brothers were angry with their dad for not being there, and in their eyes abandoning them.

One of my brothers was able to take this aspect and turn it into something positive. He accepted that his dad was taken away by the state, and was able to place his need for love in basketball.  This helped him to focus, and not allow the streets to take him away. However my other brother would always ask for his dad, when he was going to come home or when he was going to call? This questions his father absences, and made my brother not want to focus in school, and act out instead. He needed that father figure, that man whom he could wrestle with, or go play basketball with, or being able to say hey dad, I need advice about this girl, or even hey dad are we still going to hang out this weekend? Even though their father could have been there if he could, by the time he did come home, those precious moments were already gone. He could never get back those significant years  of being able to see his boys grow up.

Therefore my mother had to do her best by playing not only her role, but a father’s role. As for me? The reality of not having a father affected me greatly. I realized that some people expected me not to have both parents. It was always only my mom bringing me to doctor appointments, and teachers always knew to only expect mom to show up to school meetings, mainly because I was African American, and that is considered “normal”, for kids of minorities to grow up in a single parent household. When I was old enough I was able to see that there was a difference between being a parent and having a child. A woman can carry a baby for 9 months, feel it kicking, moving, and eventually birth it. A man can have sexual intercourse with a woman, impregnate her and a eventually have a child. However this DOES NOT make you a mother nor does it make you a father. He or she is a sperm donor, or just a carrier. A parent, on the other hand, is someone who bears the responsibility of the baby that they created and takes on the duties of raising that child to the best of their ability. Parents provide shelter, food, and love for their child. Parents maintain their children’s health, and most of all provide them with guidance, so that the child grows up to become someone successful.
A former classmate of mines grew up was the same situation as me. However she had a father figure in her life instead of her mother. She needed her mother to be around because her dad was not documented, and couldn't get housing. The state felt that her dad wasn't able to raise her and her siblings financially, or mentally. This had a negative effect on her brothers because they were looking for guidance. This made them feel the need to find independence because they couldn't look up to their father. They wanted love and care from their mother, but it wasn’t available. Being a single parent became stressful on her father, and he reacted to this by staying out more. This affected the oldest child because she was then responsible for taking over the household and making sure everything was in order. When their mom left, the children began to clash heads with their father more. Therefore the mother would have been there before to help settle things out in a positive way. She shared with me that she wanted her mother there to teach her how to put on her first bra, or how to deal with her first period. Although she could go to her dad in this predicaments, she would have rather had her mother when it came to these changing moments in life. This had an impact on her because she became more tom-boy like, because there was no female role model she could look up to. This isn't a bad thing because she was able to know what to expect from men, and how to stay tough, and not to let people bring her down. In the end, it seems that it is been better to have had two parents, rather than one.

Being a single parent isn't only hard on adults, but also a teen parent who is taking on these duties by thereself. A past friend of mine ended up pregnant at a young age, and made the choice of raising a baby and putting her dreams to the side. However her child’s father didn't feel the need to make the same sacrifices as she did. She conveyed to me that she is the one who was waking up in the middle of the night, buying food, diapers, and still trying to manage school.  She wakes up every morning with the struggle of making sure that she has someone to watch her son while she attends classes. Not only does she have to maintain her education, but she also has to make sure she keeps two jobs so that she is able to provide for her child financially. The father on the other hand comes around when he feels is necessary, and continues to live life like he only has to tend to himself. Being a teen parent is extraordinary difficult, because teenages can no longer be a child. They have to become an adult quicker, and become a positive role model for her son once he grows up. This could have an effect on the baby when he grows up because he's going to see how his father was constantly in and out of his life.

As I stated before it takes two to create a baby. Therefore both mother and father should share the duties to help that child to become someone great. It doesn't matter if they aren't in a relationship, married, or just had a one night stand. It is both parties responsibilities to to provide for the one they created. If not this child will grow up to have emotional issues, because they needed aspects from a mother or father, that wasn't provided. There are general outcomes that can impact a child’s life sooner or later. In a late article that I read, Single Parent Households- How Does It Affect the Children? , reveals how having only one parent can relate to a child’s “well-being”. Research has proven that kids who have a single parent is at high risk for being involved in rape, and even crime activities. In the US kids who were living in single households were the ones who were “72% of teenage murderers”, and “60% of people who commit rape crimes are eleven times more likely to exhibit violent behavior.” This all has to do with the emotional effects of only having one parent.
                                                     

Having two parents

How can the obvious not be stated that a child needs to have both parents in his life while growing into teenage years, and then to an adult. Some people may say I am overgeneralizing, that kids with single parents are not as successful as those with both parents. That is not the point I am making, and nor is that assumption true. Yes a child raised by a single parent, can be stable and maintained, and as successful as a child with two parents. However there are issues that need to be to be addressed, and society needs to recognize that single parenthood can be negative or positive.  An article called The effects of a single parent home on a child’s Behavior, is written by Marnie kunz. She states both the negative and positive that comes with children who have one of two parents. It is ideal that children with one parent can affect a child’s “academic & social behavior.” (Kunz) However children with two parents “ tend to have better financial and educational advantages.”(Kunz) It takes two! Why? As I said before, a  Woman cannot fulfill the duties of a man, just as a man could not fulfill the duties of a woman. In a recent survey I created I asked former classmates of mine to state whether or not they were raised by two parents or one. The ones who answered that they had two explained how they were more supported, and had each one to go to in different situations. They conveyed how both parents have different effects on them whether it's their gender views, going through changes, and how to deal with certain situations in life. The students who responded to having one parent revealed that having one parent means being limited to certain opportunities in life. They all wished had both parents to help them go through tough obstacles that they face.

It is not easy to take the on the role of becoming a parent, but parenthood means that two responsible people are making the choice to provide for another human being. At the end of the day it is always in the the child’s best interest to have both mother and father for as long as possible.