Is Money Everything?

May 5, 2013
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1. Waking Up in the Morning
You wake up in the morning ($250 for the bed, $25 for the bedding, $15 for the pillows), brush your teeth ($2 for the toothpaste, $3.50/$30 for the brush, depending on if it’s electric or not), walk to the kitchen and cook up a bowl of hot cereal ($300 for the stove, $20 monthly for the gas, $15 for the pot, $5 for the ingredients). You realize you are late to work, so you dash out the door, wasting your prepared breakfast (take all of the not-one-time costs and double them, since they were not utilized).
2. Going to Work
The car you own is a 2005 BMW 528i ($55,672 for the base model, $60 monthly for luxury auto insurance). You really, really like your car; so you upgraded to the most expensive package (“Prestige Package;” $72,563). You put the car into reverse, and roll down your driveway ($1,000-25,000 depending on material), and head towards downtown. You have been late to work many many times, your boss is starting to dislike your careless habits. Pulling into the building ($150m, a 35 story office complex), you see that your parking spot is occupied. A vibration emanates from the pocket of your Hugo Boss Designer Pants ($400). It’s your iPhone 5 ($500 for the phone, $60 monthly for data and cell service). Unfortunately, that vibration was an email from your boss. The contents of the email read:
Dear Timmy Smith,
It has come to my attention that you have been late by at least an hour for more than 50 work days this year. Our company policy states that you may only have 5 sick days and 14 vacation days per year. I’m sorry, but we have to let you go.
Boss Bob
Now that you are fired, that expensive car might have to go.
3. Coping With Unemployment
Once the trauma of losing your job is over, you realize that you are now unemployed. A statistic you though you would never become. Timmy Smith, the sales manager for a major paper organization now has lost his source of income. You made an average of $3,000 per sale, and you made one of those sales per week. (52 weeks x $3,000 = $156,000 by the end of the year). Luckily, the only thing in your life that requires constant attention is your dog, Bubbles. You might have to stop feeding him Kibbles & Bits ($45 per bag per month) and just feed him the Kibbles ($20 per bag per month). He’s not too happy about that, so he runs away to find an owner who can afford his fancy food.
4. Personal Health
You are already on the line between obesity and healthy weight. That evening class at the gym for adults who want to lose weight may have to go ($160 per session). Now that you no longer consume protein shakes ($20 for 30 8oz. shakes), you start to lose your muscle mass. Fat starts to build in your body, and your girlfriend starts to notice your sluggishness and the decrease in dates at nice restaurants (usually $100 per dinner). That’s too bad, because you were planning on proposing, but you can’t now that she has decided to leave you.
5. Dealing with Depression
Unfortunately, your situation starts to take a toll on your body. Your doctor (covered by health insurance, $40 per month), has declared you clinically depressed, and puts you on harsh anti-depressant pills (also covered by health insurance). They give you hallucinations, stomach cramps, and frequent vomiting episodes. Your doctor doesn’t care; however, because you are not his first priority. He works at a clinic specifically for the homeless.
6. Considering Homelessness
The bank called, they want your house back. The mortgage hasn’t been paid in over three months now, and you are living on food stamps and dumpster diving. For Timmy Smith, living in the backseat of his BMW 528i sounds okay, but you are going to miss all of the household amenities. You make the decision, you are going to become homeless ($1-3, for sharpie and cardboard).
7. What to do Now
You’ve made some friends who live down by the creek, they think it’s really awesome that you live in your BMW, and they want to come see it. They are the only friends you have, so you cannot say no. One day, you are walking towards your can and the touch-to-unlock feature (+$2,000) on the car door handle doesn’t seem to work. In order for it to work, the keys to the car must be in your pocket. You check your pockets. They keys are gone. You suspect one of your “friends” took them. You’re right. Just then, from behind the tinted window, you hear an evil laugh, followed by a few more laughs. The car starts, and drives off. Next week, you see your BMW for sale at one of the local car dealerships.
8. Job Hunting
No car, no home, no friends, no money. You need a job. McDonalds is a good choice. A drive-through cashier makes $11 an hour, and that’s just fine. You apply and head in for an interview. By the time you are done telling your life story, the interviewer gets bored and asks you to leave. You should have left out the part where you missed over 50 days of work and lost your job.
9. Cash Reserves are now Empty
Reminiscent of the time you had free cash to spend, you visit various department stores and luxury brand shops. You try clothes on and pretend to buy them. You drool over the newest tech gadgets at the various computer stores. After you get kicked out by the store manager, you realize that all of this could have been prevented. You want another chance, but not many are looking to hire someone whose reference is an angry boss who fired you in the first place.
10. Is Money Everything?

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