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A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Illegal Immigration

By , Freeland, MI

FOR PREVENTING THE ESCALATION AND THE LONG TERM PERPETUATION OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION


It is a melancholy object to bring up such a topic as sensitive as illegal immigration. Illegal Immigration in the United states is when people trespass into the United States without a visa, or overstays the period of time aloud. If this continues then eventually the United States will become overpopulated and will subject to anarchy, because there will not be enough funding for the citizens of the United States.

 

I think it is agreed by all parties that life-threatening occurrence of Illegal Immigration will eventually ruin the United States.  This will happen if the government doesn’t do anything  to upgrade the US border security. Someone needs to find a solution fast and I personally think they should be rewarded for it.


But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the United States. My solution would make it impossible for people to immigrate into the United States illegally. Which will help the United States tremendously because they won’t have to invest as much in border patrol and deportation of the illegals immigrants.

 

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not really as efficient as they claim to be. Some solutions that the United States has had is border patrol “Anderson”. Although the idea of border patrol should work, to be effective the border must be better protected so absolutely no one can cross. Another solution is deportation “Krogstad”. Which is pretty effective which is backed up by statistics, in 2013 438,421 illegal immigrants were deported back to their home countries “Krogstad”.  Both these solution don’t completely do the job though. Something must be changed, or else the United States will fall apart and we will have no money to fund the military, schools and many other government funded programs because the government is forced to pay for certain things need for illegal immigrants.

 

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement. My solution is the US government should build a 60,000 foot wall so that no airplane will fly over it, therefore only rocket ships will be able to get over it. However there will be missles on the other side of the wall so that no one can pass otherwise they will get destroyed. They will be forced to land on the landing pad and will be searched. If there are more than two people on board then the whole crew will be forced to embark on a mission to mars, this will also further our space exploration which will give the US more money to improve border patrol even more. If they try to outsmart us and go to a place other than mars they will be destroyed by bombs, that are implanted in the rocket during the search, just for the safety of the US.

 

I humbly offer it to publick consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should build a big wall to stop illegal immigration. Step one to the plan is to gather the materials necessary to build the huge wall. This includes missiles, missile launchers that launch giant missiles, cement, construction companies, landing pads, and lots of gas so we can nicely send the illegal immigrants to mars. The last material listed is an example of verbal irony because it actually isn’t a nice gesture to send the illegal immigrants to mars because it is inevitably sending the illegal immigrants to space for the rest of their life.

 

In this scenario, the wall will be built using these materials and will be very successfully implemented because once it is built all that will be changed is people can not enjoy the ocean unless they climb very large stairs or have rocketships to go over the wall. This will be okay because the ocean is dangerous, so many pools would be made on the wall to protect Americans from the dangerous, dirty, and especially brutal outside world unlike the United States. The last sentence is a parody because Americans think that America is the best and that every other country isn’t as good as us.


Of course the wall would be ineffective if there were still illegal immigrants in the country. So step two to the solution is to search everyone in the US and if they are not a citizen then deport them back to way they came from. Then the government would save money because they wouldn’t have to waste funding on non citizens, instead of investing in actual American citizens. All the of the non citizens don’t deserve any funding and deserve to be deported because they all do crimes and are probably here to sell drugs or transport drugs. This is an example of a parody because American citizens think that just because someone isn’t their same nationality they are a bad human and want to do harm to others.


These drastic and sudden changes will be difficult to implement and it will be hard for everyone. I promise it will all be great in the long run. The hardest part is losing the ocean view but it will get better once the windows are built into the wall that citizens can see through it to the ocean. This may be bad but I can assure you that all the benefits will outway the one bad thing from this.


I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal. One objection that someone might have is that they will lose the view of the ocean. This is invalid because there will be big windows that you can view the ocean through so you will never lose the beautiful view of the ocean.


Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

 

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I have researched this topic very in depth for the past few days and there is no other way to solve this problem. This is the only solution because it does not allow any illegal immigrants into the country and gets all the illegal immigrants already in the country back to their home countries.




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