Being an AP student is not easy. There’s never time to do anything. Sleeping at three in the morning is not worth it. Who cares about learning? You don’t have time to read the thirty pages that your teacher has assigned you for homework. Thirty pages?! That’s too much for anyone to read in one time. Thankfully, sparknotes is here to save the day. You don’t have to read all thirty pages. Instead, you only have to read one paragraph per chapter. How easy is that?

Do you have an assignment to do according to the chapter? Don’t worry about it. Sparknotes includes every little bit of information you would need to know. It’s not like it just summarizes it. In that one little paragraph, all the analysis is provided. Why wouldn’t it be? A paragraph is definitely sufficient and should cover the whole chapter. Thirty pages compared to a paragraph. There really isn’t a difference, so why would it matter if you just read Sparknotes instead? Don’t you worry about a pop quiz that your teacher might give you. If you read sparknotes, you will get all the necessary information. When teachers ask you questions on tone, diction, or rhetoric, there’s no way you can get those questions wrong. Whenever you read sparknotes, it magically feeds you everything you need to know about the author’s purpose, diction, rhetoric, tone, and you can even figure out who the author’s intended audience is. The attention to details that Sparknotes give is truly amazing. It’s like reading the book in less than an eighth of the time it would take you to actually read the book itself.

Sparknotes also prepares you for the future. Once you are in college, you won’t know how to read a single book. You can definitely graduate college successfully and start a good career. You can just thank Sparknotes for that. All those years that Sparknotes has provided you with “all” the information you needed has now ended, and now, instead of time you’re gaining, you’re gaining a new opportunity to fail at life. Thank you, Sparknotes.

Also, in the future, when you are too busy to read a book, Sparknotes will always be there for you. Juggling three children, your job, and your husband will never give you time to finish a whole book, nor will you have the patience to complete a novel because of your lack of patience due to all the Sparknote reading you have been doing. Thank you, Sparknotes, for taking away the joy in reading a book from beginning to end for fun, but also for always being with me in the case that I can start reading you for pleasure, especially when I “don’t have time.”

But all in all, it doesn’t matter. Why care about the future? Think about right now and your precious time. Think about all that sleep you are gaining just by reading that one paragraph instead of the thirty pages your teacher had assigned you. Thank goodness we have Sparknotes.