The Unbearable Topic Called High School

Ever since I was little I always thought that high school would be the time of my life. In reality it was everything but the time of my life. High school is a time where all you have to worry about is what prom dress you will get next year, or the latest round of gossip circling. That's what people fill little girl heads with when they are small. They conveniently leave out the vicious cliques, raging hormones, and heartbreaking crushes. Those things aren’t exactly compatible to the happy cheery atmosphere everyone portrays as the teen years of high school. What really happens is you walk the halls everyday knowing someone is looking at you funny, or talking behind your back. To tell you the truth, it gets tiring, even sad knowing that most people around you waste their precious time worrying, and even talking about people. I mean, seriously, who cares if so and so is dating this person, or if someone is different than everyone else.

We are supposed to be unique, to be ourselves. If you think about it, how many people base who they are off of guidelines the “popular” set? I am almost positive the answer is much more than any of us would like to admit. What happens if most of us walk out of here like little clones and into the real world, wishing we would have grown up and done it differently? I guess that is something we really need to ask ourselves before we decide our role models. What am I going to be like in the end, when everything is said and done, and I’m thrown out on my own?

Personally my perspective is screw it, I am going to be myself, based on my guidelines and morals. If you don’t like me, it’s your loss. I was tired of the same old simple thinking after my freshmen year. I found myself questioning what I really thought was important. I wasn’t happy when one of my answers was if I was going to prom, and if the latest gossip circle was true or not. After that long night of self evaluation I decided to change. After that night everything changed completely for the bad, well at least that's what it seemed like. Of course it didn’t take long for the girls at school to notice I wasn’t participating in their venting cycles or backstabbing conventions. That is how I quickly fell down the “status” ladder right into the outcast pool. You better believe they made sure I noticed it too. I was banned from sleep overs and girls’ nights. It was really hard sitting at home on the weekends knowing that most of my used to be friends were singing to the latest Britney Spears song, and ordering pizza to eat while watching cheesy horror movies. The worst feeling was when I was standing in the lunch line talking to someone and one of the used-to-be’s came up and announced, for the whole wide world to know, that the girl I was standing by could come to the sleepover that weekend right in front of my face. I’ve had a lot of people rooting for me to fail in life just because of my choices.

My choice led me to expand my priorities to passing online college courses, my family’s health, what I would like to accomplish in the future, and furthering my education. I honestly feel like I don’t fit in with my age group. Like my mind is age twenty and my body is still stuck in the “awkward” teen stage. I can tell I’m different by the way I do things, the way I think. I am excited to go to college. I think that I will fit in so much better there, because I know that there will be other people who feel like I do. I am excited to pursue my dreams and make a life of my own.

I know that all I have said puts a huge thumbs down on my high school experience, but believe it or not I have had some really great times too. I’ve had the classic times where I’ve died laughing during a whole class period, and the daring experience of passing notes to a friend next to me in class. I’ve always had some supportive friends to lean on through out my high school years. They have led me to this conclusion; anyone can have fun in high school. You just need to find the right people to have fun with.

Sometimes I wonder if I went back to freshmen year and decided not to change. What would I be like? I am sure I could have probably fit in and been one of the “popular.” I really don’t think I would have been very happy though. I like being myself. I like who I am. I liked the way it felt when I found who I was. It was freeing, for once in my life I felt as if I could be and do whatever I felt. If I could give anyone advice before they enter high school, I would tell them to be themselves and not care what came with it. Enjoy who you are. Never let anyone change you, and do whatever it takes for what you believe is right. Even if it means sitting at a lunch table all alone, or being whispered about through the hallways, It will all pay off in the end.
-Kayla Conwell





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