Congratultions You Were Denied

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Date: October 7, 2010
Joe Shmoe
500 Nowhere Lane
Boston, MA 02115


Dear Mr. Shmoe:
I am very pleased to inform you of your denial to the Intelligent Institute of Technology as a freshman for the Fall of 2010. You have been denied all access to our campus and will be shot on sight if you try to access it. Upon reading your application we discovered that you were mentally unstable and therefor forbidden to approach our students, faculty, and property by any means.
The FU program is designed for students who should be put in a padded room for the overall safety of the community. As an FU student, you will be encouraged to distance yourself from the general population, and highly recommended to be administered in the Boston Asylum for the Mentally Ill and Dangerous. With help by their counselors, you most likely will not be allowed to leave your room for any reasons unless by chance your parents miss you, however this is a highly doubtful idea and it is recommended that you give up all hope of becoming a normal citizen of the United States.
We assure you that our decision was well thought through and that you have no choice but to adhere to these consequences. Our representative from the Asylum of Hogwarts will appear in your chimney unexpected within the next twenty four hours of reading this letter. We suggest no resistance, for it will result in your ultimate termination. You must submit your deposit of $1.8 Million within one hour upon receiving this letter, or it will be taken from you by force. Should you for any reason not have access to these funds you will be sent to work as a janitor until this debt is paid. Upon receipt of these funds you will then be given your new home. Your room will include the following: padded walls, no windows, no guests, no television, no communication to the outside world, and of course no sharp objects.
Best wishes and congratulations!
Sincerely,

Director of Admissions





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