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Today at 3:42am
I'm starting to really truly (strongly) dislike our system of teaching society. It's just ridiculous in my opinion. As I sit here (2:33 am) knowing I'm going to be staying up all night finishing work for teachers who don’t care if I fail or not, I'm just thinking to myself that I'm not even really learning anything.
Did I or did I not get something out of this? Was I inspired, was I excited, did I love it, did I hate it, do I want to know more, want to know less, was it worth my time, worth all the energy and soul I put into it… do I really care?
Its 2:36am and no. I just can't right now, all this useless work is draining, its sucking the soul right out of me, killing me slowly, and for what? A good grade? Not failing the class? Graduating? Yes. For those reasons exactly, and nothing more, and thats just a shame.
I find most everything I did/am doing tonight completely and utterly pointless, almost to the point that I just want to break down in tears and give up entirely, just not care anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love school, I have learned, I have teachers that inspire, make me think, make me feel, make me question, make me love, make me hate, but that’s because I intend on going beyond the teachings in school, researching on my own and finding out more and loving and hating to a whole new extent in my being. And I thank those certain teachers who introduced me to such concepts but as of right now (2:43 am) I can only sit here and wonder to myself how I could let my chronic procrastination get to this point.
The marking period is ending and I have yet to hand in precious work that determines my grades, my future, whether or not I graduate, go to a top college or settle for less, or going to college at all (Why go if I could learn so much more on my own, I have such a curious soul…)( But how could I possibly expect to get anywhere in life without the oh so holy paper printout of a certificate, a degree, a college degree..oh wow because if I have that then it means I'm worth something..it means I know things…it means I'm "educated" Golly gee I'd love to be educated in a top institution! Because then that means I'm a somebody! It gives me a true sense of accomplishment, I'm smart because I passed all my tests and I got a shiny certificate of merit that proves my knowledge.)
Joy of all joys (2:45 am) I have been working since I got home which was 6:38 pm. That’s how many hours? Id count it out but my self diagnosed dyscalculia is preventing me from doing so…dropping out of math class doesn't help either(not trying to blame teachers and all but I never learned any math in class, any amount of it I understand or still remember was credited to hours upon hours of cramming my brain with numbers, solutions, equations and all that fun, up to the point where, I knew it all like no tomorrow, but reading numbers backwards from time to time doesn't help much during a test. Thank you for understanding)
So, in conclusion (because I know how much teachers love that wondrous ending statement) The amount of time we spend doing pointless work is psychotic. Copying definitions from a textbook? Really, can anyone consider that learning? To learn we must experience, it should be a physical experience in my opinion. Because I learn with my whole body.
With text book studying, it's in my brain for a short period of time, once I take that test, forget it, it's gone from my mind, and why? Because it is useless. If it was worth the extra thought, students would want to do home work, it wouldn’t even be called work, it would be more like home study, home experience, home learn.
Home "work" just implies exerting extra strength to perform a task. Nowhere in the definition of the word "work" is there a mention of learning.
Thus re-coming to my conclusion that everything I am doing right now, AKA home " not learning" is pointless because its 2:56 am and all I have achieved is an angry rant about how school should honestly reconsider what they call "teaching". Because home work, tests and grades are not a reflection of a student knowledge and capability. It just makes me feel like a lab rat… tests and grades that’s all it comes down to.
That’s all we care about…but where is the actual learning involved in school? If I want to learn, I teach myself, because that's the only way you will ever get anywhere in life. Its 2:59 am and I will not be sleeping tonight because I have too much home work (labor/duty/toil/utter pointlessness) that I must catch up on. (3:01am)