In this ever-changing world, new occupations and skill sets require new college majors; and now, to reflect the changing acumen required in today’s workforce, many colleges and universities now offer the major “Introspection”, culminating in a Bachelor’s Degree in Introspection. Experts say that this program will draw upon the best strength of the millennial-that is, to sit and think and do not much of anything else.

To take a look at the typical curriculum and course load of this program, we look to one of the program’s first endorsers, Temple University, and their success in creating productive members of society. Throughout the four years of the program, students are required to take only a limited amount of courses, including Ceramics 101, The Art of Gentrification, Natural Photography, and Yoga. The rest of the program is built upon the “electives” program, in which students can “elect” to go to class or not. They are also required to spend at least two semesters abroad, in obscure places such as the Iles de la Madeline, Senegal, and Liverpool, Novia Scotia. (No, not the one with the football team in England, the one in Canada.) The Temple University website cites “a lack of world understanding” for the reason of these excursions, and hope that “students come back with not only a better understanding of the world, but of themselves.” Students are encouraged to go on additional excursions. Temple University also rolled out new classes, such as Introduction to Tumblr, in which students learn to make gif sets, embrace their true artistic ability, and complain about the lack of furry representation in obscure indie music scenes such as opera death pop punk metal with a little bit of flute and mandolin. Temple University, like most others, also initiated a program with extended breaks, as well as a two-day week in lieu of a five-day week to “allow students to think about their life, what it means, and how it affects the world”. They encourage students to stay at home or in their dorm, and spend time sitting and thinking.

Career counselors praise this new initiative. “Many times, we see students aren’t being hired because they are lacking the skill sets companies need,” one counselor stated. “Companies love to students who can’t code, do math, or be economically independent. Google contacted me for top-tier poets specializing in songbird interpretations from Oberlin College. The landscape of the workforce has drastically changed.”
Swarthmore University’s Dr. Vetnahyue agrees. “Our curriculum reflects the need in society to sit and do nothing. Perhaps write an essay or two, on the benefits of gluten-free. Buy a coffee, sit at the counter with your laptop. That your mother bought for you.”

A distressed student expressed dismay in his poor choice of major, and wished he spent his education on learning Introspection. “I can’t find a job with my degree in Engineering,” he says. “Learning chemistry, physics, and coding can’t land me a job at tech companies; they’re all hiring fashion designers specializing in pet lizards. I wish I had spent more time sitting and doing nothing; I would have a job by now!” A Gallup poll summarizes this sentiment: 74% of students now lack jobs because they picked “worthless” degrees such as Computer Science, Biological Engineering, and Physical Chemistry. Med schools and Law schools are also rejecting those with high marks on the MCAT and a high GPA; rather, they are selecting those with the best understanding of themselves.

There are a number of critics of this new initiative. A teacher at East Brunswick High School and Calculus activist cried, “Why the hell is Calculus not a required course? People are so freaking stupid these days! Jesus freaking Christ.” One critic of the program, a concerned mother in Hackensack, New Jersey asked, “Aren’t we just giving a name to the “Undecided” major?”  One interesting critic was a fellow Art major at Tulane University. “The arts are important. But this “new wave” of English, History and Art majors aren’t even good at their subjects. Like, smashing up a Styrofoam cup isn’t an artistic sculpture at all. It’s just a smashed-up Styrofoam cup. Why are they becoming successful while I’m still poor?”

Otherwise, reception of this new program is generally warm and well-received, with many economists, scientists and other esteemed members of society noting the importance of this skill set. “I really can’t wait until this new generation of young adults run out of money,” says Stephen Lee, a multi-billionaire that owns two companies. “It’s not like the entire economy will collapse since they can’t spend money on anything.” Dr. Howard of St. Peter’s University Hospital agrees. “Medicaid enrollment will increase,” he added, “Which is definitely a positive.”  The Dean of Harvard University was heard saying at a news conference; “At universities, we cater to the people, right? The new wave of millennials wants nothing but to sit and think about themselves. We want nothing but their money. Supply and demand. It’s a win-win situation.”

Students who select this major tend to double major, or minor, in related studies such as Hipsterology, Indieology, and Starbucksology, though institutions such as Temple University are already noting a decline in the last major. Their undergraduate admissions officer stated: “Many students are opting out of the Starbucksology major in exchange for Studies in Farmer’s Markets and Free Trade”.
Many higher levels of institution are also considering Master’s programs on the subject.

(As of this writing, it is not known whether this major falls under a Bachelor of the Sciences or Arts. Universities remain indecisive.)