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Picks up Twilight book. Throws it on ground. Stomps on it. Kicks it towards wall. Picks it up. Punts it into ceiling fan. Fetches it. Opens it. Takes a bite out of one page. Swallows. Throws it back on ground. Stomps on it. Walks outside. Drops it in pool. Gets it out. Stomps on it. Eats another page. Sets it on fire. Extinguishes it. Stomps on it again. It crumbles to ash. Puts ash in filled coke can. Gives drink to mortal enemy.

Once upon a time, there was a book. It was a good book, a different one that everyone seemed to enjoy and love. But it wasn’t what some would call normal. Unlike other books, it portrayed a love story between a vampire and a human—seems unnatural right? Well, this unnatural and strange story seemingly became a hit. Soon, though, it went well over its popularity limit. Yes, there can be an off-scale of things that get way too popular. It seems as if once over the scale, it travels down hill from there.

The book was good, but once it became more then a hit, critics started to critique. People started to pick teams—screaming the words “team Jacob” and “team Edward” down deserted streets and wearing shirts sporting the same words across their chest. Others started to cut themselves over not having a vampire or wolf boyfriend for themselves. And others, the more freakier of freaks, decided that if they stick plastic vampire teeth with permanent glue onto their gums that it would magically turn themselves into a vampire. Many later found out that it’s hard to eat food with fake teeth poking out of your mouth.

I haven’t even COVERED the whole sparkling vampire ideal. If I ever saw someone sparkling like diamonds, I’d brush by them thinking, wow, he must like glitter, and assume that he had poured the stuff all over himself. No, never in my entire life would my first thought be, oh my God vampire! Now-a-days, if I decided to re-read twilight, I would just laugh at its silly content. Even though I had once enjoyed it, I wouldn’t be able to look past it’s many ridiculous flaws that are so constantly ridiculed and made fun of by others—the Haters of the world—the ones that hate anything that a bunch of people love. You know that you are out there. You are the people that dislike anything that everyone else loves, just to be different. And you, silly Hater person, need to grow up and enjoy the world and yourself a bit more. Go visit some hippies; they can give you some cookies that will make you love the world.

So, to all you girls out there that want a vampire or where-wolf boyfriend, here is what I have to say. For the wolf lovers, go to the woods and explore until you find a wolf, walk up to it, and see if it turns human. To the vampire lovers, dig a grave, burry your-self, and see if you wake up a sparkling vampire in the morning.

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TheJust This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Haha, LOVE IT!!
M.K.Slate replied...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 10:59 pm
M.K.Slate said...
Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:47 am
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