How To Be the Perfect Friend | Teen Ink

How To Be the Perfect Friend

May 6, 2016
By M.Farhan BRONZE, Islamabad, Other
M.Farhan BRONZE, Islamabad, Other
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

This bond called friendship is unfortunately misconceived by most of the individuals of today. The definition of the nine-lettered word is much more diverse than it sounds. It involves a profound wisdom and a deep insight in order to differentiate between the friendships that will actually prove to be fruitful and amities that might although seem to be advantageous, but are rather destructive.


Maintaining a relationship is not as simple as starting it. We all regard trustworthiness and loyalty as the most prominent marks of a productive, long-lasting, and valuable friendship, but not many of us actually succeed in proving to be a companion worthy enough of being kept and cherished. Below are the qualities that I personally believe are the most paramount requirements in creating an enduring relationship.

 

1. RESPECT AND ACCEPTANCE: The first and foremost step in starting any relationship is respect and regard for the personal opinions, beliefs, passions and aspirations of an individual. You can never prove to be a worthwhile friend unless you do not accept the other person the way he is, as long as his actions aren't negatively affecting you emotionally, economically or morally. Remember that everyone has their own outlook on life, everyone sees the path to success from a different angle. A true friend is a motivator, not a dictator. So, you must keep your judgmental comments to yourself.

 

2. CRITICISM IN THE RIGHT CASES: The popular motto of "My life, my rules" might not necessarily prove to be effective in every case. Respect your friend's personal beliefs and motivate him to pursue his efforts in achieving a particular goal, as long as the goal isn't directed towards something that is morally unacceptable and degradable. Do whatever you can in stopping your friend from doing something that may lead to ruination. Don't heap praises on your friend merely because of the fear that his feelings may get hurt in case you contradict with his immoral beliefs. If you truly hold your comrade in high esteem, and if you really claim yourself to be a sincere companion, adopt every stance to direct your friend to the path of righteousness. Don't act extremely bossy or dictatorial though, otherwise your friend would see you as being offensive instead of wise and percipient.

 

3. MODERATION: Moderation is as vital in relationships as it is in other aspects of life. Don't act overly kind and affectionate even if there's no selfish motive behind your kindness and affection since you don't want the other person to think as if your love isn't unconditional. Similarly, be alert, and keep your eyes open if you find that an acquaintance is being excessively sympathetic and supportive all of a sudden. I'd like to quote a saying of Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (AS) here to further illustrate this concept of moderation in friendships.

"When you cherish someone you should cherish him moderately for he may be your enemy someday, and when you hate someone you should hate him moderately for he may be your friend someday."

 

4. EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN: Love everyone without the expectation of getting something in return. Expectations will only end up disturbing your own mental peace since you would find it extremely difficult to accept the simple reality that not everyone believes gifts, rewards, and words of affection are required to keep a relationship alive. Though it is undeniable that thoughtful presents can strengthen friendships since it is a sign that you spent your money or put in your efforts just to make your loved one happy, but not everyone thinks the same way. In short, some people aren't just so expressive. They do love you selflessly, but they might not usually show it.

 

5. DIPLOMACY: Quarrels, disagreements, and arguments may crop up sometimes even between two extremely intimate people. In such fragile situations, staying silent and ignoring all derogatory remarks from your friend is much better than saying words even more insulting and putting your friendship to an end. Silence truly is the best solution in fights, especially if you're dealing with a super-sensitive person. Walk away, give your friend's sentiments time to cool down. If he really does value your friendship, he'll himself feel remorseful for having blurted out too much in the fight. In case your friend doesn't apologize, it might be because simply he finds it impossible to surrender to his ego, if it isn't a sign that he undervalues you. Egoistic people are always arduous to deal with also because they'll always be testing your sincerity. They'll wait for you to come and apologize even if you weren't the one who began the dispute. In order to keep the relationship from deteriorating, it is best to respond with patience, and say sorry, even though you know it wasn’t your fault.

 

6. HONESTY: Don't fear to say ''no'' if you can't make a promise that your friend wants you to keep, no matter how close you two may be to each other. This might disappoint your friend for a while, but gradually he'll embrace the fact that at least you didn't make a fake promise solely to please him. When you praise him, be honest in the words you say, same goes when you're criticizing him (not in a derogatory tone, though, as I said before in this article).


Perhaps the greatest sign of a friend’s sincerity is that he’ll never desert you in times of miseries and destitutions, as an anonymous author very rightly observes, “True friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not.”


Mastering these six rules is surely not an overnight process, and even if you’ve mastered them, and are a sincere person, you’ll still need to have a lot of patience waiting for being bestowed with a friend who’s really worth your sincerity. You may get stabbed in the back a number of times, be abandoned by comrades you resolutely believed would stay by your side no matter what, but it’s obvious that the righteous ones are the greatest sufferers. However, we cannot deny the reality that a blameless sufferer is always blessed with the most stupendous rewards. The patience is worth having!
 



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 0 comments.


Ifrah said...
on Jun. 24 2016 at 12:43 pm
Farhan! Really this is wonderful. I am impressed!! Keep it up!