Something I find myself doing constantly is comparing my life when no one knew who I really was, who I really loved, and who was slowly dying inside hiding from the truth, compared to everyone that has been there when uncovered my truth.

When I was in school I could be what you say is apart of the “popular crowd”.  Which means I was always dating whoever the new kid was, or the one that everyone wanted, and finding young love. then drastically I found myself in the middle of a war, between what my family, friends, and  religion,  and what I was taught the right type of love is. . . And then there was what my heart yell for.

This only caused my uphill battle to become an event of life and death. When all I wanted was the adventure into the unknown in loving this sin that my heart cried out for. . . longed for. . . ached for . . . and bare the weight of knowing to love this way was so wrong. . . Not only was I embarrassed because I was taught something so different. Not only did I fear someone would find my deepest secret. not only exhausted, from hiding and lying, in fear of being disowned. As a result I put myself in the closet because I let fear over take the reasoning in my mind of the people who would stand with me. And the closet wasnt bad it was comfortable at times. But it was also sad. the closet did feel lonesome.  Worse of all when I found what I thought to be the one I couldn’t show the pride because my head reminded me its not okay.

Isn’t it crazy how the we let disapproval, anger, and disapointment keep us from being happy, open, and true. So instead we stay far alone. The mind blowing thing is that this is such a big deal of holding self hatred and shame that the people who where in your shoes at one time. The people who know how you feel. And can help you make it into tomorrow if all the people you wish stayed wherent strong enough to stand by your side. A community of people who accept you for you.

Hiding in the closet isnt a thrilling feeling,
it actually really sucks.
But staying in there wont make it go away,
it wont make it better.

Last word standing dare to be alive and come out the closet theres a whole ‘nother world  out here. Take your time and be confident in yourself. Believe in yourself. Dont let fear destroy what makes you truly happy, and tell the world. You’ll be suprised with who loves you no matter the circumstance. Close the door behind you on your way to be free.