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How to Survive Being Single on Valentine's Day


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Lonely? Are you sick of all the pink and red surrounding you? Do you hate Valentines Day in general? There are many that are just as pathetic as you. Realize that you are not alone in spirit, but physically (which we know is what really counts) you are as alone as you can get. Yes, there are people in the world that love you, but they, unfortunately will be loving someone else tonight But you are in luck; this is the semi-complete guide to surviving being single on Valentine’s Day.

First off, you need to go to the grocery store to gather food rations for night home alone. Wear horse blinders to stop yourself from seeing all the lovey dovey pink and red decorations everywhere. Gather chocolate, ice cream, a frozen dinner like pizza, and Doritos. Avoid talking to the cashier, because without a doubt, they will make a make a comment about all the food you’re getting, and probably ask if you are staying in tonight. If not, they’ll for sure give you that look of pity, because they have this understanding that you will be alone for this evening of love.
Next, as soon as you get home, you need to disconnect all electronics that would link you to any social networking websites. Those sites where happy couples will be touting about how wonderful their significant other is for that one day of the year. We all know that most of the other days people are complaining about their significant other, but there is this one day of the year. Then put your phone at the bottom of your dirty laundry basket, to stop yourself from looking at texts from friends wishing you a Happy Valentines Day while you are sitting home alone.

Next make your house or apartment as dark as possible, cover all your mirrors, and wear your favorite outfit that you would never wear out in public. Then quickly put the frozen pizza in the oven while you are prepping yourself for the evening alone. Put up your hair in the nastiest bun, and remove all your makeup. Then lock up all the cupboards that have pictures of you and loved ones so you are not tempted to reminisce on all those times where you felt loved. Go retrieve your pizza out of the oven and then sit on the couch surrounded by all the other junk food you bought. Turn on a movie, but by all means avoid any romances, preferably watch horror, serious dramas, or action movies. You want nothing that reminds you of the love you are lacking this evening.

Now as you’ve started these movies begin gorging yourself in all the unhealthy food you bought. Eat in the most unattractive way possible, because guess what you are the only one that gets to bask in this loveliness. Smile because you are happy with who you are and only you deserve to see yourself in this way in which you are your most natural. Enjoy this evening without regrets, you are important, even if you are the only one in the world who thinks so. Don’t worry about vacuuming up the crumbs from your Doritos or pizza, tonight is all about you. Now that your movie is over turn on your favorite playlist, in which you know every word to every song, and blare that music. Sing and dance all over your house, no one will know if you’re off key or look like an idiot, so just do it. After all that dancing you are probably exhausted so go grab a pillow and pick anywhere in your house or apartment to sleep, and crash. Dream of all the cleaning up you will have to do tomorrow and the extra running, just to work off those extra pounds you put on, because you are worth it!

Valentines Day does now have hope, you can get through it, even if you are single. Just grab your food rations, shut out the world, and dance the night away (by yourself). Now others may call you pathetic, which is true, but you at least had time to be your natural self. So grin and bare it, you are better off than all of those other losers. Despair not, you are important! Disclaimer: this semi-complete guide is intended to help get through Valentines Day and is not encouraging obesity, nor destructive thinking. Please only do what you are comfortable with, we are not responsible for any accidents that may occur.



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