When I’m with him, I feel a bunch of things and then at the same time, nothing at all. Like sometimes I don’t even think I like him that way anymore, but then BAM! Out of the blue, it comes back. Then sometimes I think I’m getting over him but then I get home and he’s all that I can think about – nothing else! An then I’ll tell myself to smarten up and that it’ll never last past highschool, but then I’ll think “well, what if it could?” Then I tell myself I’m being stupid and then there’s a part of me that says “Well, he stuck around this long! It must mean something!” and then there’s a part of me that thinks it’s just because we are great friends. What happens when he starts dating and drinking and partying? What am I going to do? I’m going to freak out. I want him to have fun but I want to be the reason behind it. I love making him smile and I’m so jealous of every other person who makes him smile. I love how he makes me laugh non-stop and makes me want to be happy and be with him all the time. I love his eyes, his smile, his hair, his height, and the way he always smells like old spice and antique wood. I love the way I feel that I can’t live without him, but I hate that very fact, too. And I hate that it’s become so normal to have him there with me that I forget and take it for-granted, but I wouldn’t wish him away for anything.
When I'm with Him
June 16, 2012