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A Reality of Falling in Love

Every girl goes through it. The moment you think you’ve fallen in love. Your age no longer matters. All that matters is the beating of your heart and how you feel. You’ve imagined the moment that you see him and instantly fallen in love but never really thought that it could happen. Yet here you are feeling this way. Love seems to be knocking right at your door and hey, how could you possibly refuse it?
Unfortunately, what once appeared to be a dream come true can turn into a complete and utter nightmare. For many girls this is a reality.
I was one of those girls.
Dictionary.com defines rape as “the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse”. It defines statutory rape as “sexual intercourse with a girl under the age of consent, which age varies in different states”.
Here is my story. In the summer of 2008 I was 13 years old and I naively thought that I was in love. By the end of August in that same year I no longer thought so. The reason being that on August 22 I was raped by my then boyfriend. I innocently trusted him and had my trust betrayed in the patch of woods across from my school. It’s the hardest thing to write out the details because it feels as if I’m reliving it. I thought we were going for a walk to meet some of his friends and I was going to hang around while they smoked. He started kissing me then touching me and before I fully comprehended what was happening he was pinning me down on the ground. I laid there with the sun across my face while little raindrops began to fall until he finished. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared and alone. I was shaking badly but he didn’t notice. He left to go home and I went back to the school to wait on my mom to pick me up.
On September 1, Labor Day, my mom took me to the nearest hospital. We had been fighting and she was terrified that I would kill myself. In Florida, the law is that if a person is taken into the hospital either threatening to kill themselves or very depressed they have to be Baker Acted. Being Baker Acted means that they take you to a facility where they can watch, evaluate, and diagnose you in an environment where you can’t hurt yourself. I was there for five days which seemed to drag on for weeks. I left with the diagnosis of depression and a subscription for anti-depressants. I didn’t take them for long. Although they appeared to make me happy I felt even closer to committing suicide.
Before I was raped, I had total trust in my mom. I could tell her anything but after it happened I simply felt that I couldn’t bear to tell her. I was ashamed and I hated myself. I felt that if I was stronger and smarter it wouldn’t have happened. Logically, I know now that there was nothing I could have done. I’m 5’1” and 94 lbs. with minor medical issues (ovarian cysts) so obviously when put up against a much bigger guy I don’t stand a chance.
The boy raped me a total of 6 times in various locations before my family and I moved to Virginia in October 2008. Miraculously, I managed to trust another boy while up there. He understood that I was hurt. He helped me through my self-loathing and I truly believe that in a way he saved my life. He made me want to live again. Towards the end of 2009, I was finally healed enough to be able to bring myself to tell my mom what happened. It was such a saddening experience when I told her. She put the pieces as to why I had hated myself so much and we cried for hours and hours.
The reason why I’m writing this isn’t just for myself. I want every person who reads this to understand that terrible things can happen even when it’s not your fault. This world we live in can be the most beautiful thing to ever exist in our eyes but it still has its dangers like a rose has thorns. We, as teenagers and as human beings, are in no ways invincible and nor should we have to be. When awful things happen we can still rise above it all. We can become all the stronger for it.




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This article has 27 comments. Post your own!

SPRING said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 9:28 pm:
I REALLY AM SORRY FOR YOU BY WHAT I HAVE READ ABOUT U ,I LOVE YOUR ARITICLE AND I THINK I'M A FAN
 
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wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 2:55 pm:
this is such an empowering article . . . you are - there is no adjective to describe what i feel. added to my favorites.
 
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UnwantedNinja said...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 2:18 am:
I respect u a lot it takes a lot of courage to come out !!!
 
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she-is-a-strange-duckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 6:22 pm:
thanks so much for sharing your story. it can't have been easy. you are amazingly strong. keep writing.
 
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ashley1012 said...
May 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm:
this is so very brave of you to  share this story i am sorry it happen to me when i was six and it was by my  cousin
 
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sunriseusnset said...
Apr. 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm:
that was very brave of you to share your story. even though i have not gone through this, i can still feel your pain. so, thank you.
 
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MissDarkCrossThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 8:35 pm:
This is amazing and your so brave for telling people you don't even know, your expirence. It's great that you wrote this, people need to know what could happen..</3 I'm sorry for what happend to you, thanks for writing this though, XD You did an amazing job..
 
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Speedyloris said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 12:31 am:
You are wonderful, insightful and brave for posting what seems to be your most traumatizing experienced. This left me both awed and inspired. You seem like such an amazing, complex, and thoughtful person. Thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry you suffered through such a terrible experience. You have alot of potential.
 
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HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm:
wow.  I am completely awed by you.  it's absolutely incredible, I can't imagine it.  all i can say is wow.  you are amazing.
 
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shedevil said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 7:51 am:
Its good that you can put this expeirence behind you , never forget but move on. This was well written , good job :)
 
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Sliva23 said...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 6:48 am:
You have truely made me think about some many things!! Im just scared now of what will happen to be if i come across a guy like that.
 
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Unwritten said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 8:42 am:
This is really powerful, i can just feel the emotion. You must be so brave, i don't know if I coudl handle something like this. 
 
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tianaxbiddy said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 4:59 pm:
im sorry for what happened to you. i have tears in my eyes (i didnt let them fall cuz my mom sent me to my dads). i wish i knew you because i want to tell you something..... i sorta understand but not really (if u get wat i am tryin to say).
 
mikamika94 replied...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 3:42 pm :
If you want to talk to me more, you're welcome to email me at mikamika94@yahoo.com.
 
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BulletProofKid8942 said...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 10:16 pm:
This makes me so angry!!! Right now I am cursing so much, I might explode! That guy is messed up! I don't know how you feel, but this must be terrible for you! Even though I am athiest, he must go to HELL!!! Sorry, I said that. And I am sorry what happened, happened. I am truly sorry. Hopy you have a better life! :-)
 
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ellemarie said...
May 10, 2010 at 7:47 pm:
I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I am glad to see that you got through it.  I hope that you are doing well.
 
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loveya09 said...
Apr. 11, 2010 at 3:40 pm:
i like that
 
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little-miss-sunshine said...
Apr. 11, 2010 at 3:25 pm:
I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I wish there weren't people like your "boyfriend" out there yet sadly there is. I thank you so much for posting this story as I understand, how hard it must have been. You're a great inspiration for everyone, and this article helped put my own problems into perspective. To top it all off, a greatly written piece as well.
 
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lauraea23 said...
Apr. 11, 2010 at 9:42 am:
It makes me sad to hear that you had to go through such a traumatizing experience. You are obviously a very strong and resilient person - and like moonluv said, a great inspiration. Your writing is amazing, too.
 
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mikamika94 said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 4:02 pm:
I would appreciate many more comments to follow these. Whether it's abotu the content of the article or the way it's written. I would even like to hear other people's experiences.
 
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