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Nicki Minaj for President!

Onika Tanya Maraj came “to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive.” She came “to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise.” Onika, better known by her stage name, Nicki Minaj, came to fly. Her impact on America is a blessing in a neon pink wig. Minaj deserves every bit of praise and all the stacks of dough that she earns, if not more. Through her meaningful music, efforts to enhance the American standard of living, and trend-setting attire, she instills self-acceptance and social etiquette in her followers.

The painful and joyful experiences of Minaj’s life that are captured in her lyrics help her listeners cope with their own lives. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” she raps in her recent masterpiece “Starships.” To connect with her toddler fan base, Nicki incorporates nursery rhymes into her music. She believes in the children so strongly that she is sure they will cover their ears if a bad word accidently slips into the song. In “Right By My Side,” Nicki Minaj reaches out to anorexics and insomniacs. “I can’t eat I-I-I-I…I can’t sleep I-I-I-I,” she stammers. This symbolizes her frustration with the thought of people harming themselves or feeling self-doubt.

If saving lives through her music is not enough, Nicki’s generosity is apparent from her steps to improve the American economy. Hoping to jolt this country out of its recession, Nicki wrote the chart-topper “Beez In The Trap.” It goes out to middle class Americans who struggle to make ends meet. What does “Beez In The Trap” actually mean? Nicki confirms on The Graham Norton Show: “[Beez] just means… “I am always,” you know… we be like, I beez doing such and such and such. Really, it’s like, I am always in the trap. Now, the trap, ladies and gentlemen, relates to anywhere that you get your money.” This humble billionaire understands the stress of a nine-to-five workday. Despite all the zeroes in her own bank account, Nicki empathizes with citizens about how unfair it is that money runs the world.

As a worldwide sensation, it is any superstar’s duty to remind those who feel invisible and alone that they are loved even without flashy clothes or layers of concealer. Nicki Minaj takes this concept to an entirely new level. In majority of her public appearances, she is spotted looking as natural as possible: sporting signature two inch lashes, a simple, green wig, and maybe a dab of glow-in-the-dark Very Berry lip gloss if she’s aiming to please. Also, wearing designer brands is for attention-seekers – “she got a Gucci fetish, she got a Louis problem” (“Shopaholic”). Nicki’s minimalist approach to the lights, cameras, and action of the music industry convinces aspiring artists that looking expensive and being talented are two separate things. Her 2011 MTV Video Music Awards apparel demanded encores of approval. The staff that chose the Best Dressed Celebrities at Rolling Stones agrees, stating “She even taped her mouth shut – rendering her literally speechless. Well, so were we.”

International icon Nicki Minaj has proved to be an extremely beneficial influence on America. Soon, we can look forward to neon colored wigs lighting up our dull lives. Soon, waffle-house (“a clearly misguided old wrinkle” as defined by will be a common insult. Whether you are trying to soothe yourself with music after a long day, 37 and unemployed, or looking for a modest outfit for a formal event, you can turn to Onika. Free yourself from the trap by voting for Nicki Minaj: Musician, Politician, and Fashionista Extraordinaire!

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TARDISdriver said...
Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Ok, so I"m gonna preface this with the fact that I don't actually really like Minaj, at all. I think she's giving music a bad name and killing the past. But that's just me. I was kind of confused when reading this. Some things seemed really sarcastic and ironic, but at other times, you actually seemed serious. What were you going for here?
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