I don’t get it; it’s not enough to just be with me. Nothing is fun without involvement of alcohol and weed. I remember the innocence that once pulsed through every vein in their body. They beheld the curious minds that needed the experience, the unknown of what was to come. But now they experience it every weekend of their lives. I don’t comprehend the naïve understanding they contain for all I hear is “We miss you and never see you anymore” and here I think “I wonder why”. I love them all, and don’t want to go on without them but I’m in the wrong doing for I haven’t said “Stop”. I sit there and watch the events unfold. The laughter expressed and the fun untold. I laugh at the jokes and influence the high, for I’m laughing too and it’s called a natural high. I’m thought of has mom for I take care of all, and wonder what happens when I’m not present for long. Dangerous things can happen when drunk, the next thing you know you’re in bed with a guy. When will it be enough, when will they see; what they’re doing is hurting them, and killing me. Who will be the first to say its over with and I’m done? Young lives at cost, young hearts now burdened with forgotten mistakes. Purity is taken for there isn’t any control. They’re taken advantage of when in a state of horrid being. I’m not there to stop it, but yet again who am I to control what they do with their lives. Who am I to say no, this wrong for you and take away their life experiences? Who am I to sit by and let my best friends lose themselves to what I fought so hard to once get rid of. I am the one who is not letting my friends hurt themselves anymore. I’m the one who is standing strong.
February 26, 2010