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It's Your Fault

By , San Antonio, TX
You first picked up the bottle many years before I was born, and ever since it's become a part of you. You've lost yourself so many times in the alcohol, and you've allowed it to take over your life. I don't know why you believed that your problems would really disappear at the bottom of the bottle, but you did. As the alcohol took over your life, took over your attitude, and everything that surrounded you; you let it happen. I never had teh dad that I wanted because of the decisions you've made. I've dealt with your love interests and the pain they've inflicted on me both physically and mentally and I've been fighting to move on my whole life, but the memories won't go away. The memories of all the times I was yelled at or hurt and you didn't do anything because you were to absorbed in yourself will not go away. The times you promised me over and over that you would quit drinking will never disappear. With every broken promise, it's as if I've received a slap in the face and now it's as if I've got scars across my cheek forever. Every time I see you I think og the things you've done and how poorly you've treated the people I care about, including myself. You're selfish, even if you won't admit it. I think you know it deep down, and everyone surrounding you knows it as well. You aren't my dad anymore; you're a stranger. Your drinking ripped the family apart and you and I will never be the same. I'm scared of you, and I can't help but blame the alcohol.
You were beautiful. You were the daughter of a woman that I didn't like, one of my dad's wives that treated me poorly. You watched me grow up and you helped dry my tears during the times that I was most hurt. You made me feel safe in the worst situations. I still remember you teasing me and even though it used to upset me, I can't help but smile now. I remember a lot about you, Mallory. I never relly saw you after my dad got a divorce with your mom, but you were still in my thoughts. You were never just a step sister to me, you were always a real sister in my mind. A year before your end we met again and a wide smile rushes across my face as I remember you telling me that you loved me and missed me, and that you hadn't forgotten me nor would you ever. And the next thing I knew, you were gone. Your boyfriend picked up the bottle and got in the car, too drunk to even think about his actions. Were you drinking? I don't know, but that doesn't matter right now. You were trying to get him to stop speeding away from the cops, trying to get him to pull over. But the alcohol had consumed his mind and taken away all sense that he had. He lost control of the car and split a pole. The car rolled over six times. You were gone and I miss you still, and I can't help but blame the alcohol.
I never really knew you. You were my cousin but I never even got the chance to know you very well. You were born normally, but one night your father filled your bottle with the monster. You drank it and wound up in the hospital, and you were never the same. You became special ed, unable to talk, and forever bound to a wheel chair. Your father hurt you, and I'm so sorry that he did He liked to hit you and your mom and I'll never understand why. The only thing I can think of is that the alcohol was turning him into that kind of person. There is hardly a period of time when you don't come into my thoughts. You will always be in my heart, Seth, and I hope that you're in heaven and that you're normal again. You were never given the chance to live a normal life, and I can't help but blame the alcohol.
I see your affects all around me. I watch as the people that surround me and that I care about use you without a second thought. I've seen people's lives dmanaged, destroyed, changed, and ended because of you. You're a monster, that's all that you are. You've managed to trick people into thinking you're helping them escape their problems, but in reality you're keeping them from any safe escape. With you, they aren't safe and they never will be. You grab them and you hold them down, and in some cases they can't ever seem to escape your grasp. For some, it's easy to get away from you. But for others it's impossible unless they are taught how to. You would think that people would realize that anything that could cause things such as this to happen isn't worth the few moments of 'happiness' they think they're feeling. You aren't worth the family you've destroyed. You aren't worth my sister's life. You aren't worth my cousin's chance of ever being normal. You aren't worth things that I can't even speak of that you've caused; the memories that will consume and haunt my brain until my final breath. You aren't worth anything; you're useless.
Wheat you've done to me has ripped me apart and kept me from having a normal life. What you've done to me has kept me down ever since I was a little girl and I'm scared sometimes that I won't ever be able to pick myself back up again. However, I'm stronger than most that surround me. I haven't tasted you, and I have no desire to. I am able to go out with my friends and have a good time without even mentioning you or thinking about you. I have the events in my past to thank for that. You've destroyed my life... you've destroyed a lot of things, but you haven't destroyed me and I won't let you. I know the truth about you, what you really are, and I'm never going to let you take control of me and what I have left. I'm strong, and I can't help but blame you.



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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

frnkplss55 said...
Mar. 1, 2010 at 10:12 am
I think this is the best article I have ever read in my life. It is hard to describe such experiences but you did and that is wonderful. i also want to thank you because you inspired me to pour my heart out on this situation. Thank you so much once again...It is a great piece.
 
jbrantley replied...
Mar. 1, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Thank you so much! :) I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry about all the typos, by the way. I typed it quickly and didn't proof read. :/
 
txga said...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Wonderful! Alcohol can destroy and does destroy many lives. If you drink, do it responsibly, DON'T DRIVE or ride with someone who has been drinking. Take control of your life, don't let alcohol take control of you. AA, AL-ATEEN, AND ALANON can help. Alanon gave me my life back. The story above was written by my daughter, and very true. Drinking is not the problem, it's what you do when you are drinking and the lives that can be destroyed that is the problem.
 
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