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Brave

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I was pierced by a youthful sorrow so powerful that I suddenly stopped crying and tried to hold still against the pain. I desperately wanted time to stop, to hold the ship of life still with the force of my will. Looking ahead, I came across a stormy blankness- an enormous darkness waving across my imagination as if a heavy curtain had been pulled over the future. I could feel something, probably panic, building up in my chest. Dull, gray light took the place of the clear, bright shaft of sunlight, making my days excruciatingly a nightmare! I knew that feeling wasn’t going to fade; it sucked my consciousness away! Like drowning, my breath was caught in my throat and my mind went around in circles. “There was no reprieve”. An immense terror was gripping my soul! Affliction was trickling like acid through my veins. A huge smirk on his face, he didn’t seem sorry. Hopelessness had gotten the best of me, as the haunted look never left his eyes. All colors ran out of my lovely delusions. No! My mind rejects the idea of being pulled out of my childhood, my pleasures… I tried to run, but I was afraid I was going to fall! I was afraid he would follow me, tease me till I couldn’t stand anymore! I was afraid he would chase me, forever!
But then, out of the blue, “the truth began to dawn on me”. Finally I was able to see through my unconsciousness miles and miles, never finding a contradiction to my words. And I thought:” Could words be weapons?” Well, yes, for here they are. I had once tried to write, had once caroused in feeling, let my nude imagination wander, but the idea that our world is nothing but a disintegrated world of conquest, violence, exploitation wouldn’t set me free. However, as time flew by, I learned that even if I want to move on with life, I cannot let past experiences slip out of my memory, for the future is to be found in the past’s fears and failures. One might lie about his past, or one may omit facts; still, for tomorrow to be as shining as it could, we need to absorb the failures and become stronger. I learned how to feel, even if little, of that sense of freedom. And now, I frequently glance towards the distant and receding line of the horizon and I know that in order to survive, I need to be brave. Now, I walk in the cool, dim light of a fading sunset, across the dark grounds until I reach the bench in the shadow of the oaks. Now, I fear nothing, because I know I won’t accept to be bullied anymore. I know that I can and will stand up to my rights. I know that it is not a matter of what he says, but a feeling of something new, being struck by a revelation of my brave new world.



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kam06 said...
Jun. 5, 2012 at 8:26 am:
excelent piece Loulou! keep up the great work!
 
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kam06 said...
Jun. 5, 2012 at 8:25 am:
excelent piece! keep up the great work!
 
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