I Look Him in the Eye

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People tell you that before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. They say that you wake up knowing the day you will end. I stand here and wonder.

Did you know that you can look a person in the eyes and know what they are thinking? And that they can do the same? I know. I stand here holding my gun and know he's thinking the same as me.

How did I get here? I know the process. The late nights and early mornings; the coldness of orders and the heated love they are delivered with. But still, how is it that I never questioned myself? I never believed I would kill a man, yet I know how to shoot a gun. This wasn't going to happen. It isn't possible. I refuse its reality.

Do you know the weight of a human soul? I do. I hold it in my hands and I shake. Who am I to decide that he is wrong and that I am right? When does a sin cross the line? When does the punishment equal death? I don't know. How do I decide? I here the deafening sound of guns and bombs. And death. The voices and shouts are inescapable and incomprehensible. I know that any moment, I too will die.

People believe that they are untouchable. Invincible. I believed it also. But I do not blame them. I do not blame myself. How can a person know that they can die until death touches them?

I stand here and hold a gun, but I have no will to use it. His eyes look back at me. Questioning. I wonder why he doesn't end it. And I pray he would. Take the pain. Take the guilt. Take it. I cannot hold both our lives.

One tear slips down his face and I feel its path on my cheek. It exposes his vulnerability, and I know he can see my weakness. I pray that he has a mother, a father to mourn him and miss him in the days that follow. I do not want all him to die. And I pray that my loves don't cry.

When was it that humanity forgot its race? Decided that we are all equal. And in doing so decided that we all equally deserved to die. I try to see the honor in war, and I feel myself at a loss. How is it that we can take a life and not feel it steal some of our own? Because one person changes the world and I change that person. Our lives hold hands and one of us will sever the connection.

Someone tell me what to do.

Tell me. Tell me!

I hear no voice. I feel no pain.

So I will say it for everyone to hear.

Don't do it brother. Don't do it son. I hold my gun and look him in the eye.





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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Hay_Wire This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 10, 2009 at 10:16 pm
heh.. noooo, not at all what happened to me.. i didnt htink about that :)
 
Zero_K This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2009 at 10:59 pm
This really happened to you? Seriously? This is awesome but honestly hard to believe it should be in the nonfiction section. BRAVO! ZERO
 
cross-i'd-leopard said...
Apr. 27, 2009 at 12:10 am
whoa. whoa. whoa. that was really deep. really expressive. luved it.
 
Bridie said...
Apr. 18, 2009 at 6:37 am
wow i am absalutly speachless. wait let me think... that was amazing i love it. i want it to be mine! :) PLAESE! i had to think stop and wait to process it. your poem has such an impact.
 
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