A Modest Proposal for Enhancing Women's Social Status

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No longer are women considered property at the disposal of a man. No! Women control their own futures, make their own decisions, even find love in the “male” in other females, if you catch my drift. A new age has dawned and with it many revolutionary ideas, just a few years ago considered peculiar. For instance, America, although a land of opportunity and potential, not too long ago, was a hard place for persons of female gender to prosper. However, such an advent as the octuplet mom shows how completely the face of success has changed. At one point in time, in order for a woman of any color to get recognition, she had to do as much as a man and more, sometimes to be rejected all the same. A woman had to be twice as smart, conniving, and professional in order to stand a chance at competing with a male with lower credentials for any position, much less receive accolades or recognition for a job well done. Nonetheless, now women can sell themselves to science, serve as the incubators for a reproductive contest and what’s even better, be paid for it. Now what an event! The tables have been flipped. No way can the male compete with the child birthing talents of a woman—not yet anyways—although, I’m sure such a travesty is underway.



The honor and prestige in giving birth to multiple children is momentous. It is with great delight and dignity that a potential woman volunteer her womb as a carrier for a baby. Small hospitals and homes that can hold up to fifty belly-swollen women will become a hot commodity everywhere. The incentive? Each hospital will be fully furnished with personally designed rooms for the occupant of the next nine to ten months. Free meals with a wide variety of healthy selections will be available five times a day—of course, occasional mischievous self indulgences will be permitted on a reasonable basis. Furthermore, unlimited healthcare and hefty checks to reimburse the mother for the pain and months of inconvenient moodiness and cravings in itself should be good incentive enough for every female to be rushing to the nearest breeding house near them! In fact, these breeding houses will become so popular, baby counts and reproduction will become a contest between the local breeding stations, as there is quite sure to be several in every city. For some women, giving birth can be their full time job—with overtime being the period of breastfeeding a healthy baby. This eliminates the time spent trekking through the sticky formalities of adoption and foster homes. Who wants to put up with rebellious teenagers or the never ending questions of a grade school breed? Now, thanks to the example set by the octuplet mother, the profit can be made at the birth rather than wading through all the headaches and state expectations of foster homes only to receive that meager check every month. This also eliminates the need for welfare and the hassle that comes with all the inspections and confirmations to ensure that the recipient is not indeed lying in order to receive the check. As these thousands of children grow up they will become our new working class. The factories will come back to our country, thus boosting our economy. And these children will be proud—proud to be of the “working womb” generation and ready to procreate, also, if given the opportunity to achieve such wealth so easily. This is the epitome of the American Dream—to embark upon a novel idea and succeed by being an entrepreneur of “hard work” and “sacrifice.”





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