As long as I remember, I have always been a worrier. I have an amazing ability to worry about the most trivial tasks and about things in the distant future. When I was younger this was worse, I would worry about the most trivial things, yet in my mind, they would appear to be terribly important. Then I learned a way to cope, that way was through my diary. By writing a list of what was worrying me, I felt instantly relived. It was as though the worry was the ink, flowing from the pen, and once it was on the paper, it wouldn't smudge. I remember my first diary was simply a 'Composition Notebook'. Similarly to thousands of little girls around America, in an effort to personalize my notebook, I plastered pictures of N'sync and Backstreet Boys. Yet I quickly learned it wasn't the cover that would make the diary my own; it was the writing. I started my first diary when I was 10, and have saved everyone. They now line my book shelves, all 8 of them. I love looking them over, seeing myself mature, grow and learn. Recently I have noticed a trend, consistently through the 7 years of journals, one concept, one belief has consistently come into play. It is the idea that anyone can achieve anything if they set their mind to do it. In a journal from 6th grade I wrote for literally 6 weeks straight about how worried I was about the basketball team tryouts, I would complain saying that, that I had practiced so much, and would be really upset if I didn't make the team. In truth, I had practiced a lot, but would it be the end of the world if I didn't make the team? no. The day I found out I had made it I wrote, 'hard work pays off anything can be done with it.' Through the years I saw this quote appear time and time again. Perhaps the word choice changed, but in the end the same clich'd message still appeared, 'one can achieve what ever they set their mind to'. Although it is a simple concept, it is setting your mind to do something which truly takes strength. It's a persistent struggle to try and outwit our fear, to try and talk louder than our own mind's insecurity. Yet once we reach the echoing certainty that our mind screeches anything can be achieved. And here is where the problem lies, because when most people think they want something, they can't muster the drive to excel. And in that moment of failure, and recognition of inability; we curse the statement, saying not all can be achieved, instead of blaming ourselves, because putting yourself at blame is the most difficult task one can be faced with. When you recognize that you are solely responsible, with no one else to blame, that candid honesty is where one can learn of the dedication necessary in order to excel. It is overcoming that voice in our heads reminding us of the conflict we may face, and the hardships we may encounter, yet if we have chosen our path regardless of these voices they will fade into oblivion, because only our security can silence these pessimistic ghost whispering in our minds. This drive to silence, and this drive to excel is what is necessary to make all goals achievable. Obtaining this can be hard. With all the influences from our family, friends, and even from ourselves, reaching a point at which we feel as though you have the power and the strength to achieve most anything can take an entire life. Although it may take decades, I believe that at one point in everyone's lives we will realize that they are solely responsible for the fear that is holding them back, from this denial that prohibits them from excelling. And when one realizes that they can conquer the fear instead of spreading, from that moment on, anything can be achieved.
In order to excel
March 15, 2009