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In Between

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Author's note: This is one of my first novels I have written. I really enjoyed writing it and am looking forward...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: This is one of my first novels I have written. I really enjoyed writing it and am looking forward to writing more novels in the future.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 ... 23 Next »

Michelle

I stand at the edge of the cliff, peering down below. Out of all of the things here, this place always appears before me the easiest. Below me, I am watching Sam walk home from school. I miss walking home with him. I miss my brother.
Then, I see some boys walking behind him. One of them is Luke, a boy who thought it would be funny to lift up my skirt in the middle of class when we were both kindergarteners. The rest of the boys I recognize from my neighborhood, but they all had seemed like idiots to me so I did not bother to learn their names when I was on Earth. But somehow I know that one of the boy’s names is Patrick, and the scrawny looking one is Victor.
My hands clench into fists as I watch Luke knock Sam off of his feet.
“Come on, Sam,” I whisper, urging him on, “Defend yourself.”
I cannot help but gasp when I see Luke bring a knife to Sam’s throat. If he had made the tiniest cut against my baby brother’s skin, I would do anything to get revenge.
But how could I get revenge? I was not even on Earth.
“I know what you are thinking. Take my advice: Whatever you do, do not do it.” Raven appears behind me.
“They are hurting my brother! They are hurting Sam!” I cry.
“Those who jump, they do not normally come back. Once you go, it is nearly impossible to find peace, and if you cannot find peace, you cannot return. Earth can be such a horrid place. Do not get stuck there, wandering in the In Between for eternity. Stay here, one day your brother will be here too.”
I watch as Luke runs the knife down Sam’s face and I cannot stand the fact that I am watching helplessly from above.
“How can I have peace if my brother gets hurt?” I cry, and without waiting for a response, I jump.

I am falling, head first, down and down towards the Earth below. I can no longer see my brother, as I speed closer and closer the ground blurs together. I do not get that butterfly feeling that I used to get when I rode down really steep hills on roller coasters, however I seem to be falling gracefully, as if I am a bird swooping down from the mighty treetops.
I begin to lose control and do a somersault in the air. And then another. Yet I do not feel sick, I guess spirits cannot become queasy. Then I regain control and continue to fall, my arms out in front of me as if I am flying.
By now I am falling at such a great speed that I start to realize that I might die when I hit the ground. But spirits are already dead, I remember, and I hope that the impact does not hurt a great deal. The air is rushing quickly around me, and I cannot help but squeeze my eyes shut.
I am falling.

I land gently on cement, as if I was slowly set down instead of falling from a great height. It is dark, and I realize that I am in somebody’s basement. I look at the roof above me and I see no hole where I fell through. The basement has an eerie familiarity, as if I had been here before.
I stand up, brushing off the dust that blankets the floor. Spider webs decorate the walls as if no one had bothered to clean this place in a very long time.
I come across a light, which is shining from underneath a door. The light shines over a long staircase which leads to the top. The stair creaks loudly as I set my foot on it. Slowly, I climb them, one by one, until I am facing the door, but when I reach for the knob, I realize that I am locked down here.
But I am not alone. I hear a young boy softly crying.
“Hello?” I call out, “Who’s there?”
No answer. The quiet crying does not cease.
I return into the darkness down below.
“Hello?” I call out again, this time more timidly.
I see a shadow of a small boy, hugging his knees. He, too, looks familiar, and I am sure that I would know him if I could just see his face.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
The boy slowly turns around, revealing a blackened face. Blackened from burning. He raises one of his burned arms and points at me.
“I loved my murderer. I loved my murderer.” He repeats, over and over, staring at me with sad eyes.
I hear a loud creaking noise, the sound of door opening, and then a footstep. And then another. A series of footsteps make their way down the stairs with a very slow rhythm.
The boy’s voice turns shriller, and now he is shrieking those four words.
“I loved my murderer.”
A dark silhouette faces me, hidden by the shadows. The boy goes quiet and I watch him crumble into ashes.
I stare at the dark figure, my legs feeling like large blocks of lead. I want to say something, but when I try to talk no words leave my mouth.
The figure gestures towards where the boy once stood. On top of the ashes, there is a body lying face down.
I drag my feet towards the corpse, but they grow heavier and heavier with each step. Finally, I kneel down and turn the body over.
I stare down at myself, my body. I look at my face, pale and cool to the touch. My eyes are gouged out, and blood streams down from where they once were like tear tracks.
“Once the life left them, there was no use for them.” I can feel my murder’s breath against the back of my neck.
I begin to scream.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 ... 23 Next »


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This book has 46 comments. Post your own now!

xelawriter97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
I LOVE the prologue! I can't stop reading it's so good. And yes! You should make the prologue a short story!!!! :-)
 
xelawriter97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:19 am
nevermind, I saw the story "The Murder of My Brother" Yay
 
FlashlevitationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 1:22 pm
This sounds a lot like The Lovely Bones so I don't find it very original.
 
.Izzy. replied...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Thank you for your feedback. The Lovely Bones is probably my favorite book and I've noticed the similar plot. But the stories also have a lot of differences too. I have read tons of stories on here which have reminded me of books I have read, but that's their own personal version of the story. But, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 13, 2011 at 6:50 am
Wow. I just read the prologue and I. Literally. Got. Goosebumps. It was amazing! The voice is really strong and drew me in really well. I am definitely going to read on immediately. Good job!!! :)
 
.Izzy. replied...
May 13, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Thanks you!
 
Aslienctvoice said...
May 12, 2011 at 3:03 pm
ok. W. O. W!!!!! I only have read the prolong and I love it!!! That was amazing!! i cant wait to read more!!!
 
.Izzy. replied...
May 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Thanks! I was thinking of also making the prologue a short story but I'm not sure
 
DaylightDarkness said...
May 10, 2011 at 7:29 pm
This is awesome! I just finished chapter three but youve drawn me in. You got the perfect blend a realistic beleivability, fear, suspense, and skin crawling anticipation here! I'll admit it, this may be the first mystery book i like!
 
.Izzy. replied...
May 11, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Thanks I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far!
 
alex198 said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 6:03 pm
This was a really great novel! My favourite part was actually the prologue. You built up such a great atmosphere and tension. It was really creepy and disturbing and at parts hard to read, but in a good way :) I also loved your characters. They were really distinctive characters and I liked the changing points of view because of this. I always knew when the point of view had changed even if I didn't read the name at the top. I loved it! :)
 
.Izzy. replied...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 6:51 pm
I'm glad you liked it even though it parts it was hard to read :b Thanks!
 
AEAluvsanimals said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Great novel! There are a few things i think you could improve, like going into how lonely Sam is now that his sister- the only person he really cared about is gone. Also, some of the dialouge seems a bit forced, like when Luke says I can't deal with the emotional pain. People don't reallt talk like that. He might say, " It hurts." or "You think I would kill someone else? You think I could? Look what the first murder did to me!"

But nobody ever says they have emotional pain. A... (more »)

 
.Izzy. replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 5:42 am
Thank you! I got one comment about how they found the way my characters talk to be a little weird. Now that you pointed that out, I think it will be an easy fix.
 
navishjaved said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm

This book is excellent! I knew that this would have a twist to it. :D I love books that have twists to them. It was hard for me to guess who the murderer was . . . I ended up being wrong! I was 101% sure that Luke was the murder.

You do a really great job of organizing your paragraphs, chapters, sentences, words. :) My heart was pounded as I read. It was so sad in the beginning when she killed her brother. I felt so many emotions during this book.

I even asked my little s... (more »)

 
.Izzy. replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 5:41 am
I'm glad you liked it! I noticed my chapters were short, especially in comparison to the prologue, so I'll definitely get around to fixing that
 
Medina D. said...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 10:53 pm
This story reminds me very much of another story........the lovely bones. Sorry it took me such a while to read it. I'll admit, i got emotional while reading it. You did a great job. If there were any grammar mistakes, i probably missed them because i was so caught up in the story. i knew Hope was the murderer, but i loved how the prologue really connected with the last part of the story; the begining must've been the most interesting chapter. But if these are all going to be chapters in a book,... (more »)
 
.Izzy. replied...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 5:46 am
I actually got the idea for the story right after reading  the book, it's one of my favorites. I'll probably get around to editing the chapters and making them longer-i noticed they were much shorter compared to the prologue. Thanks!
 
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 10:53 am
The prologue was definitely a great grabber point, but I felt the subsequent chapters were far too short in comparison. Perhaps cutting down on the number of chapters in order to have longer chapters?
 
.Izzy. replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:35 am
Good idea. I had noticed that my prologue was really long, but I was not sure how to make the other chapters longer as well. Thanks for the idea
 

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