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In Between

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Author's note: This is one of my first novels I have written. I really enjoyed writing it and am looking forward...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: This is one of my first novels I have written. I really enjoyed writing it and am looking forward to writing more novels in the future.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 21 22 23

Michelle

Colors blend with one another as they swirl around me. First, there is a mix of red and blue. Then, purple. Then there is a flash of yellow, which dimmed to a burned orange.
I am flying, soaring, up and up. The ground below me is growing farther and farther away. But I am not afraid.
I am free.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 21 22 23


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This book has 46 comments. Post your own!

xelawriter97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:16 am:
I LOVE the prologue! I can't stop reading it's so good. And yes! You should make the prologue a short story!!!! :-)
 
xelawriter97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:19 am :
nevermind, I saw the story "The Murder of My Brother" Yay
 
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FlashlevitationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 1:22 pm:
This sounds a lot like The Lovely Bones so I don't find it very original.
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm :
Thank you for your feedback. The Lovely Bones is probably my favorite book and I've noticed the similar plot. But the stories also have a lot of differences too. I have read tons of stories on here which have reminded me of books I have read, but that's their own personal version of the story. But, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 13, 2011 at 6:50 am:
Wow. I just read the prologue and I. Literally. Got. Goosebumps. It was amazing! The voice is really strong and drew me in really well. I am definitely going to read on immediately. Good job!!! :)
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 13, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
Thanks you!
 
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Aslienctvoice said...
May 12, 2011 at 3:03 pm:
ok. W. O. W!!!!! I only have read the prolong and I love it!!! That was amazing!! i cant wait to read more!!!
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm :
Thanks! I was thinking of also making the prologue a short story but I'm not sure
 
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DaylightDarkness said...
May 10, 2011 at 7:29 pm:
This is awesome! I just finished chapter three but youve drawn me in. You got the perfect blend a realistic beleivability, fear, suspense, and skin crawling anticipation here! I'll admit it, this may be the first mystery book i like!
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 11, 2011 at 6:16 pm :
Thanks I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far!
 
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alex198 said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 6:03 pm:
This was a really great novel! My favourite part was actually the prologue. You built up such a great atmosphere and tension. It was really creepy and disturbing and at parts hard to read, but in a good way :) I also loved your characters. They were really distinctive characters and I liked the changing points of view because of this. I always knew when the point of view had changed even if I didn't read the name at the top. I loved it! :)
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
I'm glad you liked it even though it parts it was hard to read :b Thanks!
 
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AEAluvsanimals said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 11:42 pm:

Great novel! There are a few things i think you could improve, like going into how lonely Sam is now that his sister- the only person he really cared about is gone. Also, some of the dialouge seems a bit forced, like when Luke says I can't deal with the emotional pain. People don't reallt talk like that. He might say, " It hurts." or "You think I would kill someone else? You think I could? Look what the first murder did to me!"

But nobody ever says they have emotional pain. A... (more »)

 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 5:42 am :
Thank you! I got one comment about how they found the way my characters talk to be a little weird. Now that you pointed that out, I think it will be an easy fix.
 
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navishjaved said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm:

This book is excellent! I knew that this would have a twist to it. :D I love books that have twists to them. It was hard for me to guess who the murderer was . . . I ended up being wrong! I was 101% sure that Luke was the murder.

You do a really great job of organizing your paragraphs, chapters, sentences, words. :) My heart was pounded as I read. It was so sad in the beginning when she killed her brother. I felt so many emotions during this book.

I even asked my little s... (more »)

 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 5:41 am :
I'm glad you liked it! I noticed my chapters were short, especially in comparison to the prologue, so I'll definitely get around to fixing that
 
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Medina D. said...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 10:53 pm:
This story reminds me very much of another story........the lovely bones. Sorry it took me such a while to read it. I'll admit, i got emotional while reading it. You did a great job. If there were any grammar mistakes, i probably missed them because i was so caught up in the story. i knew Hope was the murderer, but i loved how the prologue really connected with the last part of the story; the begining must've been the most interesting chapter. But if these are all going to be chapters in a book,... (more »)
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 5:46 am :
I actually got the idea for the story right after reading  the book, it's one of my favorites. I'll probably get around to editing the chapters and making them longer-i noticed they were much shorter compared to the prologue. Thanks!
 
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Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 10:53 am:
The prologue was definitely a great grabber point, but I felt the subsequent chapters were far too short in comparison. Perhaps cutting down on the number of chapters in order to have longer chapters?
 
.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:35 am :
Good idea. I had noticed that my prologue was really long, but I was not sure how to make the other chapters longer as well. Thanks for the idea
 
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