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Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 14 Next »

Prologue

“Your mother was on the floor. The cops said she was cold. Her heart was not beating. Blood is pouring out of her extremely fast. Both of your parents were on the road lying by their car. Your father was on the left side and your mother on the right side, both dead. The cops rushed them to the hospital figuring they had to be in a car crash. They couldn’t be saved. Time had run out. You kids had no choice but to be put into a foster home. Monica was three. Joshua was only one. And little Zada, only four months old. No one knew what had happened, until the cops told Monica the next day at the foster home. But I guess instead they told you that your parents died in a car crash.”
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 14 Next »


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Freckles3 said...
Sept. 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Okay, that was frightening. Yikes yikes yikes. Really good suspense at the end! You could add more action in the rest of the story... But the end was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was on the edge of my seat! This was really good!
 
OreoLover said...
May 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Focus on finding a more natural word choice: i've honestly never seen an eight year old weep, they cry(weep sounds like something an older person would do), conjunctions(it sounds forced and scripted when you don't use them) I agree with purple_ashes that you should keep the prolouge to the POV of one of the kids. Love it!
 
purple_ashes said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 5:57 pm
There is a lot of potential in this story and I was really drawn in by the prolouge of the story. HOwever, after readin father my interest got lost. Your writing is really outstanding but I think this story needs some editing. Maybe tell it from the point of veiw from one child. Even in the first chapter... it seems like somethings missing in your writing... I'm not sure,,
 
ShannonVictoria replied...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 3:50 am
Yea, i think you're right. I should probably look over it a couple times and really fix some things. But i think i will keep this one up for a while to see if anyone else has any other things i should probably fix. :) Thanks for your help! :)
 

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