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Pass It On

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Two Weeks Later-Brandon

It’s been a week since my sister was murdered. I’m sitting in her room, sobbing my eyes out, when I catch sight of the DVD she made me promise not to watch.
Underneath it is a journal. I pick up the journal. Scribbled all over the front are the words “Do not watch,” “Pass it on,” and “Rachel NeeSmith.”
I open up the journal. All of the pages are covered in the words “Pass it on” written over and over again hundreds of times.
What is this?
I take the journal back to my room and tuck it under my mattress. I’ll study it later.

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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 21 at 12:33 am
Hello! I saw your forum and figured I ought to take a look. You have a great story built into this; there's tension, suspense, and enough eerie action to make it a good thriller. That said, I don't think I every felt scared or even mildly disturbed while reading this, and the reason for that was likely a lack of detail. Like SpeakerofWolves had said, I think you can bring this story to life by adding more details. First off, the scene in the attic. Why are they there? Are they cleaning? They sa... (more »)
 
SpeakerofWolvesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 18 at 9:48 pm
@bo_olsen Hello bo_olsen! I had read your forum and I am more than happy to help you with your story. First of all, I like the idea that you are trying to make. Second, the plot line is ok which I highly recommend that you add some more events or places. Third, when the movie started, I would like to suggest to be descriptive as you can, or to simply say that at the beginning of the movie he immediately passed out by fear, whatever you choose. Fourth, when the ghost comes into the scenes, I woul... (more »)
 

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