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If Love Were a Fairytale (Revised)

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First

The bright world, purple and red and green, circled around like a whirlwind as they twirled, hand in hand. Her pale blue skin stood in soft contrast with the colorful world around them. He deftly pulled her back up and she spun away from him until she was as far away as their extended arms would allow. She looked into his eyes, the same shade of blue as hers and just as happy. He was taller than she, so when she spun back in to him it felt natural. Around them the world sang, and the trees as green
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as the brightest of emeralds, swayed in natural musical rhythm with them. She released his hand and grabbed one of the long red vines that hung almost to the ground from the trees. Her confident gaze never left his as she pushed off and floated temptingly around him, still grasping his hand softly.

They were the first that morning, but, as the sun rose, more began to arrive. Dozens of couples danced around them in the radiant forest. All of them had the same beautiful, smooth, blue skin and tall, slender bodies. Each had the same fragile noses and large curious eyes. Most noticeably, however, was the brilliant bright blue diamond that each of them had subtly embedded into their forehead. Occasionally, as they danced, it would catch the sunlight, sending brilliant beams of blue every which way.

They did this all day- whirling and swirling to the pulse of the world- never growing tired or disinterested. He lightly grabbed her waist and spun her around. The world blurred into a collage of green and blue and red. She trusted him, and he never dropped her.
Then it was over. The sun sank and with a regretful sigh he spun her one last time and suddenly they were again arm’s length from each other. The side of her mouth raised into a coy half smile and a mischievous gleam came into her eyes. The sun was quickly waning, and the groups were beginning to head north as they always did. She took a step forward in the direction of the others and then looked back. He had not moved. Confusion. She ran back and grabbed his hand, tugging at it gently, but he still did not budge. She did not understand, and neither did he. Uncertainly, she took another step away and then another, looking back to see if he would follow. He stood stubbornly still. Then, she realized he was not coming. Regret crossed her face, but she could not stay. With a casual turn of her shoulder she turned away from him as if she were going to walk away, but then- almost as an afterthought- she spun back around and bounded back to him, planting a lingering kiss on his cheek. She looked up into his quiet eyes for any trace of emotion suggesting that he may have changed his mind. Than she was gone: just like the others.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »


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This book has 22 comments. Post your own!

love_writingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 3, 2013 at 4:39 pm:
This is really amazing.  I got that feeling of losing yourself into a book which was pretty cool.
 
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Atl.Braves03 said...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm:
Who said it's been copied?
 
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WhenItRains21 said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm:
You've got a wonderful writing style. Every word paints a picture. It's beautiful. The story itself is nice, too, I'd love to read more of it! I also love the way that there are no names until the very end, and no dialogue. It really adds to this sort of magical tone.
 
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c.foster said...
Jul. 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm:
Good job brother i really enjoyed reading your work(:
 
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FluteFreak said...
May 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm:
Your imagery is exquisite and word choice is excellent. Nice work
 
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sithsadist said...
May 6, 2012 at 2:03 am:

I love the imagery and the beginning leaves me very curious as to where this going! You clearly have a firm grasp in your mind of what you want the reader to see, and it comes across perfectly, so kudos for that.

All in all, nice read, please continue :)

 
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Atl.Braves03 said...
May 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm:
Thank you!
 
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ShadowRealms said...
May 3, 2012 at 11:23 am:
Amazing use of imagery and a great concept! I'm looking forward to more:) 
 
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Ballerinagirl1016 said...
May 2, 2012 at 7:07 am:
GREAT WORK
 
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NatalieAnn said...
May 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm:
the imagery that you use is absolutley amazing! :D
 
Atl.Braves03 replied...
May 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm :
Thanks, I really appreciate the positive comment
 
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Katsa08 said...
May 1, 2012 at 11:03 am:
This is a very nice beginning. I love the imagery that you used. One quick thought: Some of the sentences seem to have trouble flowing together. Maybe you should combine some of them with a comma or conjunction? It helps move the story along.
 
Atl.Braves03 replied...
May 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm :
I came to the exact same conclusion when I was reading through it again. Thanks for the advise!
 
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KestrelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:29 pm:
WHAT?! is it only one page? man, that's disappointing. i wanted to read more. you should develop this into a book series, with different books for each couple's story. you could call the series "Those That Dance" or something. :-) very cute; great job.
 
Atl.Braves03 replied...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:15 pm :
I'm actually working on a full length novel for my other work When You Say Nothing At All. I might work on it after though. Thanks for the comment! :)
 
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curlygurlray said...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm:
awesome way to gfet to the point(:
 
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JessicaMaria said...
Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:54 pm:
Lovely. <3
 
Atl.Braves03 replied...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm :
Thank you! :)
 
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Bobby Smith said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:03 am:
That's pretty intense man. Good stuff
 
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Atl.Braves03 said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:57 am:
Thanks! :)
 
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