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Empathy

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Jason B.
Empathy
Summary: Julian, sick of his parent's fights, dashes out into the rainy night; still wearing his pajamas.

After being spotted by nineteen year old Nathan Fizz, Julian must decide betweeen going back to his broken family or to truly escape.

His decision will set in motion a series of events that will forever change the lives of Hollowwood's inhabitants.





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Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 22, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Okay, so you've got a lot of characters introduced in the prologue and first chapter alone, but you haven't told the reader enough about them to draw them in. You've got Ike, Mr. Shogi, Julian, and Shaun, but other than physical appearances nothing sets them apart yet. I realize that there is still plenty of room to develop the characters and flesh them out, but it might drag the story down if you have to take time away from the action to go back and characterize them. Oh, and a lot of your di... (more »)
 
Kvothe28 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I loved this. The story is detailed and very original. I forgot I was reading after awhile. I hope you post more soon.
 
JasonBircea replied...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I truly appreciate your comment. I was starting to think no one would bother to comment on it and give me constructive criticism. So kudos! If there is anything you'd like me to review, feel free to ask.
 
Kvothe28 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Would you please read the first chapter of my novel So That Others May Live? Thank you
 

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