Teen Ink

Okay, so you've got a lot of characters introduced in the prologue and first chapter alone, but you haven't told the reader enough about them to draw them in. You've got Ike, Mr. Shogi, Julian, and Shaun, but other than physical appearances nothing sets them apart yet. I realize that there is still plenty of room to develop the characters and flesh them out, but it might drag the story down if you have to take time away from the action to go back and characterize them. Oh, and a lot of your di... (more »)

I loved this. The story is detailed and very original. I forgot I was reading after awhile. I hope you post more soon.