Adaptation | Teen Ink

Adaptation

January 4, 2012
By half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
More by this author
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Author's note: Johanson's struggle to do right is something we all have to go through. He must come to terms with the fact that Adaptation is actually wrong. Do we realize our mistakes before it's too late?

“Sir, we have a problem.”

“What now?” The Captain cast a frustrated glare at the young man who addressed him. He could only make out his silhouette in the darkness of the room.

“It’s the new girl we brought in. She won’t Adapt, Sir.”

The Captain frowned. “How can that be?” he growled.

The young man, named Johanson, took a brave step forward. He had stepped into a light source which highlighted his blue uniform. “I’m not sure, Sir. It’s never happened before. What should we do?”

The Captain leaned back so heavily in his chair that Johanson was surprised it didn’t snap. The Captain sighed. Not sorrowfully, only with exasperation. “There’s only one thing to do.” He met Johanson’s eyes. “Kill her.”

A small girl with a wiry frame snuggled tighter into her corner. Her name was Keela, and she knew what was going to happen to her. What other choice would they have?

Her large brown eyes searched the room. She had been in that room for nearly a week. She had stared at the same four grey walls with the one black door. She had already been over every inch of the room, but she still found herself searching. Keela wasn’t sure what she was searching for, but she felt it was vitally important that she did.

The door beeped, signaling that someone had unlocked it, and it was swung open. Johanson, wearing dark blue, strode in. Two guards wearing green followed him. He didn’t like that. He despised the guns they carried. He couldn’t understand why people said guns made them feel safe, he despised the fatal weapons.

Keela looked up. Her heavily-lashed eyes flickered with a calm realization of what was happening.

Johanson swallowed. She looked so vulnerable and innocent. He hated the thought of killing her, but that was just the way things were.

“I’m here to escort you to the Chamber.” Johanson was pleased to hear that his voice was void of all the emotions he was really feeling.

The girl just nodded and, with some difficulty, stood up. She was weak and hungry, but there was still no fighting. No tears. No struggle whatsoever. She just walked up to the door and positioned herself between the guards.

The guards raised their eyebrows at Johanson. He nodded and followed behind them as they made their way to the Chamber.

Johanson had been in charge of the Adaptation of this girl, and couldn’t help feeling guilty that he had failed. Her death would be his fault.

As they got closer and closer to the Chamber, he began to realize that he wasn’t sure if he could live with that. Just before they reached the door to the Chamber, Johanson stopped the guards. “Hold up,” he ordered them.

They spun around, their guns swinging loosely about. Johanson took a small step back. The girl turned around too, a questioning look in her eyes. He wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Take her back to her cell.”

“But the Captain ordered her to be taken to the Chamber,” one of the guards reminded him.

“I know,” Johanson bit back, feeling defensive. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing. “I’ll deal with the Captain. Now take her back to her cell.” Johanson brought himself to his full height, but still looked small compared to the brawny guards.

They shrugged. They knew the line of command and they happened to be at the bottom. Besides the Janitors, of course.

One guard jabbed the butt-end of his gun into the back of the girl to get her moving, but Johanson was the one that winced.

“Be careful,” he barked, without thinking.

The guards where becoming more and more baffled by Johanson‘s behaviour. But they still listened.

Keela was even more confused. Why hadn’t she been led into the Chamber? Why had he saved her? What was he saving her for? Another day in the cell without food before she was finally put to death?

Johanson watched as the guards led the girl down the hallway. What had he done? He glanced at the door leading into the Chamber. The girl’s executioner was waiting in there. He sighed. He knew he now had to go and face the Captain.

“What?!” The Captain stood up, rage twisting his facial features. Johanson stared at the wall for a moment, trying to gather the courage to defend his reason for letting the girl live. The truth was, he had no reason. No reason the Captain would understand.

“What were you thinking?!” The Captain made a few menacing steps towards Johanson and he quickly backed up. The Captain kept advancing and Johanson couldn’t help sarcastically thinking that the Captain had all the charm of an angry bear.

Johanson was blocked by a wall and the Captain grabbed him by his blue collar. He was really in for it now.

“Sir, listen. I just don’t think we should give up on her that easily.”

“I’ve given you a week,” the Captain gave Johanson a shake, “How much more time do you need?!”

Johanson hated rhetorical questions and was only able to blubber a bit.

The Captain pulled Johanson away from the wall and shoved him into the floor. By now, a couple of guards were watching the exchange. Ready to step in if they had to.

Johanson was in pain from hitting the hard ground but still managed to stand up. The Captain returned to his chair while Johanson stumbled around a bit, trying to find the breath that was knocked out of him when he hit the ground.

Johanson could tell that the guards where really enjoying this, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He was finally able to stand in front of the Captain without too much trouble, while the Captain glared at him.

It was very quiet for a while and he could hear the beeps and hums of various instruments and control consoles in the room.

“That girl must have gotten to you,” the Captain said after a while. “You’ve gotten soft. I’d hate to replace you.”

“Sir, give me another chance with her. Adaptation has never been known to fail before. I’m sure with some more time, the girl could be a great addition to our society.” Johanson was grasping for straws at this point, but it was all he could really do. Best case scenario, he could keep his job and be allowed to help the girl to Adapt. Worst case scenario… Well, he preferred to be optimistic.

The Captain, who seemed to have gotten most of the anger out of his system, was now seriously thinking over what Johanson said.

“I’ll give you another week. If she’s not Adapted by then, you’ll loose your job. And the girl dies.”

In all honesty, Johanson hated doing Adaptations. It was a difficult process that caused him a lot of stress. Fortunately for him, most people were not very strong-willed and were Adapted within a few days. This girl had lasted a week, which made him think that she really was something special.

Everyone thought Johanson was lucky that he had such a high-power and well-paying position. When other people thought him lucky, he was obliged to feel the same way. Though he wasn’t all that sure anymore.

Johanson decided to start work immediately. There was no time to waste. He made his way down the closed winding corridors. No windows, only smooth white walls and doors. The white doors of personal quarters soon changed to the black doors of holding cells. The occasional grey door indicating a Restricted Area dotted in between.

534. He swiped his access card in the slot by the black door. It beeped and the light changed from red to green. He pushed the door open and walked in.

Keela was surprised to see Johanson without guards by his sides.

Johanson had decided to take his own approach.

He wandered into the room, closing the door behind him. The girl sat up against one wall, her arms wrapped around her legs. Johanson couldn’t help but pity the girl. She must be very hungry.

He did something which surprised Keela greatly, he sat directly across from her. Mimicking her position, he sat with his royal blue uniform on the dirty floor and up against the wall.

There was a long silence. Johanson was getting used to how quiet the girl was. She hadn’t said much of anything since they captured her.

“Good morning.” Johanson attempted cheeriness, but saw no change in the girl’s pale face.

Keela was actually glad to know that it was even morning. She had lost track of time while in her dark cell, cut off from the world. Or what was left of it anyway.

“You must be hungry,” he tried again. Water was provided but he knew hunger would be a problem for her.

More silence. Johanson studied the girl’s dark brown hair. It was held up by a messy ponytail. Some strands had escaped and fallen onto her face. He was tempted to fix it for her. He wasn’t used to seeing such disorder. Everyone who was Adapted always kept their hair and clothes tidy.

Keela wondered why he was even here. Why he would sit on the floor instead of walking around like he owned the place, which he kind of did. She was also curious why he had saved her. It was becoming harder for her not to ask. What could it hurt?

“Maybe you might like some food.” Johanson was beginning to doubt whether or not he should have put his career on the line to do this. He wasn’t so confident in it working anymore.

“Why?” Keela choked out. “Why did you save me?”

Johanson felt his hope return. She was talking!

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Why did you save me?” Keela repeated more firmly.

Johanson sat awkwardly for a moment. “I think you have potential. Adaptation does not fail. You only needed more time.”

Keela gave a short laugh. “You just didn’t want to live with my death on your conscience. You wanted to make sure you would be able to sleep at night. To be able to look yourself in the mirror without hating what you see.”

Johanson couldn’t deny all that, but there was something more. “You don’t know me. There could be other reasons.”

“None were for me, though. Nobody like you does this out of the goodness of their heart.” Keela was beginning to feel dizzy. All this talking combined with the lack of food made her feel light-headed. Her vision swam before her eyes, and before she knew it, she blacked out.

Keela opened her eyes to see Johanson crouched over her. She was laying flat on her back, still in her cell. Johanson was holding out a glass of water and Keela could smell food nearby.

She sat up, still feeling woozy from hunger.

She took a sip of water before Johanson handed her the sandwich. It had cost him a few days pay to be allowed to even bring her food.

Keela gobbled it down hungrily, barely stopping to breathe. That would be trading one essential thing for another.

When the sandwich was gone, Keela felt much better.

“Now will you tell me your name?”

Keela remained quiet for a while. She wasn’t sure if she could trust him. After all, he wanted to brain wash her and turn her into a puppet like him and the others. “Keela,” she said finally. He had given her food after all, and he could do no more harm to her now that he knew her name.

Keela was surprised when he smiled at her. “That’s a beautiful name, he whispered softly. She nodded wordlessly. She was feeling dizzy again.

Keela couldn’t understand what was happening. All week, he had brought her to the Chamber. Not for an execution, but to be brain washed. He had been in charge the whole time that they had strapped her to a chair, jolting electricity through her, forcing her to listen to the same chant played over and over. You are different. Different is bad. You must Adapt.

Now here he was, a smile on his face, complimenting her name. It was all a trick. But a small part of her had to wonder about that. If it was a trick, why did he save her from her execution just before it happened?

Johanson stood up and moved stiffly a few steps away. He was still sore from being shoved into the ground. He noticed Keela watching him. Her brown eyes full of confusion. He was confused himself. Why had he done all this for her. Was she right? Did he only want to be free of guilt?

“You’re hurt?”

It was a question, one Johanson didn’t really know how to answer. Maybe explaining to her what he had sacrificed would convince her of… Convince her of what? That he was actually a good person?

“The Captain got mad,” Johanson heard himself explaining. “When I stopped your execution, I went to ask him for more time. He threw me into the concrete floor.”

“Did you want me to feel sorry for you?”

Johanson realized that once you got this girl talking, there wasn’t much that could stop her.

Keela stood up, she didn’t like feeling vulnerable, and now that she had the energy, she preferred to stand. She noticed that Johanson wasn’t just thin, he was also quite tall. She glanced at his blonde hair. Cut short in the same style as every other Adapted man. His dark blue uniform brought out the blue of his eyes. Even though his eyes were pretty, she didn’t like them. She didn’t like how they always searched hers. Looking for answers. Keela turned away.

“I’m sorry.”

Keela was surprised.

Johanson was surprised. He didn’t know why he had said it, but he knew he meant it.

He took a few hurried steps away from Keela. “I most likely won’t bring you into the Chamber until tomorrow morning.” His voice was cold again. “I’ll see you then.”

Keela watched as he left. Limping a bit as he walked. The black door closed behind him and she was alone once again.

According to Keela’s internal clock, it was now morning. She waited for Johanson and the guards to come for her. Soon the door opened but it was only Johanson who walked in. He sat across from her like the night before. Keela couldn’t read his expression as he sat there.

“Am I not going to the Chamber?” Keela’s whisper was loud in the silence and Johanson flinched as though a gun had gone off near him.

He finally managed to smile, struggling with his own confusion and doubts. “What we tried with you before didn’t work, so I thought maybe I could talk you into Adapting.”

Keela laughed like it was the funniest joke in the world. “You can’t be serious!” she exclaimed. “Do you really think that you’re more persuasive than electricity?” She was beginning to think this guy was downright insane.

Johanson met Keela’s eyes. “I guess we’ll see.”

Keela’s smile dropped. How she hated the smugness in his eyes. Actually, she only wished she hated it. Somehow it didn’t annoy her as much as it did before, and that made her feel sick.

It didn’t take long before Johanson began chatting about everything he knew. Keela thought he was only filling the silence but wasn’t sure what he was ultimately trying to achieve.

He began asking her questions, not about the things she would expect an Adapted person would ask, but instead things about her childhood or how she was doing.

Keela didn’t say much and answered all his questions bluntly, but he kept going.

At one point he left and came back bringing an apple and some crackers. Keela ate them hungrily and Johanson explained not to tell anyone because he had snuck them in.

After getting something to eat, Keela became more open and joined in a bit more. When Johanson finally left, Keela had to again wonder what was going on. Maybe she could agree to Adapt and once they had her trust she could escape. Maybe she should just accept her death. They wouldn’t keep her alive forever.

Johanson returned the next day, sneaking more food in. They began talking more before he left again.

By the next day, Keela was looking forward to his visit. It had been a long time since she’d had a friendly conversation with someone. Probably not since her mom died. Besides, she had made an important decision that she wanted to tell Johanson about.

The door beeped and Keela got up to meet Johanson. Instead of him, two guards stepped in, their guns in hand. They grabbed her and dragged her out, ignoring her shouts of protest. “Where are you taking me?”

The guards remained quiet and kept dragging her down the endless hallways. They weren’t going to the Chamber, that much Keela could tell. She had no idea where they were taking her, the corridors were very confusing. They were probably designed that way. It prevented anyone from ever escaping.

It took a while before they finally reached their destination. A yellow door. The Captain’s door. Keela knew it must be.

The guards swiped a card and carried her in. Sure enough, the Captain was sitting there in his infamous chair. Keela had only met the Captain once when she had first been captured, but she had heard a lot about him, especially from Johanson. Keela’s eyes flickered to Johanson who was standing in the shadows near the Captain’s chair. He gave her his small smile that she had gotten used to in the past few days, but she saw the sadness in his blue eyes.

Johanson watched as two guards roughly brought Keela in. He should have known that his approach wouldn’t work. It hadn’t even been a week. Now it was all over.

The Captain stood up and began to slowly shake his head. He walked towards Johanson who stared at the floor. “I gave you more time to Adapt her and you don’t even take her into the Chamber.”

Johanson swallowed nervously, not sure what the Captain would do.

The Captain just walked towards Keela. “It surprises me that a small, weak girl like you could resist Adaptation.”

Keela could see the disgust in the Captain’s eyes, and before she knew it, he had struck her across the face. Hard. She fell backwards and the guards watched as she hit the ground.

Johanson was by her side before she even knew what happened. She groaned and tried sitting up. He brushed the hair out of her face, feeling the full force of guilt. He had brought this upon the both of them.

A signal from the Captain told the guards to get Keela onto her feet. They shoved Johanson out of the way and held up Keela between them.

Johanson could tell she was in a lot of pain and watched as the Captain came up to her again. He reached out to touch her face but she jerked her head as far away as she could get it. The Captain angrily grabbed her chin and made her look at him. “A pathetic traitor, that’s all you are.”

Johanson took a step forward. “Get your hands off of her.”

The Captain shoved her face away and turned to glare at him. Johanson saw the Captain take a swing at him and was able to duck just in time. But before he could recover, the Captain let out a kick and caught Johanson in the jaw. He fell back and tried getting up, but the Captain shoved him down with his foot on Johanson’s chest. He held him down while Johanson struggled.

“Admit it. You failed. And I’m beginning to question whether or not she’s infected your mind.” The Captain pressed his foot down harder on Johanson’s chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He gasped for breath.

“Please don’t,” begged Keela, “you’re hurting him.”

The Captain released him and turned to the guards. “Take the girl back to her cell and escort Johanson to his quarters. I want someone posted at each of their doors. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir!” The guards were glad to finally have some action and happily dragged off Keela and Johanson. A guard jabbed Keela in the back with his gun once again, but this time, Johanson didn’t stop him.

Back in his quarters, Johanson examined the cut along his jaw and the bruising on both his face and chest.

He took a long soak in his bath tub before spreading medicine over his wounds. He attempted to eat, but it hurt his jaw too much so he gave up.

He laid on his bed for a while and thought about what punishment he would have. He had probably already lost his job, and would be lucky if he was ever even given the position of Janitor.

He also reflected on the possibility that he would be executed. After all, he had become friends with the enemy. He had even snuck her food. Anyone who was Un-adapted was considered a traitor. An outlaw. Keela had been living out it the woods, or what was left of them, when she had been arrested.

Johanson thought about Keela. She had told him about the exciting adventures she used to have with her mother. She had lived a wild life. She was very different. Not only was her hair and clothing strange compared to that of Adapted girls. But most importantly, she acted different.

Johanson had grown up in an Adapted home. He had been raised to be like everyone else. He had never gone through the Adaptation process that he put others through as an occupation.

He was so sure that Keela could have been happy as an Adapted girl, but now he was beginning to realize that she wouldn’t. After talking to her, he saw that her differences is what made him attracted to her in the first place. Unlike him and all the other Adapted, she was unique. Was it anyone’s right to take that away?

Keela was shoved unceremoniously into her cell and the door was slammed behind her. She managed to crawl into her corner before she lost all her strength.

Her whole head throbbed with pain. Her cheek stung. Her heart ached.

She had been so hopeful. She had been ready to tell Johanson that she wanted to Adapt. She would have taken their Oath, dressed like them, changed her hair. She had been ready to become one of them. For Johanson’s sake.

He had told her about his deadline. She knew it was close, but not today. They must have discovered his strange approach and thought it was a traitorous act. Now they would probably both die.

For the first time since her mom had died, Keela began to cry. Not only from the pain of her face, but the realization that she was going to die, and now she didn’t want to.

She had been ready for Adaptation. But now that she knew Johanson wouldn’t be waiting for her on the other side, she would rather die.

The Captain waited in the Chamber, his face creased with a frown. He was very irritated, both at the girl and Johanson, along with himself. He should have kept better control of the situation, but so much had been going on lately. He had been wrong to trust Johanson. He just wasn’t cut out for this kind of work. The Captain had sensed it. Johanson had always been weak. The girl had only been the force that caused the inevitable collapse.

The Captain thought about the importance of Adaptation. Without the complete cooperation of every soul on the planet, the world could be reduced to chaos. That was how the Old World had been destroyed. Being different was dangerous. Now those who decided to live as an outlaw had to be forced to Adapt.

The guards stepped into the Chamber, dragging Johanson and Keela along with them. They began strapping them to the two chairs that faced each other. Johanson had a bad feeling about this. He had always overseen people in these chairs, but had never been in one himself.

Keela was becoming used to the feeling of the chair and only hoped it wasn’t the last thing she felt.

The guards moved away from the prisoners and went to stand out of the way. Johanson and Keela looked at each other for a moment, and they could see the fear and defiance in each other’s eyes.

The Captain walked over to the control panel that was set off to the side of the chairs. He knew how they worked, for he had once done Adaptations. He kind of missed those days and was excited to finally be back where he belonged.

“You know, I’d like to say I’m sorry for doing what I’m about to, but I’m not.” The Captain’s voice was emotionless. “After all, only the molded can survive.”

“You’re not going to kill us, are you?” Johanson asked.

“I’m not killing anybody,” the Captain said smugly. He looked directly at Johanson. “You are.”

Johanson’s breath left him and horror replaced it. Keela felt a stab of fear, sharp as a knife. The Captain grinned at their reactions.

When Johanson was finally able to speak he said, “You’ve got the wrong idea if you think I’m going to kill her.”

The Captain stood over Johanson. “I know that you’ve become Un-adapted and won’t do what’s right for the survival of the human race on Earth, so I think I’m going to have to fix that.” His eyes twinkled. “I’m going to Adapt you. Then you’ll be happy to get rid of the traitor for me.” He glared at Keela. She glared back.

“Then, when she’s dead. You, Johanson, will be executed. Alright, let’s begin.” The Captain walked to the controls, eager to make right what had gone wrong.

Keela looked at Johanson, her eyes full of sympathy and terror. She was no longer angry that he had put her through Adaptation. She knew he somehow managed to be different from all the other Adapted people. “Stay strong,” she told him. “Don’t give in.”

The Captain pressed some controls to power up Johanson’s chair. Johanson broke out into a sweat, afraid of what would happen. He knew the process, he just wasn’t sure if he would be able to withstand it.

The Captain rotated Johanson’s chair ninety degrees so he could see the screen on the blank wall. The Captain brought up the display of the Adaptation Oath. “Read it,” he ordered Johanson.

Johanson knew what was happening. Anyone who refused to Adapt would never be able to read all the way through the Oath. The Adaptation was over when the Un-adapted person read the Oath and the monitors confirmed that they meant it.

“Read it!” the Captain shouted. Johanson remained stubbornly silent.

“I knew it,” spit the Captain. “You have become Un-adapted.” He angrily flicked a switch on the console and a jolt of electricity flowed from the chair into Johanson’s body.

Keela screamed almost as loudly as Johanson while he was electrocuted.

“Stop!” she cried. “Please, just stop!”

The Captain stopped and only the sound of Johanson’s panting and Keela’s sobbing filled the room.

“Come on, you brought this upon yourselves. Just Adapt and it will be over.” He reached out to flick the switch for Johanson’s chair again.

“Don’t!” Keela yelled before Johanson could be electrocuted once again.

The Captain frowned, and flicked Keela’s switch instead. She screamed and twisted, trying hopelessly to free herself from the pain.

Johanson added his own shouts to the din. He was terrified. Not of the pain he would feel from the torturing electricity, but of what he would be commanded to do if he was Adapted. He couldn’t kill Keela. He would die before that happened. He remembered his days as an innocent Janitor. He wished for that again…

The Captain shut off the flow of electricity to Keela’s chair.

“Now are you ready to Adapt?” he asked Johanson.

“Yes, but I have even a better idea.”

The author's comments:
What did you think of the ending? Please comment and rate my book. Thanks for reading.

Johanson guided the Floor-cleaner machine down the hall. Janitor work was drudgingly boring, but somebody had to do it. His co-worker Alberk, who was in the same tan work uniform as Johanson, was busy cleaning the white walls.

Johanson sighed. He had been a Janitor for as long as he could remember and wished he could do something more important. Maybe he would one day be in charge of doing Adaptations.

Johanson was suddenly distracted by two girls walking down the hall. Both were Adapted. He could tell from the uniforms and the straight hair cut to the shoulders with bangs covering the forehead.

One girl was tall and strict looking. Her platinum blonde hair added
to the paleness of her skin. The other girl, though, was who really got Johanson’s attention. She had dark brown hair and dark eyes. She was young and tanned. She looked different from any other girl he’d ever seen, yet she looked… familiar.

The girl walked down the hall towards where Johanson was working with the Floor-cleaner. She met his blue eyes that were staring at her, causing her to pause. She had to report to the Captain about the start of her new job at this facility, but suddenly she couldn’t seem to move. She gazed at the eyes of the young Janitor. Did she know him?

“Hey, we can’t be late, let’s go,” urged the blonde woman who was escorting her to the control room. The girl looked away from the Janitor, feeling silly. If she knew who the Janitor was, she would have remembered him.

The blonde woman continued talking as they headed down the hallway. She spoke to the younger brown-haired girl reassuringly. “You’ll love it here, Keela.”



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 7 comments.


half.note said...
on Jul. 10 2013 at 10:17 pm
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Haha, both I guess... :P

Dynamo DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 9 2013 at 10:45 am
Dynamo DIAMOND, Lahore, Other
54 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
I used to think falling in love would be personal. But it's all a big public show.

So should I be a teasing blot or a strict critic? :P

half.note said...
on Jan. 12 2012 at 12:29 am
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Thanks, I really appreciate that. And I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

on Jan. 11 2012 at 5:21 pm
UglyMushroom GOLD, Columbus, Ohio
11 articles 65 photos 202 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a monday. I got nothin' goin' on..." ~O. Rogers

I dont have enough time to read it all yet, but I sure will! This is a very intriguing start to the story. Cant wait to read more!

on Jan. 8 2012 at 8:49 pm
IsabelleRamsay SILVER, Oakville, Other
7 articles 2 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats the point of living, when you are just going to die anyway?- me.

np, than you for posting it :3

half.note said...
on Jan. 8 2012 at 5:51 pm
half.note, Edmonton, Alberta
0 articles 0 photos 102 comments
Hey there, I really appreciate the praise as well as the criticisms. To tell you the truth, when I first started writing this I had planned on it being a short story and had no idea where it would end up. When things started to get out of hand, I realized it would be better off as a novel. I totally agree that it would be nicer to show more of a background to the characters, but by the time I decided to turn it into a novel, I already had the characters developing and had started kind of in the middle. I'm glad you liked it anyway and I'm thankful for the advice.

on Jan. 8 2012 at 1:22 pm
IsabelleRamsay SILVER, Oakville, Other
7 articles 2 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats the point of living, when you are just going to die anyway?- me.

This is a really well written story. it has a good plot and such, and you have really good grammar. But (yes, the horrible 'but') i think you should stretch it out more, maybe letting the readers see some of Keela and Johanson's past, maybe even The Captian? i think you should also let them see thosse days in Keela's cell, let Johanson and Keela's relationship stretch out more, become stronger. Hope those suggestions help! You should keep writing stories, you're really good at it!!!!! Byeee!!!