Wandering Soul

April 21, 2011
By Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."


Summary:

The world as we know it came to an end in June, year 1290 when the nuclear war broke out. People claimed that the Cold War had come to an end in the late 1900s when Mikhail Gorbachev came into power and the U.S.S.R. fell drastically from its high position. It turns out people were wrong.
For years instead, it had been brewing malignantly beneath the roofs of the two sides’ heads. It was on the whim of two said to be extraordinary men under normal circumstances that it happened. Yet it was not under normal circumstances when the first bomb was released so suddenly, upsetting before killing the most optimistic of a people there ever was in a hundred years. But after so many great years, it was only fair that the world took such a rough turn.
Nobody, however, accounted for the world’s end on their agendas. Nobody was prepared. I, barely settling in my first year at college, certainly was not prepared.


Theresa E.

Wandering Soul


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This book has 127 comments.


on Jun. 17 2011 at 3:26 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I understand what you mean about the dialogue. I'll read over it again, maybe make some changes as the story progresses. I'm so glad you liked it though! I was hoping to get a reaction like that. Thank you! :)

on Jun. 17 2011 at 1:44 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

for something written on the spot, this is not bad at all. In the first chapter or two, i would just suggest about the dialogue----i didnt think it sounded like people in college (like Natalya squealing, for example) but then i thought: well its their FIRST year in college so i guess their dialogue is alright. This story just completely sucked me into another world. I can practically FEEL Rose's loneliness as i read it. Also dont worry about your last chapter being so short---the first 3 were a bit long for me but well done nonetheless.

on Jun. 12 2011 at 1:37 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Thank you! That means so much. I’ll be writing more soon :)

on Jun. 10 2011 at 6:09 pm
PaintingTheRosesRed BRONZE, Newark, New Jersey
2 articles 1 photo 7 comments
Omg this is so good! Please keep writing this story. It's really cool and creative. :)

on Jun. 2 2011 at 8:19 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Oh yeah, I plan to write that soon. I have an idea for how they'll react :)

on Jun. 2 2011 at 2:29 pm
kkayla3897 BRONZE, Ogden, Utah
1 article 0 photos 39 comments
GAH!!!! I like how you paced yourself that chapter.... And now it's time for them to go back. I'd be interested to see what'll happen when they see her body.

on Jun. 2 2011 at 12:58 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Just posted a new chapter! I'd appreciate feedback. Thanks! :)

on May. 25 2011 at 5:53 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Oh my gosh! I didn't even notice. That was a complete typo. I meant to put 927 again. I don't even know why I typed 3. Thanks for catching the mistake! I'll be changing that on my document :)

fairlyquirky said...
on May. 25 2011 at 5:10 pm
Are the numbers 927 or 937? because u changed it....?

on May. 25 2011 at 2:49 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Thanks for the review, I really needed that. And I know I need to fix that first chapter, I just didn't know how to. This will help, so thanks. And it just went so quickly because I really only came up with the story as I went along, and I only had a clue as to what I was writing at the end of the first chapter. Now that I have a better idea, I think the writing will flow much more easily. (And it shouldn't be so confusing) Thanks for the feedback! :)


on May. 25 2011 at 2:47 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Thanks for the comment. Well, the story isn't really about more survivors, but I am going to explain it more. But I appreciate the feedback, and I may just use it when editing the story :) I'll check your novel out when I have time. Soon, hopefully.  

on May. 24 2011 at 10:19 pm
lovelycheese GOLD, Cupertino, California
11 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have something to do, then do it. You can't get wasted time back." ~Ben Carson.

Here I am for a critique: 

I'm writing this along as I go, by the way.

First off, I'm confused about the sentence "… compelling me to turn away from my engrossing text message and instead focus my attention[/] on my soon-to-be-best friend." It's kind of confusing and instead of drawing the readers in, it's slightly confusing. 

As you describe Justin and Natalya, I suggest putting in a small hint or something to connect some idea together. I'm not sure what you're trying to say in those paragraphs; they seem like two different topics. 

I like the whole David thing. Very sweet. 

Good, okay. I can see this all tying back together with Justin. When the anger sparks in the MC, it doesn't sound completely realistic. Not everyone would release their anger in such a flurry. Slow it down, and go over the details more. 

I've only read the first chapter, but I think you have quite a good premise here. Your punctuation is impeccable [love that, haha], and your dialogue is natural and flowing. However. I'm not sure what this chapter is intended to be. For a chapter, it escalates too quickly, and for a prologue, it's too long. I'd also like to suggest making your characters more three-dimensional and believable, maybe by slowing down the whole first chapter. It feels like you jumped into the plot too quickly.

Overall, great job. I'm looking forward to more chapters. (:


on May. 24 2011 at 7:11 pm
Ashley_Tucker, Granger, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~ Albus Dumbledore

I really like it! Though the whole world ending thing seems a bit rushed and unexplained. Also I think it would have been more likely that they would have been running around the town looking for survivors rather than being somehow positive none survived. I like the conversation though. I think it should just be saved for the following day. After Natalya looks around and David has tiime to walk back. Just a thought. Check out my novel Shaya's Story, please(:

on May. 24 2011 at 5:16 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

This means so much to me! Thanks a ton! And I kind of can't wait to finish writing the next chapter. Sorry it's taking so long! Thanks again! :)

on May. 24 2011 at 4:14 pm
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writer's Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike." -- Anonomous
"A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."--Thomas Mann

Wow.  I just love this so much.  I can't wait for the next chapter!!

A huge congratulations, by the way, for taking the number one Sci-Fi/Fantasy Novel position so quickly.  That's not an easy thing to do!  Great job!  You earned it!


on May. 24 2011 at 2:50 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Thanks for the comment. I think those are the only characters I'll be adding to this story, but I can see what you mean by introducing them too fast when reading over this. :)

Deepsi BRONZE said...
on May. 23 2011 at 8:49 pm
Deepsi BRONZE, Fremont, California
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I like your writing style so far. The plot is very fast-paced, though I feel you should avoid introducing too many characters at once. Still, I like this so far, and I can't wait for an update :)

on May. 23 2011 at 8:35 am
kkayla3897 BRONZE, Ogden, Utah
1 article 0 photos 39 comments
Great! This is the best piece of suspense and unexpected events fiction I've read in a long time.

on May. 23 2011 at 8:28 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Well I'm glad of that! I was working towards having something unique. Thanks :)

on May. 23 2011 at 8:21 am
kkayla3897 BRONZE, Ogden, Utah
1 article 0 photos 39 comments
Great! This is one of the most climatic, unexpected pieces of writing I've read in a long time. I would never have thought of something like this happening.




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