White Ribbon

January 15, 2011
By EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath


Summary:

They told us we were adopted, part of their tribal family. But I’m still not sure that we’ve escaped the Officials back home. I know that the tribe won’t let me leave this place, and I know that if I go home the City will kill me there.

My brother watches the dance hugging the leg of the woman who tells him she’s his mother. My sister, at least, remembers we are sisters. She knows I do not love the chief’s son.

Eamon holds my waist with strong hands as we dance, and the chief looks on in approval. I think of Lazaro. I think of my kiss with Lazaro, and I see him in the crowd. I meet his eyes with shame.
The crowd is ready to cheer and clap. My wedding is almost over.


EGram

White Ribbon


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 87 comments.


on Dec. 16 2013 at 1:27 pm
Jessica.Lowle BRONZE, Bremen, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor

There's only two chapters...

on Apr. 1 2012 at 2:42 pm
BlueCannons3030 GOLD, Alleman, Iowa
15 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
-C.S. Lewis

Well... I kept reading a little bit, and they have guns... so scratch that :p

on Apr. 1 2012 at 9:10 am
BlueCannons3030 GOLD, Alleman, Iowa
15 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
-C.S. Lewis

This is a cool story. I'm only halfway through right now, I just finished chapter six. I noticed a few flaws, but not many. One was the pace was slightly too fast for my taste, because, think about it this way: when you go to barnes and noble or borders and buy a nice new book, it will take a while to get into the action, but in here, it's pretty much just the first chapter and then bang comes the action. Likewise between action, such as when Arcana and her siblings escape the police, it takes about two seconds for them to get caught by Mud Judd and his crew. Also, it said she heard a shot, but I don't see that being possible since the tribe didn't have guns, maybe just have her scream. 

But don't get me wrong, the story is excelent and I look forward to reading more, but i have no time right now. I do like your characterization skills especially.

I give this a 4 out of 5 stars, keep up the great work!


on Oct. 18 2011 at 11:36 am
NovaStar BRONZE, Hartsel, Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This is great! You are very talented, well done!

on Jul. 1 2011 at 11:16 am
RhythmAndRhyme BRONZE, Rockford, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva." ~~Josh Groban

I spent days reading this over and over again. The plot haunted me throughout the instances when I was not reading the actual words. This was extremely well written, and I'd love if you continued the story!

I almost feel bad saying that I couldn't actually find anything to remedy with constructive criticism. I feel that way because someone might think that I'm only making them feel good when there's actually something there to fix. In this instance, that is not true! This work was truly amazing. Thank you for the contribution; it's much appreciated.

This book is one of the best I've ever read. And not just out of the ones published to TeenInk, but of ones that have actually been published.

Kudos!


on Jun. 1 2011 at 8:21 am
Midnight_Hum SILVER, Hearne, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments
Wow...
I'm sorry I took so long to comment.  I searched for 'White Ribbon' and I couldn't find it, then Teen Ink re-added the 'My Contributions' thingy and I was able to find it instantly.
Just for the record, I NEVER reply to comments asking me to read their story. But you compared my story to "The Lady or the Tiger" which not only flattered me and made my big head swell, but also impressed me that you had heard of it.
Because that was definitely an inspiration to my story.
Now to yours:
I only read the first chapter, so everything that I say should be based off that...
I loved it.
It was very good. Reminiscent of 'City of Ember' or maybe 'The Giver' or 'Hunger Games' (all books I enjoyed).
I loved the way you opened up!! You wrote very professionally, writing into the story. That is something not many Teen Ink writers do. Instead of describing everything (including your created world) straight off, you let it emerge slowly. You don't force it, and because of that, it feels very real.
You also shied away from too much description, which I liked. Too many authors try to describe everything about the scene. What you should be doing, is describing the feeling, the mood. You don't need a lot of words to do that. And you did it perfectly.
You obviously understand what it is to write, and have an obvious knack for it.
Remember I only read the first chapter...but I was impressed.
I am giving you five stars. Which is something, because I have never given five stars EVER on Teen Ink before. Most of the stories are loads of cr.ap!
The only thing I didn't like was that it wasn't a short story. You can't get the novel published in Teen Ink's monthly magazine, and that troubles me because I know from what I have read that you are capable of doing so.
I am subscribing to you so that if you write any short stories, I can be the first to comment...

on Jun. 1 2011 at 8:20 am
Midnight_Hum SILVER, Hearne, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Wow...

I'm sorry I took so long to comment.  I searched for 'White Ribbon' and I couldn't find it, then Teen Ink re-added the 'My Contributions' thingy and I was able to find it instantly.

Just for the record, I NEVER reply to comments asking me to read their story. But you compared my story to "The Lady or the Tiger" which not only flattered me and made my big head swell, but also impressed me that you had heard of it.

Because that was definately an inspiration to my story.

Now to yours:

I only read the first chapter, so everything that I say should be based off that...

I loved it.

It was very good. Reminiscent of 'City of Ember' or maybe 'The Giver' or 'Hunger Games' (all books I enjoyed).

I loved the way you opened up!! You wrote very professionally, writing into the story. That is something not many Teen Ink writers do. Instead of describing everything (including your created world) straight off, you let it emerge slowly. You don't force it, and because of that, it feels very real.

You also shied away from too much description, which I liked. Too many authors try to describe everything about the scene. What you should be doing, is describing the feeling, the mood. You don't need a lot of words to do that. And you did it perfectly.

You obviously understand what it is to write, and have an obvious knack for it.

Remember I only read the first chapter...but I was impressed.

I am giving you five stars. Which is something, because I have never given five stars EVER on Teen Ink before. Most of the stories are loads of crap!

The only thing I didn't like was that it wasn't a short story. You can't get a novel published in Teen Ink's monthly magazine, and that troubles me because I know from what I have read that you are capable of doing so.


on May. 24 2011 at 5:03 pm
PaintingTheRosesRed BRONZE, Newark, New Jersey
2 articles 1 photo 7 comments
This is sooo great! The world you've made is captivating and keeps me wanting more. Keep writing!

on May. 23 2011 at 9:44 am
becauseHeloves BRONZE, Chesapeake, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Proverbs 8:12, 14 "I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength."

This is GOOD. I'm eagerly awaiting more chapters!

on Apr. 27 2011 at 4:06 pm
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Thank you so much!  Your comment really motivates me to write.  I appreciate it so much.  Thank you :)

on Apr. 27 2011 at 2:56 pm
flyingpinkgiraffes PLATINUM, Chardon, Ohio
24 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When in doubt, kill your main character." ~Me
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."

Oh wow this has to be one of the best BOOKS ive read.  i mean im comparing it to profesional published books, not books on teenink!

on Apr. 24 2011 at 10:39 pm
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Thank you!  I'm glad you like it and that you commented!

 


on Apr. 23 2011 at 8:15 pm
Gabby Jefferson, Indialantic, Florida
0 articles 5 photos 4 comments
Wow, i'm pretty new to teenink, but this is one of the best things I have looked at! I love how suspenseful it is, I can't wait for the next chapters!

on Apr. 17 2011 at 11:12 am
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

haha that's awesome! :) I'm glad you shared that with me!

on Apr. 17 2011 at 9:02 am
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

hey Emily! i know its random, but I'm really serious i had a weird dream last night.............i was seeing titles of published books from teenink writers, and the one i remember (from seeing your novel on the front page of novels) was  "White ribbon" I'm not joking AT ALL. :) Have a good day!! This book is awesome

on Apr. 16 2011 at 7:30 pm
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Thank you so much.  Your feedback really helps to motivate me to keep writing!

on Apr. 16 2011 at 7:29 pm
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

I'm glad you like it so far!  Please keep reading and let me know what you think :)

Violets said...
on Apr. 15 2011 at 12:29 pm
Violets, Emmett, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments

OMG this was totally awesome!!! This shoudl be a book...i would totally buy it!!!!!

 


on Apr. 9 2011 at 6:07 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

Written well and descriptive! I couldn't read the whole thing, but I loved what  did.

on Mar. 30 2011 at 3:04 pm
EmilyGram BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."
Sylvia Plath

Hi Jake!  I would love to help you out with your novel!  That's what this site is for :)  Any specific feedback you can give me about White Ribbon so far would be greatly appreciated as well!


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