Don't know yet | Teen Ink

Don't know yet

September 29, 2014
By sammijoo_xx, Bemidji, Minnesota
More by this author
sammijoo_xx, Bemidji, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you.


Author's note:

 
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   When I open my eyes, I notice I’m not in my room anymore. “Where am I?” I ask myself. I look around the room and notice a table. The table has tools on it. I don’t know what the tools are; it’s a little too dark in here. I look down at myself and notice I am naked. I try moving but my hands and feet are tied to a bed that I don’t remember lying on.
   In the corner of the room, I notice a picture of a beach. There are waves slamming against the shore of the beach. There are palm trees leaning over the sand, leaving shadows of itself. That’s when I realize where I am. I am tied up to a bed, naked, in my basement. “What am I doing down here?” I ask no one in particular. I continue to look around the basement, trying to figure out what the objects are that I am seeing.
   I look to the right side of the bed I lie upon and notice a side table. There is something on it. I squint my eyes to try and see what the object is. I notice that it has a long, sharp blade and the handle on it looks like it is made of leather. I take another look at the object and realize that it is a knife. “A knife,” I say as I start to reach for it. Just as I am about to grab it, I knock the side table over.
   “God dammit!” I yell. That was my only chance at freeing myself. “Hello! Can someone hear me?” I scream, hoping that somebody can hear me. No answer, no noise indicating that anyone is here. “Who brought me down here?” I think to myself. Then, I realize there’s only one person that would bring me down here. Greg my step-.
   “How wonderful,” my step-father says.
   “Let me go you jackass!” I yell at him. He stops walking mid-step next to the bed. “Were you trying to escape, Princess?” he asks as he picks up the side table and the knife.
   “Of course I was trying to escape! I don’t want to be here with you, Greg!”
    Greg looks at me and smiles a wicked smile. “Oh baby doll, I’m only trying to keep you safe from anyone that would try to take you away from me,” he says while rubbing the knife on my face, “I only do this because I love you.”
   Greg puts the knife back on the table and starts to rub my body. “Get the hell off of me Greg!” I yell as I start to struggle. SMACK! All around the basement, you can hear the echo from him slapping me across the face. “Stop moving and let Daddy have fun with his princess,” he whispers in my ear.
   I feel tears seeping out of my eyes and I start to cry. “Let me go….. please?” I say softly and my voice crackles.
   “Oh baby, don’t cry. I’m going to take great care of you,” he says as his hands slide down my waist.
   Stop! Leave me alone! I don’t want to do this!” I yell. Just as I finish yelling at him, he forces his lips against mine. As soon as our lips touch, I use my teeth to grab his lip and bite down until I can taste blood. Greg jerks his head back and punches me. “What in the hell do you think you are doing?” he asks, grabbing the knife off of the side table. Putting the knife up to my neck, he says, “Now you are going to let me enjoy this time that I have with you or I will cut you. Got it?” I don’t answer him. “GOT IT?” he yells and I start nodding my head ‘yes’, crying.
   His hand starts to roam my body again as he climbs in between my legs. He puts the knife between his teeth and starts to undo his pants. I close my eyes as I continue to cry. All of a sudden, I feel a smack across my face and open my eyes. “Keep your eyes open. I want you to watch me make love to you,” he says.
   “This is not love! This is rape! Get off of me you asshole!” I yell as I exert my body.
   Then Greg grabs my neck and puts the knife up to it. “ You need to stay still before I have to cut you,” he demands, sliding his manhood inside of me.
   “No please. Let me go.” I say softly. He continues to thrust his self inside of me and he seems to have forgotten about the knife he has against my neck. The knife isn’t pressed against my neck too much, so I decide to headbutt him. I count to ten in my head, put my head back as far as I can. and throw it forward, headbutting him.
   He sits up quickly, holding his head, and gets off the bed. “Okay you little b****,” he says, “I’m fed up with you rejecting me.” He presses the knife up against my neck again and starts cutting into my skin.
   “Aaaah! No lea-” I shoot up in my bed, screaming. I open my eyes and see that I am in my room. I look down at myself and see that I still have my pajamas on. “Why do my dreams always have to be worse than what happens in real life?” I ask myself. Looking around my room, I wipe my forehead and notice that I am drenched in sweat. “Ugh, I need to take a shower,” I say out loud to myself, getting out of my bed.
   Walking to my bathroom, I get out of my pajamas and toss them in my hamper. I go into my bathroom and head over to the sink to splash water on my face. “What am I going to do?” I ask myself, walking to my shower and turning it on. I lean against the wall and I pray. I’m usually not the type to pray but right at this moment, I need to. “Dear Lord, please help me escape the hurt. Help me figure out how I’m going to get away from this house. I need help. I need to get out of here. Please Lord, Save me… Amen.”

   Getting out of the shower, I slip on a puddle of water and catch myself on the wall. Placing my hand on my chest, I feel how fast my heart is beating. I take a couple steps forward and grab a towel and wrap it around my hair, and grab another towel and wrap it around my body. Walking into my room, I approach my closet to pick out an outfit that I want to wear. Looking through my clothes, I find my purple, baby blue, and light pink flower pattern crop top tank that has a black heart on the front and it has ‘love’ written acrossed it in cursive writing.
   Deciding what to match my shirt with, I pick out a pair of my dark blue high waist shorts and my favorite shoes, black and violet Jordan Retro 3’s. Heading out of my closet with my outfit in hand, I go to my dresser to grab a pair of socks and a matching set of undergarments. I place my clothing on my bed and put my undergarments on. Walking over to my vanity and grabbing the lotion that was sitting on it, I started putting some on my body. As I’m putting it on, I take in the scent of my vanilla bean lotion.
   After I finish putting lotion on, I walk into my bathroom to brush my teeth. When I finish brushing my teeth, I head back into my room to get dressed in the outfit that I picked out. I look over at my alarm clock on my night stand and it read 6:00 am. “I still have an hour and a half until school starts,” I say to myself as I sit down on the stool in front of my vanity. I decide to only put a little bit of makeup on. Grabbing my makeup bag, I take out my eyelash curler, black eyeliner, black mascara, light pink eyeshadow, and my light pink lip gloss.
   I finish doing my makeup and I unwrap the towel from my hair. Brushing my hair out, I decide to just let my hair go natural. Getting up from the stool, I grab my back-pack, keys, and cell-phone. I walk over to my full length mirror and stand in front of it, and begin checking myself out. “Girl, don’t you look fine today.” I say to my reflection in the mirror and blow myself a kiss.
   By now, you are probably wondering who I am, so I will tell you a little about myself. My name is Aleina Joy Labelle, I am 17-years-old. If you are thinking that my last name sounds French, you are correct. I was born and raised here in Klamath Falls, Oregon. I’m 5’5” and I weigh 145 pounds. I have long, slightly wavy, brown hair. My eyes are a pretty light green color. I have a flat stomach with a slightly visible four pack. I have a nice big booty and perky c-cups. I am a Senior in high school and I’m very excited that school is over in two weeks. I participate in two sports, basketball and track. I’m a fast runner, more like the fastest on my team. I ran the fastest mile in the school, 4 minutes, 30 seconds.
   Both of my parents are from France but they came to Klamath Falls for college, and that is how they met. As they said, it was love at first sight. My mom, Becky Martin, stands at 5’9”, long silky brown hair and hazel eyes. My dad, Julien Labelle stands at 6’2”, black hair, which he kept nice and trimmed, and eyes, like mine, a pretty light green color. My mom used to go partying and do other things with her friends, but when she met my dad, she stopped all of that. Two years after they started dating, they got married and my mom gave birth to a set of twin girls, me, Aleina Joy Labelle, and my sister, Lily Jo Labelle.
   My life was great. My dad worked as a manager at Cimarron Inn. My mom stayed home with my sister and I. Life was going good until two weeks after my sixth birthday. My father was killed on impact in a hit and run accident. The FBI’s and police never found out who his killer was, so they closed the case. After my father’s death, that is when my life completely changed.
   It all started when my mom lost the house and we were forced to move to a two story town house. My mom’s behavior did a complete 360 degree turn after my father died and we moved. She started drinking and doing different types of drugs again. She would bring different guys home almost every night. Most of them I didn’t like, they were mean to me. One day, my mom came home drunk, and she brought a guy with her. I was sitting in the living room, watching tv when she walked in making out with that man.
   She noticed me sitting on the couch, pushed the guy off her, and whispered something to him, and he went into the kitchen. She walked toward me, and she had this nasty glare on her face. “What are you doing awake?” She asked me.
“I had an awful dream and I couldn’t go back to sleep.” I explained to her.
   My mom reached toward me and smacked me in the face and yelled “Get your little ass back in bed now! Don’t you ever come out of that room after it’s your bedtime! I don’t give a s*** if you have a bad dream or not, you are to stay in there! Okay?”
    I look at her and held my face. She raised her hand again and I quickly got off the couch and ran upstairs to my room and shut the door. I got back into bed and I started to cry. I cried until I fell asleep. Ever since that night, my mom continued to abuse me, and she still does to this day. The guy she brought home that night, they started dating and ended up getting married 2 years later. His name is Greg, he was nice to me for the first couple months they were married, but then that all changed one night.
   My mom and sister were out having fun, and I was at home with Greg. Greg and I were watching cartoons on the tv in the living room. I was sitting on his lap, and he started rubbing my legs and he kept getting closer to my private part. I looked at him and I asked him what he was doing. He told me that he was just massaging my legs. I nodded to him and I continued to watch the cartoon that was on, and he put his hand in my undies and started touching me.
   I was scared but I didn’t say anything. Greg turned the tv off and carried me to my room. When we got in there, he closed and locked the door. He laid me on my bed and undressed me. I told him that I didn’t want to do what he was wanting to, and he told me that everything was going to be alright and not to talk. I slowly nodded my head, and he put his fingers inside of me and started doing nasty things to me. I started to cry silently because it hurt so much. After he was done, he kissed me on my forehead and left my room. I continued to cry for most of the night, until I fell asleep.
   I was 8-years-old when that happened. Greg still sexually abuses me. If I refuse to do anything with him, he beats me.  I tried telling my mom, but she didn’t believe me, she still doesn’t. Every time I would tell her, she would hit me with anything that was in arm’s length and tell me to stop lying. She always thought I was trying to break her and Greg up. She would say, “Stop trying to break us up Aleina, you just want him all to yourself, you little slut.”
   It breaks my heart knowing that my mother doesn’t care about me. I don’t think she even loves me anymore. One thing I hate the most is that my sister doesn’t get abused. She is treated like she is an angel. Lily is the one who does everything she isn’t supposed to, and I’m the one who gets all the blame and abuse. One time, my mom walked into the living room as soon as my sister broke a vase that she got from Greg, and I’m the one who got beat. It makes me angry, but there isn’t anything that I am able to do. But that’s enough of my horrible family past, and myself, I have to finish getting ready for school.



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