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City of the Doomed

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City of the Doomed
Summary: I've lost my memory, that much is obvious. I am on a planet that has three suns. There is a girl here who says I am in a city. The City. However, it only appears to be a collection of wooden houses. There is agricultural work being done here, but there is no plant life. Trees should only be native to Earth, and yet there is wood. The people are working here, but they work the exact same way. Every action is mirrored in every person. Perfect conformity...


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AnInkling said...
Sept. 29, 2013 at 9:47 pm:
I just finished City of the Doomed, and I was very impressed. You gave Seventeen a very distintive character, and you kept it up throughout the book; I also appreciated the uniqueness of Emault, Merith and Rota. And if you can up with the ideas of nanomatter and the other technological ideas, then that is very impressive. Also the supence is excellent, but I would say that emotion is a little bit lacking in the story which would have been nice to see to make it less of a steriotypical action-act... (more »)
None0 replied...
Sept. 30, 2013 at 9:23 pm :
I've had my eye on nanotechnology for a long time now (I plan on being a nanotechnology researcher after I'm done with my education), although the technological concepts used in this book were ones that I made up.   I just can't get the emotion right. In every book I write, the character's reactions or thoughts just don't seem realistic at all, but I think that's the only major flaw in my writing.   Personally, I don't like romance too much... (more »)
AnInkling replied...
Oct. 1, 2013 at 9:38 am :
Oh! That is really cool! Well, since the novel is mostly writen from None/Seventeen's perspective, then I think that too much emotion would not be good (and adding romance would ruin the feeling of the book, I agree). However, it might have been nice to some stronger emotion when None thinks that he is about to die and when 15 thinks the same. AlI could suggest, is maybe you could pick up reading some poetry or emotional books and see if that helps. Oh, and it might have also been nice if we... (more »)
None0 replied...
Oct. 1, 2013 at 6:27 pm :
So, I'm going to assume that you're talking about the ending, when 17 is trapped on the planet and they're about to destroy it (if not, then I have no idea).   That secret ties in heavily with the council of people talking in the Unknown Location, which is essentially the plot for book 3. I've thought out this series very, very thoroughly, so if there's a major loose end/unrevealed secret somewhere, it'll be covered in the next 2 novels (btw, if you like sec... (more »)
AnInkling replied...
Oct. 2, 2013 at 10:46 am :
Oh, that is excellent then, and very well planned out! I cannot wait until I have time to read your next book!
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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 28, 2013 at 9:00 am:
I have only read chapter one, but I do intend to read the others. Your writing style is very depth and crisp, and it makes me curious about the character. The introduction drew me in, and I like the idea about mental fog; I have made a few of my own stories circulating around the idea of memory loss inflicted by others. But in this case, I am curious as to who your character, None , is. I have my own theories... Are they all refugees drawn into this slave community, delivered with the wood and w... (more »)
None0 replied...
Sept. 29, 2013 at 1:22 am :
The first part is very much intended to perk your interest. Later it gets a lot more complex (you find out who None is, of course, which leads into a whole new mystery). I think my writing's emotional flaw doesn't show itself too much in this book, which is good, since you don't have to read any awkward parts.   On another note, if you ever finish this book and want to know what happens afterward, there's a sequel called Justice Conception on my profile.  ... (more »)
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm :
When I finish this one, I will be sure to look deeper into Justice Conception. Your ideas are intruiging. 
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Seshat said...
Sept. 20, 2013 at 11:14 am:
As requested, I have read the first chapter of one of your novels.  From reading other comments as well, I have noted that many think your writing lacks emotion.  This is true, to an extent, but not damagingly so, and I think that this particular story and character is perfectly fine as is.  Did you succeed in publising this one?  I'm trying to self-publish a novel myself, and it's not proving easy...but who ever said it was?  As to this novel, I am intrigued, an... (more »)
None0 replied...
Sept. 29, 2013 at 1:13 am :
I apologize; I forgot to reply to you. Yes, I'm aware that a weakness of mine is that I can't portray character emotion very well (see Death Pact if you want an example). This novel has a lot more logic-based characters, so it fares much better than some of my others. Self-publishing is actually quite expensive if you want the book in print. I'd probably try self-publishing with Amazon's kindle system (google "kindle self publishing" or something along those li... (more »)
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None0 said...
Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:57 pm:
Well, I'm finally going to try and get this published, so for safety's sake, since this is technically a digital copy, this novel may be subject to deletion once, or after I complete the publishing process (publishing takes time). Thank you for your support, and I hope all of you aren't too disappointed.
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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 14, 2013 at 7:15 pm:
That was awesome!!!!!!!! First of all, I agree with Rota. None is way better than seventeen! Second, I thought it was cool that he could always get out alive. Third, you never told who sixteen was. Fourth, thank you for including None's name. Fifth, I thought the emotional chapter was awesome. I'm glad you persevered and pushed through on it! I just wish Rota could've been in that chapter. Again, this was awesome!!!! The only ... (more »)
None0 replied...
Jul. 15, 2013 at 4:18 pm :
Weirdly, other people agree that None is a lot better than Seventeen. Makes me feel like I should keep it as his nickname in the next book. Sixteen is a veteran agent, so he keeps his identity a secret. He'll appear again in the next book, so you'll find out who he is eventually. And if publishing wasn't such a long process, I'd definitely try to get this in print. Thanks for reading.
Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:30 pm :
Thank you for clearing that up for me about Sixteen. It sounds really interesting. I can't wait for your next one!
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Alizz said...
Jul. 9, 2013 at 3:57 pm:
The first chapter sounds GREAT! If this was sold at a bookstore, I would buy it for sure. I think the descriptions are very clear, and you do a nice job of making it known that the main character is very intelligent. I thouroughly enjoyedd reading this.
None0 replied...
Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm :
Thank you for reading.   I can't really do anything other than intelligent main characters... when I try any other character archetype I end up hating them (see Darkest Shadow, I really don't like Erilus).
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Minkerbell said...
May 24, 2013 at 2:50 pm:
I read the first chapter and I am amazed. It captures the attention of the readers and creates very vivid images in our minds. Great job, I am glad to say that I will be continuing with this novel! :)
None0 replied...
May 24, 2013 at 9:00 pm :
Just wait until you get to the killer robots (which may or may not appear later in the novel). Thanks for reading!
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Melissa23 said...
May 24, 2013 at 11:30 am:
Although I only read this first chapter, I loved the imargery and to me, it did seem quite creative. Great Work!
None0 replied...
May 24, 2013 at 8:59 pm :
Thank you! I do obsess over descriptions somewhat, but it looks like it paid off.
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