Fabula Imperium (Story of Power)

October 30, 2012
By Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can often be complex, and some people don't ever practice. The important thing is, when you get good at it, few things can help you more in life.


Summary:

Contains a dose of interesting characters, a plethora of scy-fi devices, and a touch of power-hungry psychopaths bent on destroying the human race.
Enjoy.


Andrew W.

Fabula Imperium (Story of Power)


Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 37 comments.


MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 22 2012 at 1:12 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 9: I'm starting to wonder what's happening in the outside world. Wouldn't the whole city be in panic after the huge explosion in the park that killed everyone? Wouldn't the kids' parents be on the news, worrying about their teenagers who went to the mall and disappeared? Would Arcus and co. miss their families? Just food for thought. Haha...food...get it....happy Thanksgiving!

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 22 2012 at 1:04 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 8: (Warning to other readers: this contains spoilers) First, I didn't know what an SMG was, so I had to look it up... Anyway, when Arcus says, "Yeah, no," I laughed. I was scared when he got shot, especially when he started hallucinating. Did the bullet leave his body? P.S. The part about George Washington was great. When I was doing research for the first chapter of my book, I read that Sir Walter Raleigh would come out of battles with bullet holes all through his breeches but be completely unscathed. He's totally an Imperial  :)

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 22 2012 at 12:53 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Yay! It's back up! Chapter 7: I LOVE the electricity-vision. At one point Leo says to Arcus, "What happened to your eyes, man?" Do they change color or something? I was dying to find out, but it was never really brought up again. This story rocks!

on Nov. 17 2012 at 6:38 pm
Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can often be complex, and some people don't ever practice. The important thing is, when you get good at it, few things can help you more in life.

Well, the government doesn't actually know about them yet, much less send them to save the world. Callidus just has funding, that's it.

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 16 2012 at 6:41 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 6: I actually had no trouble with you breaking the 4th wall.  Another thing I like was the mentioned presence of Imperials in gangs - it seems natural that those with supernatural powers would be just as likely to be involved in street crime as saving the world. I was a little incredulous that the government -who has known about the existance of Imperials for presumably a long time - is sending a group of teenagers who have hardly tested out their powers to save the world. Then again, it really propels the pace and heightens the drama, so....

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 16 2012 at 6:32 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 5: Callidus and his high-tech armaments = Lol. Annie's ears regulating sound = awesome detail. P.S. sorry I haven't commented in a while; the site was having issues and I am in a play this week 

on Nov. 11 2012 at 12:40 pm
Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can often be complex, and some people don't ever practice. The important thing is, when you get good at it, few things can help you more in life.

Yep. I see the corn palace every day, in fact.

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 11 2012 at 12:06 am
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Callidus and his weapons room = Lol Annie's ears regualting sound to always be tolerable to her = awesome detail I'm so jealous of this chapter because there's a part in my story (TeenInk.com/novels/sci_fi_fantasy/book/106014/The-Secretary/7/) where there's major explosions in a weapons training room, but it's not nearly as funny

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 11:49 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 4: this one has a great title - Doctrina! It's very lyrical, which fits the change of pace. My favorite part was Arcus in the dark dreamily watching the sparks floating in the air. At first I was getting strong Percy Jackson vibes, but the powers-by-genetics thing was an entirely new twist that was intriguing. My only question is how the Imperium and Turpis genes have somehow become recessive (maybe they're like the gene for dwarfism: when someone inherits one copy from one parent, physical effects manifest themselves, but when someone inherits two copies from both parents, the embryo dies. Just a thought as to how Imperials could die away). Anyway, the demigods-as-mutants was a TERRIFIC idea P.S. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but: 'Light?' Arcus asked. 'Light,' Leo confirmed. He lightly flung the miniature sun into the air...

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 11:34 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter 3: I loved how even with his "test subje-ahem, people" slip, Callidus nevertheless seems really trustworthy to me. My only question is how he obtained that shard of the Mobius cube.... Just noticed you're from Mitchell! Like, THE Mitchell, SD? I was at the Corn Palace this summer!!

on Nov. 10 2012 at 8:09 pm
Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can often be complex, and some people don't ever practice. The important thing is, when you get good at it, few things can help you more in life.

I'll make sure to edit that when I do another chapter post. Thanks for the feedback.

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 1:26 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Aston is a consummate villain, so so evil! I love the clashes between him and Arcus. I just noticed that there's a huge explosion and a field of dead bodies, and only two police officers show up. And those two police officers seem totally unfazed and quickly put down their weapons and chat. Even if they are part of a secret group of people who know about the Cube, maybe they could be a bit more shaken. Can't wait for the impending battle between Arcus and his former friends who joined Aston!

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 1:18 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Chapter One: At first I was a bit confused with the switch from the 1st-person prologue to 3rd-person, but it's still great. The characters were instantly relatable. My favorite parts were Arcus describing Mila as his "friend-who-happened-to-be-a-girl" (lol), "Would you like your shoes polished, my lady" (another lol), and Annie with her headphones. Another great part was the description of the gravity ("He felt obliged to follow it"). Some things I noticed: you used the phrase "lack of a better term" a lot, and you had a couple of sentences like "There were crowds and crowds of people. It was a pretty popular mall." In which, you don't really need the second sentence. I love this story!!!

MayaS. BRONZE said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 1:09 pm
MayaS. BRONZE, Mundelein, Illinois
2 articles 3 photos 51 comments
Prologue: I LOVE Arcus' voice here, and the clipped sentences. It's really direct and powerful

on Nov. 6 2012 at 3:39 pm
Crunchman99 SILVER, Mitchell, South Dakota
9 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can often be complex, and some people don't ever practice. The important thing is, when you get good at it, few things can help you more in life.

Yeah, Teenink does the text chunk thing. I'm going to have to find a way to fix it, but I don't know if there is a way. I do like the sequences with Leo talking to me, the love/hate relationship is something I'll have to consider. I may have to change it, but humor just comes naturally to me. I will make sure to post an exposition for each of the characters to separate them personality-wise.

on Nov. 6 2012 at 10:15 am
Snowflakes SILVER, Lichfield, Other
6 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. - Alice In Wonderland

Wow. I read the whole thing, and I have SO much to say about this book. 1. It was amazing. 2. I loved it. 3. It was AMAZING. I like how the characters all have original names, I fell in love with Arcus, he seems so cool and whatnot. I also liked the storyline, it was really interesting and I wanted to read more D:
HOWEVER, you asked for constructive feedback, and in order to help you, I picked out errors. First, I'm not too sure if I like the moments when the characters talk to you, the author. In some respects it makes me smile because it's funny, but at the same time I hate it because it feels out of place. (But that's your choice obviously, if you like it, then keep it!). I also think that in the group of teenagers there are WAY too many characters, it's quite difficult to keep track of all of them throughout this, but then again, if you can keep all of them seperate personality wise, then I think it will work great. And finally, the structure towards the end became terrible. I'm not sure if this is your fault, or TeenInk, but it was in giant chunks, speech was on the same lines; making it SO hard to read, that it made me get slightly bored towards the end, which is horrible seeing as I loved the storyline!
So there you go, you're an amazing writer, you just need to make some tweaks :) 

on Nov. 6 2012 at 9:18 am
Lady_Teribithea GOLD, LaPorte, Colorado
14 articles 3 photos 28 comments
Only got through a few pages, but it looks good so far. I'm enjoying reading it. Few to no errors, a good plot so far, etc. Good job!




Swoon Reads

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!