Teen Ink

A very capturing story line is going on that reminds me or X-men or something. Very good. I wanted to know more.

If your story's not going through here, there's a teen writing site called Figment where you can post books without delay. It's pretty cool and there's lots of people offering feedback there.

Okay, about not posting anything in the last month... Well, TeenInk is kind of screwing me here. I've posted something completely new, but they won't validate it, either on purpose or by some fluke. Something is coming; don't worry. It might just take a while to get there.

I like the original names, the and the story.  It was pretty well written, the dialogue needs a little work, it's somewhat abrubt and not very believable.  The notes that yout put in the story I kind of don't like, if you use notes, you should have some kind of a sybole beside the parragraph, and then at the bottom of the page, write the notes.  Otherwise a fine book. 

Chapters 20-21: I feel guilty about the comment-per-chapter wall spam I've been doing, so I'll start lumping chapters together. These chapters were really suspenseful and the point-of-view changing was fluid and well-written. It was a tad confusing what Arcus does in Chapter 21 when he's down (uses his electric powers to melt the bullet in midair, causing the molten metal?) Sorry again about the comment clutter

I really liked it, even though it didn't really, in my opinion, have a proper ending. Are there more than 19 chapters? I don't ever really know what's up with Milla. What is her power? And  I could tell that your Leo was exactly the same as the one in Percy Jackson. His character is identical, as well as his name and backstory. Good story- tell me when there is more!

Chapter 19: Aw so mysterius! I have many questions, which was the intent of this chapter, but my only techincal-writing question is, does Arcus speak Latin? I'm sorry to say I don't know what he's quoting... I can't wait for more of this story!

Chapter 18 (or 19) Praeteritus Fulgur: Oh snap. You must keep these cool powers coming!! "Percy and Jason...."  *chuckles* good show.

Chapter 17: Compared to the rest, Mila's portrait seemed just a tad underdeveloped. I think it would be cool for her to practice with her powers like Annie, Shadix, and Leo were doing. Has she ever seen the ocean? (That was kind of random but it might make for an interesting flashback-character-development-thingy)

Chapter 16: My question for this chapter is, why was Leo bullied? He's so nice.... Once again, the last line!!! I love the running joke.

Chapter 15: Shadix is definately relatable. I'm just wondering...why is his power over shadows, and why is he goth? Also I laughed on the last line.

Chapter 14: this was a pretty sweet change in perspective, and definately the best chapter so far. Annie has just about every teenager's dream power- actual air guitar. But I liked how you took that and the scene evolved into a reflection about her family to the violin to the birds to her friends. The last line, "hoping against hope," was kind of cliche but that was miniscule.

Chapter 13: Do you think that if Arcus were to go out and about, he would put on a disguise? That might be pretty funny. I liked this chapter, especially the descriptions of skyscrapers. I'm starting to wonder why the bad guys have been so quiet. Too quiet....

Chapter 12: Sidus Bellum. Heh...

Sorry, that one was for Chapter 11.

Chapter 10: This chapter was a nice change of pace; and the vivid descriptions of their powers made a nice movie in my head

Chapter 9: I'm starting to wonder what's happening in the outside world. Wouldn't the whole city be in panic after the huge explosion in the park that killed everyone? Wouldn't the kids' parents be on the news, worrying about their teenagers who went to the mall and disappeared? Would Arcus and co. miss their families? Just food for thought. Haha...food...get it....happy Thanksgiving!