So close . . . yet so far

November 30, 2011
By BadGirl GOLD, Dacula, Georgia
BadGirl GOLD, Dacula, Georgia
13 articles 10 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be HATED for who I am
then be LOVED for who I'm not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I need is for someone to say "I believe in you."


Summary:

Luce has had a crush on a boy at school for a while now and when their pared together in science that year she is lost for words.
He sits next to her every day now and she doesn't know how to react.
He doesn't talk to her and doesn't look at her.
He's so close . . . yet so far.


BadGirl

So close . . . yet so far


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This book has 6 comments.


on May. 5 2014 at 12:36 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

PS you changed her name from Luce to Alexandra.

on May. 5 2014 at 12:31 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

So close... Yet so far: Just so you know in advance, I write my comments while I read so they have a tendency to be awfully long. I love all the questions you kick off with. It gives the story a real teenager-y feel, like impatience and anxiety. I feel like its a bit cheesy when you introduce the title so soon in the story, but that's just my opinion. "'Excuse me David?' The teacher asked in a warning tone. I looked up at David willing him to and to not stand up for me." That last sentence is a bit confusing; you might want to clarify it a little bit. Wow, it's surprising he would hold her hand. Maybe it's a friendship thing? Or maybe he's not as heartless as he seems. Aww. Ch 2 - The mom's comment seemed painfully real. Good job. Run-on sentence near the very end, but other than that, I liked it. Ch 3 - How did she already have his number? That's my only concern for this chapter. I would expand more on their emotions. Right now they both seem a little bit like bricks. The wink was a good idea! Ch 4 - Elaborate more with her nerdiness!! Make your characters seem REAL. It's okay to take up space & time talking about them; you want your reader to be able to write a biography on them by the time they're done reading. Should be 12:01 AM instead of PM. PM would be in the middle of the afternoon. "I had wasted enough water" seemed totally out of place. Ch 5 - Describe her anguish in trying to find the perfect outfit. It always takes teenage girls forever to pick one out, so it should for her too. What kind of bar did she eat? Why did you make David honk at the door? That's a little rude. Also, how did he get her address? That's kind of creepy. Ch 6 - I would suggest adding more gestures when they talk. For example, instead of him just saying "you'll see," say he winked or raised his eyebrows or squeezed her hand. Make the audience's heart wrench! That chapter kind of ended suddenly. Maybe add some transition words to wrap it up nicely. Ch 7 - I love the description for their kiss, perfect. Wow, this is getting... Wow. You asked "did he ask me out because he thought I was an easy target?" twice. That's a little repetitive. Word it a different way. Omg, he doesn't hang out with losers. Nice drama! I like it. Stop using the word "pined." I know you can think of something else. Whoa, wow, she's pregnant. Make it a bigger deal. I know a lot of people get preg nowadays, but for her? A nerdy girl who's never been on a date? It's a big deal. Overall, incredible message. It really shows how some people take advantage of others. Make sure to remember, though, that girls do this to guys too, and sometimes the scars are worse. Anyway, great powerful message. I really enjoyed reading.

on Sep. 23 2013 at 11:03 pm
alwaysreal BRONZE, Harvey, Louisiana
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
Albert Einstein
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
Benjamin Franklin

Wow. I like your book so much. This happened to my mom then i was born now he isn't a part of my life anymore. This also haopened my oldest cousin. The message you are sending to your readers is great. Especially since there is a lot of peer preasure now a-days.

on Apr. 12 2012 at 11:33 pm
nemish23 BRONZE, Sydney, Other
2 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have."

"Today is life. The only life we're sure of. Make the most of today." -CSI:NY

that's a really good book, i love it!

it sends a very strong, clear and relavant message to the teenagers of today. I love stories that do that.

good job! and keep writing! <3


BadGirl GOLD said...
on Dec. 12 2011 at 6:29 pm
BadGirl GOLD, Dacula, Georgia
13 articles 10 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be HATED for who I am
then be LOVED for who I'm not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I need is for someone to say "I believe in you."

Thanks!!! :D

Your the first person to comment on my stuff. I have more coming in a few days :)


on Dec. 12 2011 at 4:38 pm
i-love-cupcakes, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 27 comments
thats a great book i loved it good gob


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