The Forgotten

July 19, 2011
By just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester


Summary:

After Adrian kidnaps Leah, she will discover a thing or two about him. 
1) He is handsome
2) He is evil
3) He isn't human
And he is dead set on turning her into a creature of the night, a happy ever after for him and a forever for her.


Nina D.

The Forgotten


Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 25 comments.


iluvwriting1 said...
on Aug. 27 2015 at 11:28 pm
iluvwriting1, Coopersburg, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I'm sorry, what?"

I have to ask—do all books on this website have only 12 chapters?

on May. 2 2014 at 11:39 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

The Forgotten Comment Just to tell you in advance, I write my comments while I read so you can get a better feel of my emotions. I apologize sincerely because this will make a REALLY long comment. So here we go. Ch 1 - I love the title of the chapter. First chap. in the book, and BAM it's already the end. Cool effect. I like the repetitiveness in the things she says. "What a rhetorical question, if I'm *here telling you this." Also, you misused "faith." I believe it should be "fate." I really like your voice throughout the beginning here. It gives an intro with some personality. Very cool. "Impatients" --should be--> "impatience" hahaha don't you smile you beautiful idiot!! That's hysterical. "Chocking" --should be--> "choking" What a cliffhanger! I'll keep reading now. Ch 2 - I feel like the truck and elephant humor (?) did not fit the mood. It made me think it was going to be a funny chapter. Her sarcasm kind of does the same thing. Ch 3 - Make sure you're using commas and semi-colons correctly, please. I really love your diction. It's crisp and I can really picture the scene in my head. Ch 4 - Leah's sarcasm at the beginning kind of hinted at some comedy. If that's what you wanted, great, but if you want this book to really hit your readers hard in the chest, make it serious. I love how you called the alarm clock vulgar. You've got great diction. My exact thought --> "How is she getting cell service there?" Ooh, cliffhanger. Onward! Ch 5 - Its funny how she mentions her wisdom teeth, and it makes sense that she would try and blame her pain on something normal. I would if I was in that situation. Very realistic of a teenager. LOVE THE LAST SENTENCE. Ch 6 - Moon cycle? She said the room had no windows, so how can she know the moon cycle? NEVER MIND. I thought she was still in the little dark room. You might want to clarify that in the last few chapters. (4,5) I think you should say how old Mouse is. I'm picturing an old lady, but then you said she should be partying and whatnot. It's kind of a conflicted image. You add more humor, but I'm still not sure if I should laugh or not. The situation seems too dire. Nice oxymoron at the end. Ch 7 - Again with the comedy, but I'm just gonna stop mentioning that. You know what to fix. Ooh, nice description on the kissing scene. Nice. I want to know what she saw! Ch 8 - oh yuck! What a descriptive way to say he's a vampire! Nice! Ooh, weird. "The Forgotten." That's cool. I'm not sure if, personally, I like the idea of a zombie-vampire mix. I'm not usually into that kind of stuff, but hey, this one's cool. That was really interesting, and I liked it a lot, but I feel like her figuring out she was a forgotten should've been a bigger thing. The way Adrian said it seemed so casual. Ch 9 - interesting beginning. Again make sure you're using commas and semi-colons correctly. (There's a forum on here all about grammar. You should check it out.) whoa, this is from Adrian's point of view. Cool!! It's kind of creepy how they had pictures of Leah just laying around... Oh wait, it's from the POV of Leah's brother...? You might want to clarify there. Oh wow, he's mad. Cool, very good. I think at the end of the third section, you should show more zombie & vampire traits of Adrian's parents. Ch 10 - that's a really good chapter. Really good. I liked your description for her a TON, except maybe the hair. That was an itty bit confusing, but I got the point anyway. I love how she's gradually falling in love with him. Aww. Ch 11 - I thought when he went into the gas station, that he was going to run into Leah. That freaked me out for a sec. I'm glad you didn't make that happen. Oh no, he can't like Leah. That's insane. Btw, great voice throughout the ENTIRE novel. I just can't get over how much personality you've packed into this. It's really cool. I love how realistic his hotel stay and call with Leah are. Really, seriously awesome. You're great at describing stuff. Ch 12 - oh no last chap! Try not to change tense all the time. I love her moodswing, how hilarious. I love how she's so self conscious. You capture that feeling really well. I can really tell she's nervous. I LOVE the connection to the witch trials. Absolutely BRILLIANT. My favorite part of this chapter is why she wanted the kiss. She didn't want to kiss him because she liked him, but rather because she wanted to taste blood. That's brilliant. Overall, incredible. I wasn't too crazy about the zombie/vampire thing at first, but you made me like it. I could not put my iPad down! There are some grammar and spelling issues, most of which I've highlighted above, but overall, amazing.

on Mar. 21 2014 at 4:32 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Thanks :) I'm not sure how you can bookmark it, I think you can click a link somewhere requesting to receive an email when I publish new chapters (hope that helps).

on Mar. 21 2014 at 4:26 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Thanks for reading !

on Mar. 17 2014 at 7:10 pm
GhostMatrix SILVER, Bradenton, Florida
6 articles 3 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Each Day To The Fullest. -Quote From Somewhere Else-

I'm Whatever You Want Me To Be - My Quote -

Amazing!!!!!!

on Dec. 3 2013 at 9:39 pm
This is amazing, every girl wants a bad boy who's good just for her!  Btw, does anyone know how to bookmark cuz I am definitely bookmarking this!

Forever SILVER said...
on Nov. 27 2013 at 10:52 pm
Forever SILVER, Flint, Michigan
8 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances."
B.F. Skinner

More more more!!!

on Oct. 6 2011 at 9:35 am
Mermaidmissy SILVER, Las Vegas, Nevada
8 articles 0 photos 136 comments
Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :) 

EbbaRose said...
on Oct. 5 2011 at 1:08 am
EbbaRose, Adelaide, Other
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Good story! And great character voice, i love it!!! can't wait to read more!

on Aug. 13 2011 at 2:49 pm
Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stupid Is As Stupid Does." -Forest Gump (;
"No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude."

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

 

Hopefully I wasn't just repeating a lot of what other people said, that was just my two cents. Definitely keep writing, though (:


on Aug. 8 2011 at 8:44 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

* signes.  

on Aug. 8 2011 at 8:43 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion. 

RRRRR BRONZE said...
on Aug. 8 2011 at 6:42 pm
RRRRR BRONZE, Orrville, Ohio
1 article 1 photo 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is when you don't."- Pete Seeger

"I didn't quit because I wasn't strong enough to live through it, i stopped because i was strong enough to move on." -Unknown

I like this a lot. The paragraphing is weird, though. It threw me off a little bit, as well as the arrows instead of the ". Is there any significance to the arrows?

on Aug. 8 2011 at 2:58 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Thanks !! I will try adding more description and emotions in my next chapters, I have a hard time with that sort of stuff;) Again thank you for reading !

Faerie said...
on Aug. 8 2011 at 12:27 pm
Faerie, Lala, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

 

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

 

Great work! :)


on Aug. 7 2011 at 6:51 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !

on Aug. 7 2011 at 6:42 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

thanks so much :)

on Aug. 7 2011 at 6:41 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

Thank you Garnet77. The next chapter is going to be under another character's point of view... so keep reading ! 

mrs. mom said...
on Aug. 7 2011 at 6:36 pm
as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue

on Aug. 7 2011 at 5:52 pm
renthead96 BRONZE, City, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."

This was a spelling error: "allowed," instead of "aloud."

"It was under my own free will. I could have stayed in bed that day. I could have slept in. The night before, I could have turn ed my alarm off. I could have canceled my date with my girlfriends. I could have. But I didn't."

You commonly would write with choppy sentences. This can be fixed easily by combining these sentences using commas and such.

"I guess it was faith, I was destined to die that day, a Sunday."

Again, a typo: I believe you meant "fate" instead of "faith."

Otherwise, I did enjoy reading what you've posted of this novel. Don't worry too much about the mistakes; they're very common with many writers, and everyone makes them. But keep on writing, I can't wait to read more! I would also like to add that I liked the narrator because she used her own sense of humor and sarcasm in many situations. I thought she was funny. And I have a character in my novel names Adrian too! I absolutely love that name :)





MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!