A Soul to Guard

December 13, 2010
By BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”


Summary:

This is really something everyone should read.


bon-bon

A Soul to Guard


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This book has 16 comments.


on Mar. 26 2012 at 10:58 am
mudnainah BRONZE, Barikville, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
it's not in everything that you find happiness, but in happiness you shall find everything.

I beleive you need to work on this peice and make it more readable. If you know what I mean :)

Good job tho' I didn't read the whole story


on Feb. 9 2012 at 8:57 pm
BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Thank you so much for your constructive criticism. And what is funny, is that this book was meant to be fan-fiction and I actually wrote this my Freshman year of High School and only posted it a while ago. My new book "Something Blue" is definitely new writing style and I wrote it my Senior Year of High School, and it is currently getting edited so I hope to publish it. That book is definitely the most ME I think it will get for a while. Thanks for your constructivism.

on Feb. 9 2012 at 5:40 pm
SilverLuna SILVER, _________, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Come fairies take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.".... W.B. Yeats.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

You have a good writing foundation, that's something that is very evident in your work. However, your lack of originality is really unfortunate. I don't mean to be harsh, trust me, TI is a place that I love, but when I read your piece, from the first two pages alone, all I could think was "Twilight." I'm sure that was your inspiration, no? You have amped up the plots and drama of the entire thing, but it was hard of me ton be really drawn in when all I could do was draw comparisons. You write very well, just work on coming up with something new. Something you. Something that YOU imagine. Something YOU pull out of the air.

on Dec. 17 2011 at 2:25 pm
SorceressCynVanity GOLD, Dallas, Texas
10 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
In all the world there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world there is no love for you like mine. - Maya Angelou

The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, the damaged people are the wisest. -Unknown

This book was very good i loved it :) please continue its really good :)

teenagedream said...
on Sep. 24 2011 at 12:25 pm
NIce!!!! but i need more:):):)

on Aug. 29 2011 at 6:14 pm
JustAnotherDay. BRONZE, Andover, Ohio
2 articles 1 photo 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
Stephen Fry - There are many people out there that will tell you that "you can't". What you've got to do is turn around and say, "watch me."

I love it, I think you should continue it, and only reply when you post more. (: It should turn into a movie. 

on Aug. 19 2011 at 6:20 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

wow this was amazing great job! Hey if anyone had time, could you please check out my story called the beast? It today it just got voted as the fourth best in the top novel. Thanks a bunch and keep writing everyone! :)(:

on May. 13 2011 at 6:44 pm
JesseShannon75 BRONZE, Powhata, Virginia
3 articles 2 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world."
-Marilyn Monroe

Very good book; kinda has a twilight feel to it..im keepin an eye out for more of your writing:) you need to write more:))

on May. 1 2011 at 8:57 pm
Charly11d7 GOLD, Cumming, Georgia
12 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want" Psalm 23:1

I saw the indenting thing too, and it happened in my book, Teen Ink undoes the indentations.. btw

on May. 1 2011 at 7:43 pm
BleedingTearsCryingBlood BRONZE, Pendleton, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Read on to discover a soul deeper than your own. Read on to find the innermost feelings, and thoughts of a creative mind. Read on to find something you may or may not understand."

I found it really confusing, I think it either needs a back story. Or if it is all a dream then make it seem more like a dream.

MeIsMe18 said...
on Mar. 18 2011 at 4:51 pm
MeIsMe18, Roswell, New Mexico
0 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

I really liked this book its amazing i honestly don't see anythin wrong with it  but i really really like it and hope you keep writing more (:

 


on Mar. 18 2011 at 6:27 am
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

Chapter one is just a giant paragraph. Try indenting.

While reading, I noticed some parts seemed well akward. Mostly in your first few sentences. Re-read it outloud amd you may notice.

And if this was all a dream, I'd change your descriptions that are fully detailed. Because it's hard to think it was a dream when she can see everything on his face. Just my opinion.

I've only read the first chapter, and since you didn't give a summary of the book I don't know what I'm reading about, your writing is good.

-Kat.


on Mar. 2 2011 at 10:38 pm
Ebonykitty SILVER, Naples, Florida
8 articles 1 photo 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can't run out of dreams. Dreams are the start of everything...

I sure hope that wasn't the ending!

~Ebony~


on Feb. 2 2011 at 5:49 am
Timekeeper DIAMOND, Cary, North Carolina
62 articles 0 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over a garbage can and says 'That's Punk'?, and I say 'No that's trendy'!"- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

It's okay, a lot of the language feels forced and you brak from the narrative a lot to tell us about irrelevent details.

on Dec. 21 2010 at 5:35 pm
BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

two different people

HuntressEmma said...
on Dec. 20 2010 at 8:04 pm
Okay very good so far; I'm finished Ch. 2, but is the main guy's name Jordan or Jasper? Or is it two different people?


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