Promises | Teen Ink

Promises

May 26, 2016
By kiarra34, Indianapolis, Indiana
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kiarra34, Indianapolis, Indiana
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There’s no hope for me, it’s over everything I ever dreamed of has been taken away from me and it’s his entire fault. “Survive somehow.” were the last words he told me before he moved away and never came back liked he promised. I wonder what the old Vanessa would say. Probably, “stop lying around pack your things and go!” but sadly I can’t he took what was really important to me, he took my heart and now I may never get it back. When I sit here now my now 19 year old self I think ‘wow what a waste” I’ve tried so hard to pick back up but this gruesome feeling inside of me is holding me back.
   It all started 2 years ago when my mom Lori, married Ben who became my stepdad who has 3 sons. Jake, Jason, and Jack. Their mother name is Jamie so I guess I could see why all their names start with a J. I am the only child and was not happy at all that 4 guys will be moving into me and my mom’s house hold especially since my dad went missing 5 years ago and they still don’t have one trace of evidence. The old Vanessa had no emotion once so ever. She was cold nothing seemed to bother her, and She could never feel pain physically and emotionally. I really did try to cry for my dad but the old Vanessa couldn’t like I said she was cold.
   When they moved in it’s almost like I literally felt everything. The first day they came into the house I put on a fake smile, wore a dress, and did my hair all pretty like it felt different. Jack was the first guy of the three to catch my eye, he had sparkling blue eyes, hair that was almost as long as mine but a little shorter, and had the biggest smile on his face.
   “Nice shoes” Jack said
    “Nice hair” I said.
  My mom showed them to their rooms and I walked with them and Jack just could not take his eye off me. I didn’t know it then but that was a clear red flag to most likely stay out of his direction. Yet, with me being seventeen at the time I was amazed with the thought of Jack he was different from most boys. He became my best friend because he was a lot nicer than most boys and I’m happy I really had got to know him.
   I could tell him everything, I trusted him more than I trusted my own mother or my other best friend since kindergarten Casey. I remember every day after school we would go to this treehouse in the middle of some nearby woods; we’d go up there and just talk mostly about our hopes and dreams. I loved how the wind felt flowing through my hair, the smell of the nice summer breeze, and just enjoying Jacks Company. We would just talk and talk and talk, go to the movies, make smoothies with the family of course, and lastly always there for each other. I have so many pictures of us doing fun things together its crazy. We both equally hate this place and cannot wait until we leave boring old St. Louis Missouri never understood why people vacation here , they I’m guessing it’s because they don’t have to live here all their lives. One day me and Jack were sitting in the tree house as normal when all out of nowhere he just got really quite,
  “Hey what’s up with you today?” I asked
Jack got real tense as he got up and told me,
“One day we will leave this boring old place and see what else the world has to offer to us, promise me Vanessa that you will leave here any and every chance you get pack your things and just go, promise?”
   I looked at him confused as to why that even came up.
  “I promise.” I said laughing a little.
    He pulled me into a nice long hug and I loved his hugs but as we were hugging he sniffled a little like he was about to cry. Turns out he was.
   The next morning I woke up to the sound of my mother crying and screaming. I didn’t know what to think so I just quickly ran out of my room to see Jason with half of his stuff in his hands.
   “What’s going on?” I asked Jason in a curious tone
   “Jack didn’t tell you? We’re moving back out to Atlanta because our parents are splitting up.” Jason said looking down and walking away.
   I could not believe what was happening my mom couldn’t handle it; I haven’t heard her cry this hard since my dad went missing. Then maybe that was it she just lost another important man in her life and she just can’t take it anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around and saw Jack standing there. He eventually looked up and said.
   “I know I should have told you but I couldn’t sorry you had to find out this way. Just survive somehow I love you and keep your promise.” Jack said pulling me into a hug
   I fell to the ground crying because I knew he wasn’t coming back and sadly he never did.

I fell to the ground crying because I knew he wasn’t coming back and sadly he never did.
   Now we are back here to reality or as I like to call it, my very hateful and bad reality. After graduation I got accepted into The University Of  Florida, Jack put in the application for me because he knew how much I wanted to go to Florida he said he did it as a “early graduation gift” I have two weeks to show up or just don’t bother to show up. My mom keeps begging me to leave and go after my dreams; she’s gotten over Ben shortly after he left.  My thoughts were killing me they were driving me nuts to the point where I shouted
    “ENOUGH!”
I went upstairs got half of my things put it in my car and left. I left my mom a voicemail and wrote a note saying,
   “I love you but don’t come looking for me.”
     As I was driving I wasn’t going to Florida and I wasn’t going to Atlanta, I’m just getting far away from here and probably won’t be back. 5 hours into driving I stopped at a gas station and saw a sign that said ‘welcome to Iowa.’ I pulled to the gas pump went and paid for it came back to the car and started pumping gas into my car. I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard someone say.
   “I see your keeping your promise.”
   I kept thinking it’s not him it can’t be he’s all the way in Atlanta living the good life no way he’s coming back out here. I turned around just to see it’s nobody just me looking like a lost puppy. Maybe getting up to leave was a bad idea but whatever just happened was telling me the truth I am keeping that promise.

   I finally finished pumping gas I paid for it, got in the car and sped off. I started crying pearl shaped tears and could feel them racing down my face. I realized that I miss him even more now that I left. This is very bad because I can hear his voice when he’s not even there, I could call him but I won’t there’s no turning back. As I was driving I got loads of phone calls from my mom but just ignored them until the last caller ID went from mom to Casey who is still my best friend since freshman year. I answered the phone and put it on speaker without saying hello.
   “Oh my gosh! Where are you? Are you okay? Your mom is going bananas you won’t answer her calls!” Casey asked in a very worried tone of voice
   “I’m just driving and I do believe I’m in Iowa but everything is fine I’m fine” I said trying not to cry
   “Well that’s great but please be safe I’ll call your mom and tell her you’re okay but you should call her it’d be great if she could hear it from you.” Casey said
   I didn’t say another word I just hanged up the phone threw it out the window and kept driving. It was dark outside and I could barely see, my thoughts are driving me crazy and I got so caught up in them that I didn’t see that there was a stop sign and all I heard was a loud beep and before I could snap out of it, I felt a sharp pain flow through my body and my whole world went pitch black. It felt like I was in paradise, free of worries, no stress, a limitless life

   For a minute there I thought it was over and that there really was no coming back, until out of  nowhere I heard a very familiar voice a little too familiar though. I opened my eyes to see nothing but bright white; it was kind of like I was in the afterlife of some sort but I’m not religious but I have read about this place.
   “Hey there beautiful” The familiar voice said
  I got up and turned around to see the person that was talking to me. To my surprise it was my dad who had his arms wide open for me. Of course I ran and hugged him as tightly as I could.
   “Where have you been? I miss you so much dad” I said crying into his arm.
   “You don’t know where you are? Do you?” My dad said in a saddened tone.
  “No” I added on
“Sweet heart, Your stuck in the middle and by that I mean your near death and you have to choose where you go, you can stay here in the afterlife or go back home and live your life.” My dad said walking out of the hug.
   I didn’t say anything, and not because I didn’t want to but because I couldn’t. This whole time I was thinking “well you’re going to be fine you can’t get through it.” Yet now I have the two hardest choices ever.
   “So wait your telling me you’re near death? Well what are you going to choose?” I asked
   “No baby girl, I am in fact gone. Do not ask how either, just know that I am here to guide you.” My dad stated
   I’ve made really tough decisions in my life but none like this. I could go to the other life with my dad, and spend the rest of my life with him until my mom joins us. Or I could go back to the real world where my only friend Casey is, my always worried mom, and another friend that just got up left is still there. I’d like to say goodbye. I thought about it some more, I did in fact promise every chance I get to leave this place I should for good. As I was standing there rumbling through my thoughts and actions, I was interrupted by someone yelling at me.
   “There isn’t much time my love, you have to choose now” My dad said yelling at me.
    “What’s happening to you? Why are you fading away?” I asked in a panic.
   “There bringing you back, and apart of you is still holding on but if you let go you come with me.” My dad stated with his hand out suggesting I take it.
   I wanted to take his hand I really did but I have so much life to live still once again I’m only 19. My dad was right I need to make my decision fast because I don’t have much time left at all.
   “I’m sorry dad, but I have to go back its just more things to do, I love you” I said eventually fading away also.
   “I love you too sweetie, I’ll be watching over you” My dad said
   With that we both disappeared from each other and like the very beginning everything went black, but this time it felt good I know everything should be okay. I mean I finally got to see my dad again after a very long time even though it was a short period of time that I was him I’m still happy I got to hear his voice. I wish I would have asked how and where did he died? It just feels good to know that he’s watching over me and happy that I chose life.

   I can now feel my whole body as I start to wake up a little. I smell the fresh hospital bed and I hear the machine that beeps every time I breathe that indicates that I’m alive. I was just about to wake until I heard a very familiar voice that just made me want to jump up, smile and dance, but I didn’t. I just have to make sure it was the person I truly want it to be.
   “Vanessa, this is not what I meant when I said promise me you’ll leave this place.”
   It was him, it was Jack I knew it. When he said promise it was almost like he was crying. I’m guessing he thinks I won’t make it but little does he know I can wake up any minute if I really wanted to.
   “I-I uh-I have some old pictures of us and.., oh who am I kidding that’s now why I’m here. No I’m here to say that-that I’m sorry for leaving you I” Jack started crying really hard he couldn’t even finish the sentence.
   “When my dad and your mom got divorced I just, I just thought it’d be weird to continue to be friends, and I tried to call I really did, Vanessa just please come back and I promise you I will never leave your side.” Jack stated
   At this point he’s shaking me and holding my hand begging me to wake up. Honestly I do want to wake up but as always my thoughts are holding me back. He broke my trust, he’s the reason I’m sort of soft now, and he’s the reason I’m even in this mess too busy thinking about him. Then again out of all the bad things he has done I really miss him and I am glad he’ back. I squeezed his hand hopefully he gets that I’m awake and heard everything he said. I decided that it’s finally time to get up and see if this was real and that it’s not my imagination messing with me again like the gas station.
   “You’re okay? How are you feeling?” Jack asked wiping away his tears.
   “I feel very faint and hurt, what happened?” I asked sitting up some more.
   “You got hit by a semi-truck, he wasn’t paying attention, he had alcohol in his system and it was way over the legal limit.” Jack said
   “How does my car look?’ I asked
   “Extremely bad, the doctors said you’re lucky to be alive, but hey let’s not worry about that.” Jack said laughing a little
   I looked around my hospital room and saw my mother’s coat...
   “Where’s my mom?” I asked
   “She went to get the Nurse and the doctor too I believe, I texted he and told her that your leg needs a new bandage.” Jack said
    I looked down at my leg to see a bloody bandage wrapped around my leg and the more I looked at it the more it hurt. I must have really been messed up yet, sadly I can’t remember anything. 15 minutes of awkward silence between me and jack until finally someone knocked on the door.
   “Come in” Jack said
  Three people came in the room, a doctor, a nurse, and my mom.
   “Hey, Ms. Brown, I’m your doctor Leo and this is Nurse Jan” Dr.Leo said
    Nurse Jan came over to me and started taking the bandages off to replace with a fresh one and my mom sat next to Jack. I was going to watch Jann put on the bandage but Dr.Leo had a few questions for me and I had questions for him.
   “So tell me how you are feeling?” Dr.Leo asked
   “Well my leg stings really badly, my head hurts, and I feel really sore. If you don’t mind me asking but what exactly happened to me?” I asked
   “Well when you came in here you had a humongous piece of glass in your leg and that’s why the bandage is there, trauma to your head , many scratches and bruises to your arms, legs, and face.” Dr.Leo said with no expression once so ever.
    Jack was definitely right with all that stuff I am lucky to be alive. I’m starting to wonder what my car looks like now.
    “How long will she be in here for?” My mom asked
    “We have to run a few tests, prescribe her some medicine to keep the pain away and with all that she should be out by tomorrow, but I need you to come and sign a couple papers for me please.” Dr.Leo told my mom
   My mom, Dr.Leo, and Nurse Jan left the room to all talk privately. Then it was only me and Jack in the room alone together. I did not plan on saying anything until Jack spoke up.
   “Are you mad at me? Do you hate me?” He asked
   “I was I did but then I realized you weren’t coming back so I got over it.” I said
   “I never stopped thinking about you.” Jack said
   “Then why didn’t you call, text, email or at least send a letter? And you know what he worst part is? When you got inside your dads car you didn’t look back you couldn’t look back at me for one second.” I screamed at him letting all my anger out.
   “Vanessa, I waited for you in Florida. Every day I would drive up to your college and ask everyone if you were there and they said you’ve never even showed up. Your right I should have contacted you but I knew you were hurt and that you never wanted to hear from me again.” Jack said.
   I started to cry because I had no idea that he was waiting for me yet I was sitting here waiting for him, we were waiting for each other. As I was crying Jack got up and hugged me, and I have to say I really missed his hugs.
   “Vanessa, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, please forgive me? I love you.” Jack said
   “I forgive you, and I love you too” I said

   It’s now 3 years later and I have one more year left of college. I go to the University of Florida and majored in accounting and I could say I’m doing pretty well. Me and Jack have an apartment together he goes to school online and works at the local pharmacy while I work at my Aunts bakery that’s always packed and everyone loves my cupcakes because of the secret recipe I use. They found my dad’s body peacefully lying in the woods somewhere near Texas. The people at the morgue said he died of natural causes he left a note for me and my mom. I still haven’t read mine yet and I don’t plan to read it either I’ll read it when the time is right I just know it.  We didn’t have a funeral and I’m actually kind of happy we didn’t my dad couldn’t stand them anyway. I still haven’t told anyone that I talked to him because well I feel that it’s not important anymore. People say that I should'.t be that way but I don as bad as it might sound that’s just how I feel. Every day I stare at the scar on my leg and am thankful that I lived that crash that night. Jack and my mom wanted to press charges on the man who hit me Casey on the other hand wanted me to do what I felt like doing. So instead of pressing charges I just had him buy me a new car and made sure his license was suspended. Jack and I have never been happier together I love him with all my heart, and whatever life has to offer to us we will get through it together and that’s a promise.



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