To most people, my friends, well, old friends now, are goth. But we like to think of it as nothing. We are just being who we really are. I really have no friends here though. I only have one real friend. His name is Jason and we are about the same age. Our birthdays are only a couple of weeks apart. He is a sophomore because he never stayed back. He is older and he is like my brother.
“Hey Saph,” I don’t know why he calls me ‘Saph.’ “Do you ever eat?” I never ate lunch at school. The food is repulsive.
“Jay, you know I never eat the school food. But when I get home, I pig out.” I made ‘school food’ sound like it was the worst thing in the world. To me, it really was.
“Ah. Hey, um… I have a question.” We may be, as others call us, goth, but we were pretty energetic people.
I was hoping that he would ask me to the upcoming dance. It is the homecoming dance any way. I really liked him but I didn’t think that he likes me. “Anything Jay. You know you don’t have to ask.”
“What are you doing this afternoon?” He shoved a chicken patty into his mouth. I wanted to throw up.
“Nothin’ much. Going home and eating. My mom and step-father are on vacation so I got the house to myself. Why? What’s up?” I got the house to myself for two months. Hell to the yes.
“I was just wondering if I could come over today. I got a surprise for you and a couple movies for us to watch.” He always comes over so that we can watch movies. We can’t stand horror movies though. We love romances. Ironic, right?
“Sure.  I got the house to myself for two months so we are all set.”
“Two months?! God, where do they go?” It’s not unusual for them to go on vacation together.
“Oh, they went to the Bahamas. Some career expo s***. Ya’ Know?” Better them being there than here. “Hey, I have a question for you.”
“Anything Sapphire. Ya’ know that.” He giggled. God, I love his smile and his laugh. It’s just too adorable.
“Um…I know you don’t usually go to them…but I was wondering if you were going to the Homecoming dance?” I felt the blood rush to my pale cheeks. I looked down at the table to try to hide them from him.
“I wasn’t planning on it but if there are freshmen there, I could terrorize them. “ Jason was 5’6 and he used to lift weights so he’s huge. Pretty intimidating too. Ha-ha. “Why? Are you planning on going?”
“Yeah…but only if you were. I feel like an outcast if I went without anyone I knew.” I brought my mouth up into a little smirk, not thinking that he’d see it.
He then moved to my side of the table and sat right next to me. “You are not an outcast. Look at me.” He put his hand underneath my chin and pulled my face up ever so gently. “You are not an outcast so stop thinking that.” He then kissed my forehead. He always did that to show that he cared about me.
After lunch, the day dragged on. I could not stop thinking about him all day. He said he had a surprise for me when he came over.

At the end of the day, I walked home. I only lived right across from the school so I only had to cross a street. When I walked into my house, I put my bag in my room and plopped down on my couch. About half an hour later, Jay came over. He had a bag of movies and something else with him. I didn’t know what it was. It was in a small bag but I tried to stop myself from looking at it for too long.
“Hey, as is I said, I got a surprise for you. Go sit on the couch while I make you something to eat. I’ll give it to you when the food is done.” He put the bag of movies down on the couch and walked into the kitchen.
I got curious and started looking through the movies. As soon as I grabbed the bag, he was next to me with a plate of dino nuggets. He knows me well enough that he knows my favorites. He also grabbed a box of juice boxes. “No, no, no. The movies are for later. Let’s eat now and I’ll let you look through them after.”  He moved the bag of movies to the floor and sat down next to me. Before we started to eat he grabbed the small bag off of the floor.
I probably look funny when I have a look of a monkey seeing a vehicle for the first time on my face. I didn’t even realize I was making a face until he looked at me and laughed.
“What are you laughing at?” I was trying not to laugh myself but it didn’t work.
“Oh nothing. Nothing at all. Close your eyes and put your hand out.” I did as he said and I waited nervously. All of a sudden I feel a long box in my hands. I was thinking of things that it could be. But I really had no idea. “Okay, open your eyes now.”
I opened my eyes and looked at him. “Go ahead Sapphire, open it up.” I slowly opened it up and I gasped. It was a necklace that I have wanted for years. I felt my eyes water and I quickly gave him a huge hug. I wanted to kiss him but I didn’t. “I take it you like it?”
“I…I…I love it Jay. Thank you so much.” He put the necklace on me and the chain fell ever so perfectly onto my neck. On the chain was a crystal heart. Engraved inside the heart were the words ‘I love you forever and always’.
After eating our dino nuggets, we put in the movie. He let me pick the movie. I decided that we were going to watch Twilight. We absolutely loved the romance between Edward and Bella. He put in the movie and got back onto the couch. I curled up on his side like I normally do. About half way through the movie, I noticed he was looking at me in a very different way then normal. I acted like I didn’t notice. I couldn’t focus on the movie so I got up to go to the bathroom.
“Do you want me to pause it for you sweetie?” Sweetie? He never called me that. Something was off.
“Um…no thanks. You can keep watching it. I’ll be right out.” I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I took a wet facecloth and wiped my face being careful that I won’t hit my hair. It takes forever to get it how it is. I fixed my makeup and took my anxiety pills and went back to finish the movie. When I got back to the couch, he was texting someone. I wasn’t really worried so I sat next to him and curled back up. About twenty minutes later, I fell asleep on his side.
I woke up a couple hours later to find the movie had ended and he was asleep too. I sat up and stretched. “Hey there sleepy head.” His voice sounded so cute when he just wakes up. “Did you enjoy the movie?”
“I always do. What time is it?” I had no idea how long we were out for.
“Um,” he looked at his phone. “Eleven P.M. We slept pretty long.” He stretched, stood up and headed for the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, I took out the movie, put it back into its case and put the television on its regular channel.
After a couple of minutes he came out looking like he had never slept today. “Does this mean that you have to leave now?” I really didn’t want him to leave. I love being around him more than anything.
“Well, it is Friday. I just have to go call my mom to let her know. But I’m going to tell her that I’m going over a different friend’s house. She would never let me stay here.” Yay! He was going to stay.
I headed for my room to change into pajamas while he called his parents. When I opened my pajama draw, I found a spider crawling around. I yelled ew and jumped back onto my bed. A  minute later, he was knocking on my door. I told him to come in and told him about the spider. He started to laugh and he said that my arachnophobia was cute.
He grabbed the spider and took it outside. He then came back into my room after I changed. “Do you want to watch another movie or play a board game or something?” He sat next to me on my bed.
“Um, sure. You hungry? ‘cause I know I definitely am.” We both laughed when we heard my stomach growl. After a minute or two of just sitting there, Jay got up and left the room.
After I fixed my hair and made sure that nothing was showing, I went into the kitchen to find Jason heating up more Dino nuggets. I giggled and looked through the movies. When he came back with the food, I pulled out The Notebook. “How’s this movie? Wanna watch it again?”
He sat down next to me and put the food on the table. “I’m willing to watch anything right now. I know that you are just gonna fall asleep again. Haha.”  His laugh was so cute.
I smiled and got up to put the movie in. All of a sudden, my hips got really warm. Jay had grabbed them and spun me around. He looked at me for a minute and I saw him lean in a little. I looked deep into his eyes as our lips wrapped around each other’s. It’s like they were made for each other. After a minute of kissing, I heard him say real softly that he loves me.
I put the movie in while he sat back down on the couch. After I flipped through the channels to find the right one, I sat next to him. Once again, I curled up on the side of him and he fed me a chicken nugget. I giggled when he made it look like two dino nuggets were fighting. He was so cute when he tried to entertain me.
When the movie ended, I noticed that he fell asleep. He really likes to sleep. But he always looked so peaceful when he slept. I figured that I might as well sleep too. So I curled up and fell asleep.

When I woke up, he was already awake and making breakfast. I sat up and looked into the kitchen.
“Good morning sleepyhead.” He laughed and cracked two eggs into a bowl of pancake mix. I stood up and stretched out. I slowly made my way into the kitchen and sat down at the island. He looked at me as he mixed the pancake batter. I looked back at him and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I was so happy that he loved me.
I went into my bedroom to get dressed. I put on a different pair of pajama pants and a baggy sweatshirt. I then went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I came out, I sat back down at the island and Jay put a plate of pancakes in front of me. He then got himself some and sat down next to me. We ate our pancakes and talked about my parents not being here.
“Oh Jay, my grandfather will be coming by to check up on me. You will have to hide while he is here.” He always comes to check on me when I’m alone and I told him I would never have friends over without my mom’s permission.
“Where am I supposed to go?” He shoved a huge chunk of pancake into his mouth and said ‘chubby bunny’. We both started to laugh after he swallowed it.
“I don’t know yet. The best place would probably be in my room. My grandpa never goes in there and as long as you’re quiet, he wouldn’t suspect anything.” The thought of him being in my room kind of scared me. I don’t know why.
“Maybe it would be the best.” I had a feeling that he would go through my stuff but I just shook that feeling off.
We then finished our pancakes and he kissed me again. I got up to clean up but he told me to sit down. He said he didn’t want me to do anything that I didn’t have to. Sometimes, I’m thankful that we moved here.
I stood up and walked into the parlor and flopped down on the couch. I felt the necklace charm flop up and then down onto my chest. I smiled when I felt it hit. Just to know that he got the only thing I’ve ever wanted made me really happy.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the television. I flipped through the channels as Jay finished cleaning up. Of course nothing was on…as usual. So I found my movie stash and put in the Wizard of Oz.
When he finished cleaning, he came and sat down next to me on the couch. We just looked at each other. It looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t.
“What do you want to say? I can tell that you want to say something.” All I did was look deeply into his eyes.
“I have nothing to say. You are so beautiful and perfect that I’m speechless.” I blushed and looked down at my wrist.
The day before yesterday, I cut myself. I didn’t want to live anymore. But now I do. I have Jason here for me.
He then grabbed my wrist and I flinched a little bit. The cuts were not that deep but they hurt quite a bit.
He had a puzzled look on his face when he saw me flinch. He let go of my wrist and I put it up against my chest.
“Sapphire, why did you flinch when I grabbed your wrist hun?” I always wore long sleeved jackets so nobody saw anything.
I surely did not want to tell him that I attempted to kill myself. My eyes started to water as he moved closer to me.
“Baby, let me see. Please. I love you and I care about you. A lot.” I hesitated but I eventually slowly put my arm out. He grabbed my hand and rolled up my sleeve. He looked at the cuts and then up at me. I had tears rolling down my face and makeup running at this point.
He then moved closer and held me as close as he could. But I could not stop crying. Somehow, I muttered a ‘I love you’ through the huge tear barrier.
After about five minutes of crying, I stopped. I looked up at him and asked if he was mad at me.
“How could I be mad at someone that I’m in love with?” I started to cry again. “When did you do this?”
“Two days ago…” I felt his hand find its way into mine. “But it hurts more than any other time...” I faded out when I realized what I was saying. He never knew that I cut. I just wanted to cry again. I got up and ran into my bedroom crying and shut the door. A minute or two later, I heard him knocking on the door.
“Baby, just calm down. I’m not mad. Can I come in?” I just sat there on my bed crying.
Eventually he came in and sat next to me. I felt like a horrible person for not telling him. After a minute of just sitting there, he grabbed my hand and kissed it. “Baby, I’m not mad. But I do not want to see any more of this. Come on; let’s go make sure this is clean.” He stood up and pulled me up against him. “I love you.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you a lot sooner.” I sniffled as I followed him into the bathroom. I sat down on the sink while he looked for hydrogen peroxide in the cupboard. After a minute or so, he turned around and put a little bit of hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton swab and rolled up my sleeve again.

“This might hurt a little bit baby. But we need to make sure it’s clean.” He kissed me then dabbed the swab all over my cuts. It burned and it stung but he held my hand. A couple minutes later, he rinsed off my arm and wrapped it in gauze. I felt horrible for doing this and not telling.
He noticed the look on my face. The I’m-a-horrible-person look. He lifted my chin up and kissed me. “Baby, I am not mad at you. I’m happy that you told me now than never. Just please, promise me that if you ever feel the need to cut, you will call or text.”
“I will. I promise.” I rolled down my sleeve and hopped down from the sink. I started walking towards the living room when he grabbed my hand and walked with me.
When we got into the living room he stopped me right in front of the couch. He grabbed my hips and pulled me really close. He then bent down and a second later, we were deep in kiss. I put my arms around his neck while he moved his hands down to my ass. We were making out at this point. I then felt his hand go up to my sides underneath my shirt. I have been waiting for this to happen forever.
When we finally finished making out, he told me to sit down on the couch. So I did. He then walked into the kitchen. After a couple of minutes, he came back without his shirt on.
“You need AC, it is way too hot. I just ordered a pizza. Should be here soon.” I had to agree with him that it was hot. He sat down but I couldn’t stop staring at his stomach. A perfect six-pack. I pretty much died inside. I then decided to take of my sweatshirt. I threw it behind the couch and climbed into his lap. I don’t know why but I absolutely loved to be in his lap.
I came very close to falling asleep until the doorbell rang. It was the pizza. I got up and paid for the pizza. I took it and brought it into the living room. In not even a minute, we both were eating a piece.
When we finished, I actually realized how hot it was. I got up and told him that I am going to go change. I ran into my room and grabbed a pair of short shorts and switched into them. I also found a very loose shirt and put that on.
When I got out there, he was standing up. I walked over to him and he grabbed in a tickle hug. I fell down on the couch and he sat next to me. I curled up against his side while he flipped through the television channels. He eventually found “Marriage Boot Camp” and then kissed me on the head.
  2 months later:
Everything had gone the same for two months. We would watch movies and cuddle. Plus, he stopped me from cutting a few times.
Today, my mom came home. When she walked in, she saw us cuddling on the couch.
“I had a feeling that you would be here Jay. Oh, what a nice necklace.” It seems to be that she doesn’t even care that we are together. She also doesn’t seem to care that he was here without her permission. I got up and gave her a huge hug. She told me she missed me and that she has a present for me. She told me to go sit with Jason and she will be right in. I sat down with Jason and he pulled me onto his lap.
A couple of seconds later, she walked back in holding a box. It was the size of a book. I opened it up but didn’t pull it out. I wanted to cry and flip out on her but I did not. It was a complete set of five skull switchblades. The one thing I didn’t need was knives. “Thanks mom. I love them.” I gave her kiss and Jason followed me into my room. I placed the knives in a lockbox and gave the key to Jason.
“Why are you giving me the key? And why did you lock up the knives?” I figured that if they were locked up, the urge wouldn’t come.
“Just trust me babe. Don’t tell my mom that I locked them up and do not lose that key.” I felt like I was going to cry so I hugged him tightly. He returned the hug tighter and kissed me.
“You shouldn’t do that. I understand why you are but you don’t need to. I’m here.” I sat on my bed and debated on whether or not to take them out. “I can hold onto the key if you feel that you might slip up.” He sat down next to me and put the key on his keys.  I just really didn’t want anything to happen.
“Thank you.” I couldn’t really think of anything to say so I stood up and went back to the couch.