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Real of Fantasy?

Melanie P.
Real of Fantasy?
Summary: Its about a girl Shelby who is obsessed with work. She gets dragged out to a party by her friend and when they arrive there her friend ditches here. Alone a mysterious man(Dane) comes and forces here to take a spontaneous side of herself that she didn't know she had. When she wakes up from a nights sleep the man is gone and she wonders if the amazing night and guy she met was real or just a fantasy.



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TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 27, 2014 at 11:58 am
I'm just gonna tell you in advance; I write my comments live so they are often pretty lengthy. So here we go. The first few sentences are really... Hooking. Make me UNABLE to look away from your story. Also please use the correct punctuation. You might want to develop the Shelby's character a bit more before you launch into the party... I suggest showing more of her work-y side just to better form the character. Also, describe your setting a bit better. I didn't even know she was at work until s... (more »)
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 27, 2014 at 11:58 am
*the first few sentences ARENT really hooking.
 

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