More Than Feelings | Teen Ink

More Than Feelings

February 15, 2014
By Laura Castro BRONZE, Sterling, Virginia
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Laura Castro BRONZE, Sterling, Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

How am I supposed to say goodbye to my other half? I don’t think there is an easy way to look at your best friend and know that after tomorrow you are not going to see him everyday. All those days hanging out at each other’s house, laughing about nothing in particular are going to end after today. I have been dreading this day since the moment he sat next to me in physics, and I first felt the rightness of being with him. I have always known our fate.
See, today is my best friend James's last day before he goes back to his homeland for college. Yesterday we hung out with our other friends, laughing and enjoying every minute we had left before the goodbye. According to James, he wants his last afternoon to just be him and his princess. I can feel the hole that is forming in my heart from thinking about it. He is leaving me. We have always known that his future belonged in Ireland, not here with me in New York. He needed to be with his family, they were everything to him so I am happy. Really, I am, but I will miss him terribly.
We became best friends earlier this year after our physics teacher moved him next to me. From that very first lab together where we both have had no idea what to do because I had zoned out and he had falling asleep, I knew that we were going to be great friends. We became best friends like people do in kindergarten when you just meet a person and things fall together. Being James’s friend was as simple to me as living.
He arrives at one with two large pizzas and two bags of cool ranch Doritos.
"Wow J, don't you think you went a little overboard with the food?" I ask him taking the Doritos from his hand. When he hears me, he dramatically holds his hand in front of his mouth and makes the fakest gasp I have ever heard.

"First of all its, me and you we are talking about princess. You know we will finish all this without a problem. Second and most importantly, you can never have too much food," he tells me putting the pizzas down and giving me a disappointed look.
"Oh you’re right, my bad," I tell him laughing and playfully slapping his arm. "So what movie do you want to watch?"
"Well, I was thinking that we could have a Batman marathon," he says giving me a goofy grin. I smile. Its like he reads my mind.
We spend the next hours watching movies on my couch, laughing and of course eating. By the time 8 o'clock comes around we are sitting having a very serious conversation. "All I am saying is that Batman is the best super hero in the world," I say as I eat a chip, "other people think that it is Superman, but come on we all know its Batman."
"But Superman has powers. He is freaking superman," James teases smiling. 

"Don't start with me, O’Brien," I threaten, "there are a bunch of reasons why Batman is better."

"Really? And what might those be Acosta?" James responds raising his eyebrow. 

"First, he has no freaking super powers, but still kicks butt. Second, he is a player okay? Like dang, that guy has some game. Third, he is able to take on any person even Superman himself. He is awesome okay? His power is the power of awesomeness and money. What else can you ask for?" I say smiling at him. 

James is about to respond, but his phone rings. "Hello...hey mum...with Laura...okay....yeah I mean I already packed so.....that’s true....but I want to stay here longer....fine....okay I’ll be there soon. Love you," he says into the phone. When he hangs up he looks up and gives me a sad smile. "I have to go. Early flight tomorrow and my mum wants me to get enough sleep."

I look down, ignoring the sadness that fills me. It is time for goodbyes. "That’s okay James. I totally understand, early flights suck," I say trying to control my emotions.
We stand up and walk to the door. We stand there for a moment, not knowing what to say. His hand goes into the pocket of his hoodie, and I can't help but notice that he looks like he is trying to decide something. I decide to let it slide. "So this is goodbye huh?" I say, my eyes filling with tears.
He looks at me and pulls me in for a warm hug. I hug him back resting my head on the crook of his neck. I feel my stomach twist like it always does when he touches me, but instead of ignoring it like I always do, I embrace it by pulling him closer to me. I take in his smell, the rightness of having him next to me. We stand there hugging each other for some time. We don't talk. It’s easier not to.
He lets me go way too soon. His eyes meet mine and I can see tears in them.
"I'm gonna miss you, so much. You’re my best friend," he tells me. I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

"Me too James. How am I supposed to live without you?" I ask.

"Hey, don't worry. This isn't a goodbye. I am gonna make sure you come visit me," he says wiping the tear away. He gives me a smile. "You will always be my best friend. Forever." He leans over and kisses my forehead. He opens the door and steps out.
I watch him walk away and I swear time slows down. My mind starts racing. I go over all of our relationship. My mind finally puts two and two together. Suddenly the truth hits me like a ton of bricks. Everything suddenly makes sense; why I always felt so comfortable with him, why my heart stops when I hear his laugh. I am deeply and foolishly in love with James O’Brien.
"James wait!" I call out before I can stop myself. I watch him turn around. His eyes are red. I know he is crying. I run over to him.

"What’s wrong princess?" he asks, looking worried. 

"We are the stupidest people in the world...all this time we have tried to ignore it but...we are perfect for each other James...I am sick of hiding it...I am sick of not telling you the truth cause I...."
Before I can finish, James quickly puts his arm around my waist. He leans over fast and kisses me. As soon as our lips meet, I feel this amazing electricity run through me. I feel like I am floating. You know how people always say that sometimes when you kiss a person you feel fireworks? Well, when I kissed him I felt a million fireworks go off in my mind. It felt so right. His lips fit mine perfectly.
He pulls away and smiles. "I'm in love with you Isabel," he tells me and my heart leaps. "I fell for you since the moment that I sat next to you in science, and I have fallen more and more everyday. I love you."

"James, I love you too so much. I..." I start but can't find the right words to express how I feel. Instead I lean over and kiss him again.
In the kiss everything is explained. I know he knows how I feel. I don't care about anything at that moment. Not the past or the future, just the present with James's arms around my waist and mine around his neck. In that moment, I am living my own fairytale where I am the princess and James is my prince. James is my happily ever after.
We spend the night at my house. James's mom lets him stay after he promises to go to sleep early. He doesn't, of course. Instead we spent the whole night laughing, kissing and watching movies. We fall asleep in each other's arms.
We wake up when his alarm goes off. After making it shut up, he smiles at me. 
"Good morning beautiful," he says leaning over and giving me a quick kiss.
"Good morning to you too handsome," I say back smiling. He leans in again, but this time I stand up before he can kiss me. "Oh no you don't. You have to catch a flight, remember? Now go upstairs and shower. I have some clothes of yours in my closet." He pouts but does as he's told.
As James takes a shower, I start to clean up my living room. When I pick up his hoodie, a black box falls out of the pocket. I pick it up. Why would James have a ring? James comes back at that moment. He is all ready. When he sees me holding the box, he gets pale. 
"James, what is this?" I ask him, "well, more importantly, who is it for?"

"Ummm...well..." He starts scratching the back his neck and looking nervous. "Its for you...I wanted to give it to you yesterday but I got nervous. I guess I forgot about it after we kissed." 
I look at the box in my hands and raise an eyebrow. James reaches over and takes it from me. "Close your eyes," he says.
When I do, I feel him take my hand and slide the ring on. I open my eyes to see the cutest ring I have ever seen. I hold it up to get a closer look and notice that something is engraved on the inside. I take it off to see. It says ‘You will always be my princess, love James’. I put it back on, and smile at him.

"Its a promise ring," he starts, "because for this moment on I promise that I will always be your best friend and, well, if I am lucky enough, something else. I promise that I will always love you." He finishes taking my hand and kissing the ring on my finger.

"James I love it," I say. That’s when the idea hits me. I know that he is my soul mate. I know that I will never stop loving him. So why not test it out? "Are you willing to do something crazy?"

"With you, anything," he says. He smiles at me but raises his eyebrow, curious about what I mean.
"I was thinking. We have a love/hate relationship with fate. When we first met, everything was set for us to be together, but we ignored our feelings. Then fate kept trying to put us together, but we always ignored it. Now that we do want to be together, fate is breaking us up," I say. He nods. "I want to try something. I am sure that we will meet again. So why don't we let fate be the one to bring us together again?"
"What do you mean?" James asks, confused.
"Let’s not contact each other after today. Let’s erase anyway we have to keep in touch. Let’s completely separate except for the memories, wait for fate to put us together. When we meet again it will be because fate has decided that our time has come. The timing will be perfect. I know its crazy James, but just look at it like the last experiment we do together." 
He looks doubtful for a second before he smiles and nods.
"Let’s do it,” he says smiling.
For the next ten minutes, James and me erase any way to contact the other. We erase all phone numbers, unfriend on facebook and unfollow on twitter. We make a pack to not try and contact the other, and just let fate do its job.
When we finish, we walk outside. Now it’s really time to say goodbye for God knows how long. I can't help but start to cry. 
"Hey, don't cry princess. This isn't goodbye remember? We are gonna meet again," James says. I nod. He leans over and kisses me for a long time. When we break away, James kisses the tip of my nose and my cheeks. I giggle.

"I love you Belle," he tells me smiling.

"I love you too J," I say back. He leans in and kisses me one more time. We press our foreheads together when we break away. 

"I will wait for you as long as I have to princess," he tells me smiling.

"Hopefully you won't have to wait that long," I tell him. He starts to lean in again but I stop him. "No. No more kisses leprechaun. Leave before I lock you in my closet and keep you here forever." 

He smiles and says, "Is that a threat or a promise?" I give him the ‘don't mess with me’ look and he laughs. "Fine, I’ll go."
He walks over to his car and before he gets in, he looks at me. "See you later," he says. For a moment, I feel like I am back in time in the moment when I first said goodbye to James in science.
"Most definitely," I respond like I did that day. He smiles at me and gets in the car. He drives away leaving me behind. I stare at the car until it is out of view. I feel my heart shatter in my chest. It was up to fate when we were going to meet again.



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