June 23, 2011



Dear Someone,


Well today the marching band played for the graduation, and there goes the start of another day-wasting marching season. Oh sorry but I forgot to mention that I'm part of the marching band, and I play 1st Clarinet. Nothing truly too important to brag about. But, next week is the recruiting meeting for this upcoming season. Imagine a room filled with over 100 people made for a capacity of like 70.

Nothing in marching band is great except if someone makes it that way. Marching band is like a mini high school containing its little cliques with an ambiance full of uncertainty, and carelessness. I really get laughter because it is a place where I wouldn’t stick my nose in. Yet I fall into the same place every year, weird isn’t it?


Love, now and always,
Axel

June 30, 2011

Dear Someone,



The day of the meeting arrived; I was assigned to gather all the prospective clarinet members. As I was going forward to them all I saw were the faces of frustration, fear, and excitement. You see the newly coming rookies saw my band director as the meanest person alive, therefore they had no choice but to fear for their lives. It was a really funny spectacle to see.

So the meeting progressed and as usual it was boring and not at all entertaining. However during the meeting I bumped into a girl! Yes it was a girl, so interesting at its feet, but whilst interesting she seemed estranged with what actually was going on at the meeting. She did not know what instrument to exactly choose.

"Hey do you know what instrument is fun to join?"
"Of course the clarinets" as we both laughed.
"I'm serious, we are awesome"
Not really though, but in between you and me not much exciting is within my section, rather much the opposite. You see there's somewhat of a spice when it comes to my section.

But to continue with the girl I saw, I felt bad because I honestly wanted her to join section. Thereafter, my band director said that we will have this second annual summer "music and theatre" program! Such a helter-skelter it was to have this program organize. And that was that.

Love, now and always,
Axel




July 7, 2011

Dear Someone,

Well the summer program has started and it's coming about to its first week, and it's nice to teach the newcomers. I feel like this year the newcomers engage more in their learning of this year's marching show.

There's not much to discuss honestly. I'm sorry that recently my entries have been very much so daunting.

Love, now and always,
Axel




July 13, 2011

Dear Someone,

Well so far my summer is going off well, I have a nice job with people I find as my family, well noticing that I have my brother who works with me.

Today I was walking to the summer program as usual but something different happened to me, I found out that the girl who I wanted to join my section joined the front ensemble (or as we call the pit). As I entered the door she was there with her other girl friends who seem so weird at the side of her. I tell you she is so strange. But it's the kind of strange that was okay among the rest of the world.

So I guess that worked with me.

"I like your shirt."
"Thank you."
And that's all she said to me that day, and it was enough to make me walk with a smile on my face! I tell you it felt so warm when she spoke to me. I made it seem like it didn't mean much to me but it really did.


Sadly I still don't know her name, but I will soon. I promise.

Love, now and always,
Axel




July 19, 2011

Dear Someone,



Rather than discuss how today went, let me just say that nothing seemed to be different. I got up, and then went to the summer program, then work, finally home. Rather than describe the people I talked to today, let me just say that their not at all different. They are boring, girls talk about girls, boys will be boys, and the rest of the world have nothing else to chat about; so they just sit in a chair and wait for life to bring them any entertainment. Everyone seemed to be struck by vivacity, while I just lay in my corner.



When I got home my dad was watching his usual new, in the usual channel, with the usual face expression. My mom just finished washing the dishes. Everyone had already eaten dinner except for me. My mother served me “frijoles” (that’s beans) with a piece of steak. I do say that my mother is an exceptionally well cook. I love when she makes pasta, because she gives this soft texture in the pasta that I truly never understood. I just love when my mom cooks. The only sad thing is that my family and I never really ate together ever since I was 13.



“Do you like it? Is it too salty or do you need anything else to be added”


“No mom it’s fine. I love your cooking you know that.”


She gave me a pat on my shoulder and a kiss on my cheeks. That was a feeling I haven’t felt in a while. I kept quiet and while looking at her I smiled and said “I love you.” And that was the wrap up of my day. It was not all exciting but I tell you that my mom made me feel happy again.

Love, now and always,
Axel

July 28, 2011

Dear Someone,



It’s 1 o’clock in the morning. Sorry for having you listen at this time, I did not mean it. Really I’m sorry!

I had the weirdest dream or nightmare not sure what it was. The thing is, that I dreamt me as a little kid and I saw myself trapped in a cage but the strange part is that the cage was surrounded in walls of rose petals. And every time I blinked, the color of the petals changed, from red to yellow and from yellow to pink. Different assortment of colors, all beautiful.

“Why was I trapped in the first place?”
“Who wanted me trapped?”
“Why do the colors of the petals keep on changing?

I kept asking out loud but no one would respond. Little and little my dream made no sense to me but maybe just maybe it meant something to somebody else. I then woke up and here I am writing this. My window started to make screeching noises, the ones like you hear when a teacher rubs the chalk too hard against the blackboard.


It is a very annoying noise to hear. I do not like this dream one bit. Sorry to had wasted your time once more.

Love, now and always,
Axel




August 4, 2011

Dear Someone,



There have been times where you feel sad but truly you have no idea as to why you are sad. Or maybe it was just one of those bypasses that suddenly you feel and then it goes away.

Today that is how I felt. Honestly, it is getting quite repetitive. Annoying actually. It’s like you try to find your place, your moment but you just don’t know where to look or if it even exists, you just know it’s there.



I tried to talk to my sister about it, she had no response. Here is the thing, my sister is the kind of girl who is never sad, and nothing hurts her. Maybe she has no feelings, or maybe I have not figured her out yet.

What she offered was a failure to communicate with anyone who wasn’t her “friends’. Although she’s younger than me, I feel that she’s so much mature than that of her age group. I can’t deny I love my sister a lot, and the last time I ever hugged her was in a corner and even that she doesn’t like “public hugs”. There are even times when she doesn’t want to hug me in family reunions.

Well I just hope throughout the summer or the beginning of school things change. Or I will shoot myself, not literally.
But literally.

Love, now and always,
Axel

August 20, 2011

Dear Someone,


I am truly sorry for not being able to write to you! Honestly I feel bad. There has just been so much that happened since my last letter that made me very busy.

Incidentally, I figured that my sister is not at all the trick to figure out. You see it was my grandmother’s birthday and she came over from Mexico to celebrate. While at the brandy, I could notice that my sister was drinking more than she was supposed to, discreetly of course, then she came towards me as if she had something harsh to say. But all she said,


“Axel?”

“Yes, Kim. What’s up?”

“I need to tell you something that I feel I haven’t told you in a long time.”

“Continue.”

“I f*ing hate you.”

“I will always love you too brat.”

“Stay cool, bro. Remember there are idiots that follow you.”

“Not including you sis.”

Then we both laughed, because for the first time in a long time, my sister and I exchanged sincere affections. She meant it. I just knew it, it felt right and longing.


Secondly, the band’s summer program has come to an end. The rookies have truly come a long way since they first feared for their lives back at the meeting. The clarinets have especially made remarkable progress, being that they were the more “slow in apprehension” of the show. But looking at them now, I couldn’t be more proud of them. The section leaders are even content. Everyone is.


In apparent to the band, remember the girl that joined the pit, well she now talks to me. And ever since then she’s been complimenting on my shirts. Honestly I was tired of faking of not liking her compliments, because no one else ever did. I remember one day when the program ended she was with her weird friends and she was trying to climb this wooden track near the wall of the high school. She climbed it and looked like if she was in shock. It was a cute vision. If I were to ever tell her that she would probably look at me weird, so let’s just keep it between you and me.


“Hey nice shirt”

“Thank you, nice shirt too.” I reclaimed. It was I nice shirt.

“See you later”

“See you.” And that was it.

She then a few days later messaged me over Facebook (a social network). It was quite awkward at first, because I didn’t know why she would message me. Until she asked,


“Hey, you’re Axel right? You play the clarenit. Sorry don’t know if I spelled it right?”

“Hello. Yes I am Axel. And its spelled clarinet, but you were close”

“Hahaha thank you, so what’s up?”

“Nothing much, about to go to work”

“That’s cool.”

“Yes. Hey why don’t you give me your number and I’ll text you.”

She then gave me her number. And she only said “promise me you’ll text me later?” I promised her I will. I did text her. She was so calm and friendly, the kind of person you can just walk up to when you’re feeling on the weird side of the world, and he or she will offer you a simple “hello.” That is a nice feeling...


In other news, the marching band will be going to band camp in two days. And who is packing up in a hurry? Who is getting paper and pens ready?
Sadly, this dumbass.

Love, now and always,
Axel

August 22, 2011

Dear Someone,



First day of the strenuous ‘BAND CAMP OF 2011’ whoop whoop. Not a real astonishment. The first day is really always hard, especially when you have friends so different from your personality. Do you get me?

If you don’t I’m sorry. Well let me say that my friends like hip-hop and well, yea I am the opposite. However one friend really is nice to me, very odd. He was the one that introduced me to the little clique.His name is Israel. Yup, me part of a “group”? I never really imagined myself being in a “group”. I am going to stop putting quotation marks on things because it makes it seem very rhetorical.



Well as you may or may not know this clique had a name and a “initiation” The name was Maldito Inc. that was translated as Damned Inc. truly a stupid name but yea it felt comfortable for some strange reason.


The band then was ordered to find cabin group members with of a number of 12. Ever since my first year I had the same people except for the seniors that had already graduated. Band camp is like an obstacle with depths of struggles, ease, and connections. Also everyday was repetitive except for the last two days. The last two days, were the connection part of the time spent at band camp.



Like I said the first day is always the hardest, and now that it was finally completed, I can go to bed. Hope you had a lovely day.

Love, now and always,
Axel

August 24, 2011

Dear Someone,


Life is great and exactly where I want it to be, plus the world is awesome.

Today in band came we had “free time”. It’s the time where the band relaxes from the strenuous work put in throughout the week. Just forget and have time to share with friends, take a shower, read, or just sleep. For me was hanging out just in the meadow.

Then she came forward to me.She spoke to me, she really spoke to me! Her voice so warm, her touch so vivating, and her smile; her beautiful, uplifting smile! It really spoke to me. And the highlight of everything she rendered was that I finally know her name... her cherishing name that resonates among all the possible names I could imaging: Elizabeth Juliet!!!! That combination could never have been so delightfully perfect.

“Hello clarinet boy” she said softly.
“Hello girl” I responded.
“How is band camp for you”
“It’s different”
“How is it different?” surprised she asked.
“Well everything is not obscure, there’s clarity now!” with firmness I countered.With a smirk she gave me a confused expression. Not knowing what to say next I simply asked...

“Well how is your first band camp for you?”
“It’s actually nice, I see that you have a nice body.”
“Thank you. But I don’t think so.”

“No you really do. I’m sorry but I may or may not have been looking at you for a while. Oh god I am such a creep. Sorry.” She was turning red. It was kind of cute because no girl has ever said that to me so discreetly like Elizabeth did. I was so happy she was with me.

“To be honest, so have I” scared but I said it.
“You have?”
“Yes.”
“I never thought that you noticed me.”
“Neither did I.”
“I like you Axel.”
“Me too Elizabeth.” And then she smiled. I just stayed silent. The silence grew into a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time. A feeling when you know that that significant other means something, but you just don’t know how or what to react. That feeling when you know you’re wanted....the feeling of paradise. She is paradise! She then hugged me and then she said...

“Smile, it looks good on you.” Then in that moment, I knew that the world is an awesome place.

And I smiled!

Love, now and always,
Axel

August 26, 2011

Dear Someone,


I really wanted to kiss her two days ago, but I knew it’d be awkward after the time we spent before. It tell you that when we hugged, it was paradise. THAT’S IT! That’s the word, PARADISE. I probably mentioned that before, but that’s what is felt. I never thought that this would be easy. We must have been out of our minds. We were holding so tight it just slipped through our fingers, but I she never let go. I wouldn’t let her.


Tell me if this is possible for me to deserve this. The feeling is right, but does she feel the same way for me. Elizabeth is so mysterious, yet so lovely. If you would see her you’d notice what I’m trying to say. Let me see, how can I explain?.... OK!

Has there been a time where you felt like you fought for something you like, whether you were a little kid wanting the newest toy or such. But then your parents would give you the lame excuse of, “sorry kiddo but I don’t have enough money. Maybe next time.” and you suddenly turned angry and asked yourself when is “next time”. Well that’s that feeling, I feel like I want Elizabeth to be mine, but I’m just scared.
Scare of “next time”.
But on the brightside, I will find out tomorrow night at the bonfire. And honestly things are getting better, better in small steps.

Love, now and always,
Axel

August 27, 2011

Dear Someone,


Everyone in my cabin is roaringly asleep, I’m the only one awake. Even Israel is dead asleep, after spending countless hours fooling around. But I guess that’s okay because everyone knows that’s the way he is.
Let me just start by saying that, I had the best day of my life! Such feeling that sadly I haven’t experienced in a long time. We were together at the bonfire. Everyone had She was a little bit tired,but happy like always. She was with her weird friends as usual, but then Elizabeth came to me...

“Hey, how was your day?”
“It was tiring, how was yours?”
“Tiring too, not much that we did.”
“Oh that must suck.”
“Yea, but hey nice night look at the stars.
“It’s lovely, hey want to get out of here. We can go sit by the tennis courts.”
“Okay” and she smiled. We got up and sprang all the way to the tennis courts, it was dark that no one could see us. We talked about the light that was coming from the football field and how the trees blocked the beams. I told her how sometimes at night I just stare at that and I feel like I’m the light and the trees are acting as the rest of the world. And how the light is trying to shine but he trees won’t let it be free. She just responded with a warm smile and hugged me. The kind of hug that just feels right, and no matter what you know that you are safe in that person’s arms.

“Axel, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Do you ever think this is meant to be?”
“What do you mean, Elizabeth?”
“Like everything, in general, our we doing everything right?”
“To keep it simple: maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it. You can’t be sure where life takes you. But you must remember, don’t say, just do!”
We stared at each other for a petite second when all of a sudden she poked my cheek and said “wush, wush, wush” and I immediately fell into a smile and a soft, genuine laughter.
“There’s that cute smile of your’s.”
“Haha thanks for making me laugh.”
“That’s what friends are for right?” Then I did not answer, I felt confused because I didn’t like that word, I wanted to pour out what I really felt but I just couldn’t. We then returned to the bonfire and heard stories of other band members and their connections with band.

“What are you thinking of?” Elizabeth stood still for a moment.
“Of someday.”
“What?”
“Of somewhere.”
“Elizabeth I don’t understand?”
“Of something or simply someone? Don’t you get me?”
“No, explain please.”
“Axel, you see: I hope that someday, somewhere not too long from now there will be something or someone that can mean a lot to me. Someone that can be my paradise.”
“Who can that be?” Elizabeth just laughed while everyone was leaving back to the cabin to get ready for that last day of band camp. I hugged Elizabeth and again she kept doing that thing I love when she pokes my cheeks “wush wush wush”. I was getting closer to her lips, I was so nervous to. I felt her warm breath upon my face, and made me even more nervous. She did it again, “wush wush wush”. This time her hand was rubbing my cheek and for that instant we kissed. The kiss that made my whole strenuous week worthwhile. What am I to brag, but we kiss twice that night, and I felt at home.
I felt happy, she kept smiling, and we were in paradise!

Love, now and always,
Axel

September 4, 2011

Dear Someone,


When fairytales start, they sometimes can end. And this may be my last chance at happiness, so I’ll take it. So it finally comes down to what I feel. The feeling is much more than what is really going on. Elizabeth is so beautiful, filled with flaws but I refuse to see them. Her colors line up, and it seems that I just can’t forget her. Like, I can’t throw her image away from my mind, I can’t erase the sensation of her lips touching mine, I can’t delete her love across heart. Everything makes sense to me whenever I am with her. She tortures me with such a beautiful face - to a point where I don’t feel anything anymore. She’s got me sewn into her heart, like lyrics sewn to a popular song.
So happy and alive, bringing something new into my life each and everyday.


Enough about her, it makes me feel so tingly inside. It makes me kind of nostalgic to a point where everything was once happy in my life. So talking about the post-band camp days, nothing much happened. Honestly it was as dull as watching grass grow on a hot summer day. I had band practice, helped the rookies, went over the marching band show over and over again. To say that I really didn’t have a chance to talk to Elizabeth. It was that busy, a life so mundane - a humdrum existence.

Well now that, I have a pointless entree, maybe I can tell you how I’ve been viewing my life, and how my year will go. School is almost going to be starting once again, as well as marching band competitions. Everything is going to be so boring and soporific. In hindsight I do not and will not enjoy these upcoming dates.


Love, now and always,
Axel