Running through my house doors, I ran past my kitchen, past the long hallway, and up the stairs leading to my bedroom. Throwing my things down onto the floor, leaving them scattered, I jumped onto my bed, and screamed into my pillow, so hard I couldn’t think anymore. Tears started to run down my face. I sat up trying to think of who to call that could make me laugh. But I stopped myself. I’ll probably sound pathetic, but I needed someone to talk too. Picking up the phone, I called up Lexi, even though I knew she’s in school. After I let it ring for a while I heard Lexis’s hushed voice on the other end.
“Faith!! Where are you? I had to sneak out of class and into the bathroom!” She sounded worried so I just wiped my tears and spoke into the other end of the phone.
“I’m at home,” I mumbled.
“Why? Did you get sick?” she asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Then what happened?” She sounded scared.
Sighing, I took a deep breath. “I met this guy, Nick, after my first hour class and he was really cute, and I thought I really liked him but it turns out he is dating Amanda and he kind of stood up for me until she told him he shouldn’t talk to me anymore, and he listened! And so I ran home because I thought this was the first time I actually had a chance at being happy with myself but it turns out it just blows up in my face!!” I gasp for air one more time as I listen in on the other end.
“Don’t you think you’re being just a little bit over dramatic? I mean he is just a boy!” She seemed worried and I could hear the stress in her voice.
Shocked, I shouted, “But this is the first time any one has EVER stood up for me!” I clenched my pillow.
“Faith, I can’t believe you’re saying this! I stand up for you! I am there for you!” she almost shouted into the phone. Small, wet tears started to drip down my face like an icicle melting down the side of a newly finished house.
Sniffling I added, “Not anymore.”
“What did you just say? What does that mean?!” She shouted this time making me wince.
“Ever since you’ve starting hanging out with different people other than me, I just gave up! You’re pretty, thin, popular, and everything I’m not!” I shouted back at her. I listened in to the other end waiting for a response, but when I got no answer, I looked down at my phone to see she disconnected the call.

Confused and angry, I buried my face into my pillow and screamed once more as tears ran down my face in unclear formations. My makeup smeared and my hair got messed up, but I didn’t care. Running to the bathroom I stared into the mirror. Frustrated I reached over and grabbed my hair curler and threw it at the mirror, screaming at it as it shattered it into what seemed like a thousand pieces. I duck down and hide my head in my knees. I couldn’t understand how this happened to me. I thought Nick was different… but he is just another one of them. One of the kids who try with all they can just to bring me down. Noticing there was silence I looked up to see pieces of glass everywhere around me, even in my hair and on my clothes. My arms sting when I saw pieces of broken glass piercing my arms. Shocked, I look up. At that moment I knew what I had to do.
I got up, wincing. I still manage to make it to my closet. I start to breathe very heavily. I slam my suitcase onto my bed as I start throwing everything I own into the bright green case. Salty tears gushed from my eyes as I kept shoving clothing into the suitcase. I hoped that after I’m gone, everyone would be happy. No more pain. I’d be free from this. I was going to do it. I heard my phone ring just as I finish packing my clothes. Looking down at my phone I saw I missed a call from my mother. I groaned. What does she want?! I ignored the call letting it run out. I wondered if anyone would even notice if I was gone. Nobody notices that I’m here, so what would it matter if I disappear? Looking down at my hands, I see them shaking vigorously. I can’t control myself. I thought I was finally breaking down. After my entire life full of deceiving friends, and being bullied, it finally caught up to me. I cried and fell to my knees, bending over and bringing my hands to my face. Suddenly I heard banging on the door. Somehow I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing so I stayed where I was and continued to cry. Banging sounds from the door as I fall over to my side. “Faith?! Faith, is that you!?” I hear my mother’s urging voice outside the door. “Faith Marie, please come outside!!” pleaded my mother, but I wouldn’t budge. I got to my feet, rush to the bathroom, and ripped open the cabinet. With a loud thud, all the medicines and first aid kits fell to the floor joining the broken glass. Bending over I picked up the one labeled clonazepam, a jar of sleeping pills. Shaking I twisted the cap off and poured at least 8 pills onto the palm of my hand. Looking up at my Rosie pink ceiling, I brought the pills to my mouth and closed my eyes.

Aching from my stomach pulls me into consciousness. Groaning I attempted turning my head to the side, but the pain was too much, so I played still. Squinting my eyes, all I could see is a beam from a bright white light, and a faint beeping noise, sounding once about every three seconds. Noticing someone’s hand on mine, I looked down a bit to face my mother, with tears in her eyes. I tried to speak but I was too weak to get any sound out, so I fell back limp and out of consciousness once more.
“Faith?” I heard a soft whisper and the familiar hum of my living room, making my eyes pop open and the taste of blood come to my mouth.
“W-w-“
I was cut off by my mother’s worried voice. “She’s awake, get some water!” opening my eyes the world seemed to be going in slow motion. Everything was blurry and I had an annoying beeping sound in my head. A bad headache forced me to want to bring my hand to my forehead, but I can’t get the strength to do so. I suddenly felt a cold liquid being poured into my mouth. I didn’t know what it was, so I tried not to swallow and spit it out, but someone’s hand was forcing my mouth shut so I end up swallowing. Feeling instant relief and a bit of energy, I open my eyes a bit.
“W-here…?”
“Shhh, Faith don’t talk, you’ll hurt yourself more.”
I heard my mother’s whisper as she grips my wrist gently. “What happened?” I mumbled out.
She sighed. “Faith, you tried to kill yourself with a jar of clonazepam.” Suddenly I remembered everything. I remembered Nick, Lexi, the pills, the bright light, and the annoying beeping noise.
“Was I in a hospital?” I asked remembering that unfamiliar light.
“Yes, you’ve been asleep for two days straight.”
Shocked I bolt upright and faced my mother.
“two days!?” I shouted.
“Faith, lay down! You’re not steady! Your father and I took you home as soon as they said the amnesia would wear off completely.” I roll my eyes and lay back down. Looking around I smelt the familiar air scent of the beach, mostly because of the ‘sunny beach’ air freshener mom had bought a while ago. I could see a turkey roasting in the oven forcing my mouth to water.
“Thanksgiving?” I asked.
“Yes.” The buzzer for the oven goes off. “I’ll be right back. Don’t lie back down.” I noticed I was a little tired, but I followed my mother’s orders anyway. Looking up, a tear came to my eye.
“Thanks.” I exclaimed. Shocked my mother turns to me.
“For what?” she wonders.
“For never giving up on me and not letting me… you know… die.” A tear falls from her eye as she walked over to me, hugging me gently.
“Never, in a million years, would I ever let you go.” She exclaimed.
As a smile reaches my face I replied, “I know.”

Over the next few weeks, I continued to stay home, yet I tried to go outside as much as possible. Nick still continues to call, trying to make it up to me. He said he wasn’t thinking, he just didn’t want to be embarrassed, but I don’t return the calls. It’s almost as if he was the hunter, and I was the deer, quietly precious, yet fierce and quick. The hunter spots his target, and shoots into action, while the deer stands motionless, chewing on an old dill weed plant, as the hunter nears, his prey picks up his scent, but its to late, he shoots, and its down, laying on the ground, helpless. The hunter redeems his prey, to him it’s a game, but for the deer, each day is a game of life or death.

I learned what I should care about, and who I should spend my time with, I always thought the world was against me, and nobody would ever notice I’m gone, but after the past few weeks, I’ve realized that I’m young, im going to make mistakes, I’m going to fall apart, I’m going to break the rules. But what I didn’t realize is how much I was hurting my friends and family by what I did. I didn’t understand the meaning of love, for I thought it didn’t exist. Yet, each day I come to the realization that this world really isn’t so bad a place. I thought I was nothing, a lost soul, bound to fall forever, but then I realized, the only time I would be nothing, is when I am dead.